Venting everything feeds my delusions

[sweetdrowning]

i feel like i can't spend a moment by myself without my delusions running wild.
i have such strange dreams, i've been trying to figure out what they mean. my thoughts have all been in abstract, everything i've done before seems to be impossible, and sometimes when i hear the crows crying outside my window i think it means i am already dead.
i think i may have died a few months ago but my body is still working. i don't know how to escape it.
yesterday i was going to buy a good rope. it started pouring rain during a daily ritual i do. i suppose that was the universe telling me no.
today i was going to buy a good rope. it started to snow hard and the wind cut through me. i suppose that was the universe telling me no.
i think i'll still go when the weather clears up.
i can't listen to music anymore because each one has specific meaning and if i play it something related might happen
i have to be intentional in my actions
i can't escape my delusions. medication has been making it worse. i am a zombie.

 

[sweetdrowning]

i'm so stupid, i couldn't even do this right, the hardware store is much further than imagined, i couldn't walk there, my body gave out and had to turn back