Venting Everything going fown hill

[NoLongerHuman.]

I thought recovery was possible for me. I'm not entirely sure anymore. This summer I was supposed to leave this mentally draining house, but I was lead to believe I'd have to stay for 6 months. Only to learn that I actually did have an option to leave, but because I sounded happy, it wasnt mentioned.

I withdrew from classes of college under the assumption I could leave. Just to learn I couldnt leave, I was promised and it was broken.

My boyfriend of 4+ years admitted to cheating on me too. I asked to just break up but... well, we aren't broken up. Hes now dating someone else and hardly speaking to me.

Doesn't help my illness has been getting worse, whatever said illness is.

This piled up with everything in my life... I don't know. On one end i just want to die and hope that reincarnation is real. The other hand I want to hold on and fight because I'm an artist. I haven't drawn for the longest time but I do want to share my stories with the world.. but god it hurts so much.


I know if I die now my family would be a mix of hurt and disgust.


Truly, the one of the reasons why I haven't attempted once in my life (besides sad attempts when I was a child) is laziness. I'm too exhausted to think of methods, I'm too exhausted for everything. I've just been in autopilot watching my life crash before my eyes. Another reason is that I dont want my family to find my body, I feel like that would be awful.


Thank you for reading.

 

[Xxkol]

I thought recovery was possible for me. I'm not entirely sure anymore. This summer I was supposed to leave this mentally draining house, but I was lead to believe I'd have to stay for 6 months. Only to learn that I actually did have an option to leave, but because I sounded happy, it wasnt mentioned.

I withdrew from classes of college under the assumption I could leave. Just to learn I couldnt leave, I was promised and it was broken.

My boyfriend of 4+ years admitted to cheating on me too. I asked to just break up but... well, we aren't broken up. Hes now dating someone else and hardly speaking to me.

Doesn't help my illness has been getting worse, whatever said illness is.

This piled up with everything in my life... I don't know. On one end i just want to die and hope that reincarnation is real. The other hand I want to hold on and fight because I'm an artist. I haven't drawn for the longest time but I do want to share my stories with the world.. but god it hurts so much.


I know if I die now my family would be a mix of hurt and disgust.


Truly, the one of the reasons why I haven't attempted once in my life (besides sad attempts when I was a child) is laziness. I'm too exhausted to think of methods, I'm too exhausted for everything. I've just been in autopilot watching my life crash before my eyes. Another reason is that I dont want my family to find my body, I feel like that would be awful.


Thank you for reading.

Im feel sorry you are experiencing these problems. Yeah it can be really tough but you got it man. Follow your dream.

 

[gunmetalblue]

I'm an artist. I haven't drawn for the longest time but I do want to share my stories with the world.. but god it hurts so much.

Same here, but even side eyeing a pencil makes me feel ill from the grief that i've given it up, and for everything I could have made and shown.
I hope though that you find something that will make you pick up a pencil, or pen again. Artistry is dying, especially with the rise of AI. Anyone's stories are worth reading and are beautiful because they are human.

Also dump that boyfriend.

 

[NoLongerHuman.]

Im feel sorry you are experiencing these problems. Yeah it can be really tough but you got it man. Follow your dream.

Thank you! I'll keep fighting. I'm hoping things stop going down hill for me.

Same here, but even side eyeing a pencil makes me feel ill from the grief that i've given it up, and for everything I could have made and shown.
I hope though that you find something that will make you pick up a pencil, or pen again. Artistry is dying, especially with the rise of AI. Anyone's stories are worth reading and are beautiful because they are human.

Also dump that boyfriend.

Thank you for your words. Ai has very much been killing my mood as well, especially since my family now wishes I would use AI for everything

As for the boyfriend, I have tried multiple times after he admited to cheating on me. Everytime I try to he guilt trips me. The most I've gotten to a mature response was "You shouldn't leave me because of something so trivial. Love is love." Or something along those lines. I dunno. But i'll keep trying to.

 

[Xxkol]

Thank you! I'll keep fighting. I'm hoping things stop going down hill for me.


Thank you for your words. Ai has very much been killing my mood as well, especially since my family now wishes I would use AI for everything

As for the boyfriend, I have tried multiple times after he admited to cheating on me. Everytime I try to he guilt trips me. The most I've gotten to a mature response was "You shouldn't leave me because of something so trivial. Love is love." Or something along those lines. I dunno. But i'll keep trying to.

Thats good that you are trying. Keep going