Excited by thoughts of suicide

[miker]

Hi

I'm concerned that I feel excited thinking about my suicide. Someone told me it could be my brain trying to come to terms with the decision.

Does anyone else get this? What does it mean?

 

[bipolar22]

You're very unhappy with your life and you finally found a solution that will solve all your problems and suffering you may be experiencing. Feeling excited or euphoric is quiet natural

 

[imjustamtfgirl]

To me it's like selfharm I've somehow sexualised the thought of suicide and self harm. I don't know what's wrong with me or how mentally ill I actually am.

 

[miker]

To me it's like selfharm I've somehow sexualised the thought of suicide and self harm. I don't know what's wrong with me or how mentally ill I actually am.

Me too. I think sexualising it was a defence mechanism for me. To make it less scary.

You're very unhappy with your life and you finally found a solution that will solve all your problems and suffering you may be experiencing. Feeling excited or euphoric is quiet natural

That seems logical. It does feel euphoric at times.

 

[imjustamtfgirl]

Me too. I think sexualising it was a defence mechanism for me. To make it less scary.

That seems logical. It does feel euphoric at times.

Yeah I agree it's a defence mechanism to deal with too much trauma at least for me now self harm is a comfort I couldn't do without

 

[Forever Sleep]

I experience this too. Although, actually picturing the act of doing it step by step, the possible pain and fear during the process. The possibility of it failing- the reality of it effectively, still frightens me.

For me, I think it's partly the rebelious side to it that makes it exciting. An ultimate 'fu*k this' to life and everything that was/ is expected of me. I sometimes get the weirdest tingling sensation in my left hand when I think about suicide.

I'm not meaning to glorify it here. This is simply a description of my own feelings towards it.

I also think it's a weird form of motivation to do it. I don't think many would deny that suicide is frightening. In order to push myself to potentially hurt myself and cause myself an unknown amount of pain and fear- which I'm naturally reluctant to do, I think my brain realises it will need to latch on to a whole raft of emotions to push through that. (SI)

For me personally, it will likely be fear of my life and all it involves plus my likely deteriorating future. Excitement that my problems are hopefully coming to an end. Plus, I'll likely try to convince myself that I'm a strong person who will take risks when required.

 

[Pale_Rider]

Yes when my suicidal ideation was a level 9 I was very excited. It was "only a matter of time". Yet here I am, because some people interceded.

I remember very well being excited.

 

[bankai]

That's pretty typical. You have a way out now. In a way, you're invincible. You're strong. Most of us have felt weak up to this point. So obviously you will have some euphoria. I went through the exact same thing. I tried partial hanging. Once the noose went over my neck, the pressure was so overwhelming that I just removed it. One thing is for sure, if hanging fails, you will definitely be damaged or hurt. I could feel my brain getting damaged in just a few seconds. So now I'm here and waiting for a better option. Hope I don't end up dying of old age.

 

[Pale_Rider]

That's pretty typical. You have a way out now. In a way, you're invincible. You're strong. Most of us have felt weak up to this point. So obviously you will have some euphoria. I went through the exact same thing. I tried partial hanging. Once the noose went over my neck, the pressure was so overwhelming that I just removed it. One thing is for sure, if hanging fails, you will definitely be damaged or hurt. I could feel my brain getting damaged in just a few seconds. So now I'm here and waiting for a better option. Hope I don't end up dying of old age.

"Invincible" perfect word.