Venting Everything is going wrong

[Jasper]

I think everything has been growing wrong for a while. My life has been on a steady decline, but every time I get close to breaking under it all, I'm temporarily pacified when something goes well.

I go through a rough break up with my ex, but then I gain a few friends out of it.

I start dealing with an annoying and persistent medical issue, but finally get a diagnosis for my ADHD

My grandma dies, but at least i got closer to my cousin after that.

I'm so sick of this rollercoaster. The false hope of things getting better, of things getting easier. Everyone always says things get easier, that this won't last forever. But it is. It's lasting forever.

I can't remember the last time I felt truly happy and secure. The last time I felt loved or truly wanted somewhere. The last time I got a hug. And now, my only anchor in this place, my only true lifelong friend, has passed away. My dog, June.

In an accident. In the very same way In which I always say is how I should have died, when i was younger. Drowning.

I just don't see a reason anymore, It's always such a fight, and I'm so tired of always fighting, for so little.

I SH'd today for the first time in about a year or two maybe, testing the waters I guess. I want to die. I'm scared, but I want to. I don't know why I'm scared. Maybe part of me still wants to hold onto hope, or maybe I just don't wanna inconvenience everyone with dealing with my crap after I'm dead.

I'm currently going through my room, throwing out things I don't want my family to find if I do do something. I don't think I've ever felt this ready to get it over with.

 

[angel31]

Im so sorry all of this happend 2 u love, u dont deserve it and isnt ur fault… if u ever want 2 chat u can always PM me <3 i am giving u a big big hug and sending u a lot of love

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be really tiring suffering like that, existence certainly is so cruel and to me it's very much understandable just wishing to finally be free from everything. But anyway best wishes.

 

[Elle]

*hugs*

 

[Jasper]

Im so sorry all of this happend 2 u love, u dont deserve it and isnt ur fault… if u ever want 2 chat u can always PM me <3 i am giving u a big big hug and sending u a lot of love

I'd like that, thank you. And to everyone who's offered kind words

 

[angel31]

I'd like that, thank you. And to everyone who's offered kind words

Ok im sry u need some more messages 2 PM me :,( but if u got them ill be there

 

[Jasper]

Ok im sry u need some more messages 2 PM me :,( but if u got them ill be there

dang that's unfortunate. I don't use the site very much and i'm kinda new. :( I'm mostly on disc and stuff lol. How many messages we talking, do ya kno?

 

[BlackSpotOnTheSun]

Sorry to read this, sending kind wishes

 

[Dead Already]

Dogs are better better at life than most people.
They really are true friends, no judgement, when you are at your lowest, they sense it and cover you in love and attention. More therapy should be done with them, they seem to know more about the human condition than humans.
Hope June is waiting for you at the final destination.
Sending hugs to you

 

[Unwr!tten]

You need about 15-25 messages or something to get PM and search options so it's not too bad.

As a long time friend of yours, I'm sorry you're hurting and I hope it gets better. Peace be unto you throughout the rest of your life, no matter how long or short. I will always love and be there for you. If you need to call me, let me know, if you need a shoulder, message me. Stay strong and do not go gentle.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry what you have to go through is awful. I can relate to it in regards to everything is going wrong very well. This is so tiring and exhausting. I hope you can find peace!