Venting Exams and wanting to ctb

[TransfemCutter]

I appreciate whoever is taking time out of their day to read this. As of now, I am passed one of my three finals, I have two to go, one of which is tomorrow. The winter depression I believe, is kicking in full force, and I just don't have motivation to do anything, let alone study for an exam (which of course is completely career defining for me). It's in times like these where i want to ctb the most. It certainly feels like things just keep getting worse, more challenging, more energy demanding. All the while my energy levels are at an all time low. I barely feel alive most days. I don't eat, unless I decide to binge, I just sit around, smoke all day and play video games unless something (usually drugs and sex) lures me out of the house. I am not built to handle a regular life full of expectations and work. I wish I was never born.