Venting Everything requires money, even suicide

[scary]

I'm just speaking to the choir, everyone knows if you want to have a decent quality of life you need money. You need money to live but you also need money to die.
"You want a quick and painless death? well too fucking bad asshole, cough up 100 dollars at the lowest and you can buy a glock to blow your head off. Just make sure you're not too mentally ill to obtain a license to obtain one in the first place, which also requires a fee to get" You could just stop eating and drinking, that's free, but it's a non-method and your body will yell at you and go insane if you don't fulfill your base needs.

I need to lock the hell in if I want to die, vsed is all that I have. Would anyone on this site even believe in me if I tried to starve and dehydrate myself? who am I kidding, even I don't believe in me. It sounds so simple but it's so needlessly difficult. I could just take melatonin to sleep it off but I only have the gummies and at that point its like why even bother, i'd just be consuming some sort of calorie anyway. I've mentioned it before in the chatroom but I don't have a credit/debit card and the only money I did have was some birthday gift card I got last year from a relative, but of course I had to just spend the money on stupid garbage i'll never use. I had 50 dollars but I somehow convinced myself i'd get back into art and buy a sketchbook and some art supplies, well guess who didn't get back into it.

I feel like the more I stay alive the more I go insane. Even on here the way I type I think it's obvious I'm crashing out, and for that I apologize. I don't know what to do anymore, every time I think I have a method it's taken away from me without the people around me knowing I want to die. I think I'd be a surprise for everyone If I made a goodbye thread.

 

[annointed_towers]

Yes, this is true. I have no money. Zero. I'm disabled. Disability is too hard to get. My mom pays for all my needs as an adult. I used to make good money. Had a great job. Things happened. Changed. Fortune reversed. Now I'm in debt — $4000 from the mental hospital for what insurance didn't cover. I can't pay it. She can't either. Been over a year and we haven't paid a dime. But the bills come.

And now I can't get a gun, even if I had money or could get it. It's the only way I'd go. I had SN. Sounded like a terrible and unsure way to die.

I've thought of jumping, drowning. Getting lost in the woods. Dying of vsed. I imagined laying on grass, dirt, cold ground day and night, just waiting to die, every moment an eternity. Dry eyes, dry mouth, stomach demanding to be fed, abilities shutting down, thirst, delirium . Hey, it's free. But you gotta get there.

I can't drive. Can't pay someone to drive me to the mountains and abandon me.

No place high enough to jump from, can't get roof access even if possible. Can't get to a body of water. And drowning is so painful. Water gets in your nose in the shower and then into your lungs. Feels like fire.

 

[undecidedfool]

Yeah unfortunately no advice from me. Money is contributing to my stress and wish to die (among other reasons).
I had a gun, but I panicked and surrendered it a few days ago. I regret that decision so fucking much. Now if/when I buy a new one I have to be damn sure I can go through with it, or trying to pay rent will be hell because I'll be short almost $300. I fucking hate the world we live in

 

[nitrogenous]

I'm sorry you are going through this... Unfortunately, that is really the case hence why I actually spent my last amount of money towards buying the means instead of using it for food, etc... I guess because I was thinking what is the point of being able to eat for a few more days and then suffer with the risk of homelessness and everything else rather than having the sodium nitrite, and if I do end up suffering, at least knowing I have a way out...

 

[Intoxicated]

There are cheap (under 10 USD) and quick (LOC in under 1 minute) methods implying little or moderate discomfort. Inability to choose a suitable method commonly comes from poor research or overly high demands.