BloodStainedAntlers
sic labitur aetas
- Aug 2, 2026
- 13
Life really just seems to find a way to mess everything up all the time huh?
I was told today that my sister has a huge tumour on her neck. They dont know yet if its malignant or not. I feel like shit because we dont really talk a lot (My siblings are all half-siblings and we dont live in the same country, plus theyre all 10-20 years older than me). And I'm scared that something is going to happen and then everything is going to crumble even more.
I already had to watch my mother sob at the loss of a child, my brother was fatally shot when i was 8 years old and i still remember the cries my mother let out that day. Ironically this sister is the one that was babysitting me the day it happened.
Aside from that some other shit has been going south again aswell. I'm just genuinely exhausted of all this bs, and the fact that i dont want to/cant CTB is making it all much worse because I just feel trapped without an emergency exit now. Plus my preferred method would be PSH, i used to know exactly where my sweet spot was when i was younger, but no matter how much ive been trying to find it again i just cant seem to find it and its so frustrating.
I also recently fucked up my 530 day streak of being clean from self-harm, which was the longest I had been clean ever since I've started selfharming. Now its just been escalating again, which is just great (sarcasm) considering its a heatwave riddled summer.
I'm sorry for ranting about all that stupid stuff on here, this is just the only place where I can talk about any of this.
I was told today that my sister has a huge tumour on her neck. They dont know yet if its malignant or not. I feel like shit because we dont really talk a lot (My siblings are all half-siblings and we dont live in the same country, plus theyre all 10-20 years older than me). And I'm scared that something is going to happen and then everything is going to crumble even more.
I already had to watch my mother sob at the loss of a child, my brother was fatally shot when i was 8 years old and i still remember the cries my mother let out that day. Ironically this sister is the one that was babysitting me the day it happened.
Aside from that some other shit has been going south again aswell. I'm just genuinely exhausted of all this bs, and the fact that i dont want to/cant CTB is making it all much worse because I just feel trapped without an emergency exit now. Plus my preferred method would be PSH, i used to know exactly where my sweet spot was when i was younger, but no matter how much ive been trying to find it again i just cant seem to find it and its so frustrating.
I also recently fucked up my 530 day streak of being clean from self-harm, which was the longest I had been clean ever since I've started selfharming. Now its just been escalating again, which is just great (sarcasm) considering its a heatwave riddled summer.
I'm sorry for ranting about all that stupid stuff on here, this is just the only place where I can talk about any of this.
