Venting Everything has lost all meaning

[Zen0]

I don't understand why I'm still here anymore.

I've lost all my friends, the person i love the most/bestfriend doesn't even care about me.
Nothing can bring me joy anymore. Videogames, art, books...nothing helps...nothing can distract me from this infinite void in my heart.
I don't have any more reasons to be alive anymore either. My entire existence is just so hopelessly pointless.
I can't even sleep anymore, I just stare at the sealing for hours until I see the rays of sunlight through my bedroom window pierce through my eyes.
I just feel so done with this world...with life. Up until this very moment all my life I've been lying to myself and telling myself "Everything will be just fine", "Things will be better soon", "You can't abandon the world now when so many still care for you"......
I'm tired of also excusing everyone else's behavior besides my own...
I'm tired of always giving and everyone always taking...and taking...and taking until there's nothing left.

People constantly have to remind me that "No suicide is such a selfish thing to do!".
I wish I could let the people around me know exactly what it is like to be me on a daily basis...maybe then they'll agree I'm better off 6 feet under.

From now on I'm not gonna keep picking up the pieces to rebuild myself anymore, there's no point in fixing something if people keep breaking it.

 

[sorlox]

That's horrible. I can see myself in your words. I hope you'll find your peace, either in life or death.

 

[Zen0]

That's horrible. I can see myself in your words. I hope you'll find your peace, either in life or death.

I doubt I'll find peace or anything at all, but I appreciate the sentiment.