Everything's Falling Apart.

[Bleh61]

I never thought I'd be at this place, not really. I am a victim of long-term emotional and physical abuse that started when I was 7. By 2019, I felt that I had finally recovered from my dark past. The dark thoughts and self-abuse were in the rear window.
Then Covid came. It ruined my life. I was forced to quit a good job. Since then, my life has disintegrated. I am currently living off of public assistance and my meager savings. I'm falling behind in my rent and my lease expires next April. I think about ending my life every day. I have the means but lack the will. Now, because of demographic changes in the client base that I would normally serve, I find it almost impossible to find work. I'm still trying to get better though, but right now, I feel like I'm drowning. Can anyone relate?

 

[lost_ange1]

I'm sorry about what you went through.
I can relate with the covid statement. It also changed my life very much and was one if the triggers for me to get even worse multiple times. In general covid and the aftermath changed a lot of stuff and made life harder for many. Though on an already damaged mind it left even more scars and pain than what already was before.
I know how it is to worry for your existence, to try to handle monetary issues and pat your bills. I got support from sone of my family though. Do you have anyone who could help you out with paying your bills a little bit ? Or anyone who can assist you with finding a job? Maybe try to do some small jobs to pay your bills and meanwhile look for the thing you really want to do?
I hope you can go through this difficult time and will find a way out of it!

 

[Bleh61]

I've applied to a few part-time jobs but haven't had success. I guess I look like I'm way overqualified.
Tonight's been really hard. I've gone through feelings of hopelessness, and rage at the people who screwed up my life I've come to a point where whenever I hear that someone died, I just wish that I can be next.