TechyLikesStars
Student
- Sep 3, 2025
- 7
I almost started this with, "When I had a lot of friends I used to be happy," but that would have been dishonest. I've always been a lonely person. For years the people I talked to online were the closest thing I had to real company. Even then, I don't think I was ever truly happy. Maybe I was just numb enough to get through the day.
Lately life has felt like it's getting harder and harder. I've always blamed my luck for a lot of things, and recent events have only made that feeling worse. It seems like the people I care about are drifting away one by one, and there's nothing I can do to stop it.
A few months ago I had to end my relationship because it became emotionally exhausting and manipulative. I don't miss the relationship itself, but it still feels strange and empty without that person that was once so prominent in my life. And now my online friends, the people who helped me get out of bed sometimes, are disappearing too, one after another, often for reasons I don't fully understand.
I know online friendships might sound unimportant to some people, but they were everything to me. They gave me a reason to keep going. This morning I read another message from a good friend of mine that apologized and said she felt guilty about things from the past, and because of that guilt she insisted on cutting ties, even though I was never really that hurt by her. After years, just like that in an instant. It's been like this one after the other, all for different reasons that are out of my control. Losing people I trusted like that is painful, especially when it keeps happening.
I don't want pity, I just want to be honest about how lonely this is. I'm scared that the next time I get close to going through with killing myself, I might not have any hesitation left. Right now everything feels flat and heavy, like I'm the last one left in a room that used to be full.
Lately life has felt like it's getting harder and harder. I've always blamed my luck for a lot of things, and recent events have only made that feeling worse. It seems like the people I care about are drifting away one by one, and there's nothing I can do to stop it.
A few months ago I had to end my relationship because it became emotionally exhausting and manipulative. I don't miss the relationship itself, but it still feels strange and empty without that person that was once so prominent in my life. And now my online friends, the people who helped me get out of bed sometimes, are disappearing too, one after another, often for reasons I don't fully understand.
I know online friendships might sound unimportant to some people, but they were everything to me. They gave me a reason to keep going. This morning I read another message from a good friend of mine that apologized and said she felt guilty about things from the past, and because of that guilt she insisted on cutting ties, even though I was never really that hurt by her. After years, just like that in an instant. It's been like this one after the other, all for different reasons that are out of my control. Losing people I trusted like that is painful, especially when it keeps happening.
I don't want pity, I just want to be honest about how lonely this is. I'm scared that the next time I get close to going through with killing myself, I might not have any hesitation left. Right now everything feels flat and heavy, like I'm the last one left in a room that used to be full.
