Everything seems to go wrong in my life and I'm so, so tired but don't feel ready to ctb yet.

[Silent_cries]

I just need to vent a little since I have no where else I can turn to anymore. Lately, it feels like everything that could possibly go wrong keeps going wrong, and on top of that, no one listen to me anymore or takes me seriously. I mean, it's not suprising considering how much I've fucked up in life, obiovsly no one is going to take me seriously or trust that I know what I need with all the horrible things I've done in the past and all the lies I have said. That's all people see nowadays, the monster I used to be and not who I am today, and it's all my fault. I'm so, so very tired of constantly being pushed over the edge by people who always decides what's "best" for me and what I need without ever asking me or caring about what I have to say. Doesn't help that I'm autistic either as nt's don't rly understand me, most of the time. Despite all of this, I don't feel quite ready to ctb yet, bc I'm still capable of experiencing fun and enjoyment, and want to be able to do things like playing video games, and watching yt for just a little longer. I just want to be able to have these good moments a few more times before I do it if anything, but with how stressfull and overwhelming things are right now, I do not know how much longer I'll be able to hold on. I almost attempted this afternoon, and the only thing that saved me was discoveting that I was able to log in on ss again after not being able to login for a whole month due to my browser being crappy. How do I make my life bearable enough just so that I can hold on for long enough to get to the point where I'm truly ready to ctb? Could someone dm me? I rly could need someone to talk to rn. I just need someone who would truly listen to me for once.

Also sorry about not putting a prefix, but it won't work for me for some reason. I hope that's not an issue.
Hey @Zvetok26 if you're able, so you think you could open a dm in conversations instead of in chats? I can't get the live chats to work for some reason.