Venting everyone bingoes me, feeling utterly alone :( how do you find your people?

[happysunnydayy]

when I'm feeling low and want some encouragement that its all temporary and ill die, I've no one to share it with.. everyone tells me shit like get a job, go back to school, therapy....even those who know my exact situation, just get mad and tell me to stop talking about it because I'm ruining their day.... It makes me feel alone and hopeless. even the psychiatrist tells me to think positive and it's never too late to go back to school. Ugh. I feel so invalidated and evil. :( what helps? I don't want help to get better.

 

[ctb_warrior]

It's alright dear.
People can't understand pain of others unless they themselves go through it
I'm that guy who has always been a people magnet naturally because i appear confident and positive and I move with a sense of determination in my body language.
But when i tell ppl I'm suicidal, they vanish
It has happened in two different phases in different set of people around me.
Right now almost everyone who knows me knows I'm suicidal. And out of my huge circle of 1000s of people, i only have less than 10 people who don't want me to die. Look at that ratio. The rest were connected to me just because they could use me as a resource as I'm a resourceful guy. As soon as I become useless to them, they discarded me. Funny.. Isn't it

Don't worry you are on SaSu, you are home finally
We all understand each other's pain deeply.
Ever since i became active here, i feel so much better because of the love and support i have got. I no longer even want to ctb.

Reading through your post, i kinda feel, you need someone to comfort you or to just give you a warm compassionate hug. If only someone understood you and what you are going through, that would start healing you without even you wanting to heal

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

It's all temporary. This too shall pass, one way or the other.

 

[h4ppyhypoxia]

well regarding the title, one of the best decisions i made was speaking to the girl who is now my best friend from my rs class in college, our class would have to vote on whether we agreed/disagreed with a specific theory, and it was kind of funny to me that a lot of the times she would always be in the minority, but shed defend it so well, so i just went up to her and spoke to her, then we became friends

i met my other best friend on an online game, she had a funny avatar, so i spoke to her, then i noticed we had almost the same accent, we live just 1.5 hours away on the train, we started talking, and we made friends

i think its good just to observe the people around you, what interests you about them? can you make a conversation based on that? also sometimes life just "throws" people at you, i thought id never find my best friends in life because i didnt make them in highschool or primary school, but i did

its not easy to find your people, but its also not impossible

one of the hardest things to accept is that not everybody can hold your pain, and if they can, then they cant always hold it in the ways you want, i get that you want to be seen and supported so badly, but sometimes support doesnt always look like someone understanding everything you say, it can look like just doing something nice with you in the day to take your mind off things, i hope your situation improves :)

 

[Widow39]

It's normal for common to encourage you in the direction of "it will go better" for be "positive" and not mean, even if maybe it will never go better. It's kind of hypocrisy BTW. Also I don't think anyone would tell you something for encourage you to ctb as it would be very bad, even if it's maybe what you want to hear.

 

[happysunnydayy]

It's alright dear.
People can't understand pain of others unless they themselves go through it
I'm that guy who has always been a people magnet naturally because i appear confident and positive and I move with a sense of determination in my body language.
But when i tell ppl I'm suicidal, they vanish
It has happened in two different phases in different set of people around me.
Right now almost everyone who knows me knows I'm suicidal. And out of my huge circle of 1000s of people, i only have less than 10 people who don't want me to die. Look at that ratio. The rest were connected to me just because they could use me as a resource as I'm a resourceful guy. As soon as I become useless to them, they discarded me. Funny.. Isn't it

Don't worry you are on SaSu, you are home finally
We all understand each other's pain deeply.
Ever since i became active here, i feel so much better because of the love and support i have got. I no longer even want to ctb.

Reading through your post, i kinda feel, you need someone to comfort you or to just give you a warm compassionate hug. If only someone understood you and what you are going through, that would start healing you without even you wanting to heal

I'm a lost case I don't want help I want an escape

It's all temporary. This too shall pass, one way or the other.

It's taking too old

It's all temporary. This too shall pass, one way or the other.

It's taking too old

It's normal for common to encourage you in the direction of "it will go better" for be "positive" and not mean, even if maybe it will never go better. It's kind of hypocrisy BTW. Also I don't think anyone would tell you something for encourage you to ctb as it would be very bad, even if it's maybe what you want to hear.

I want someone who doesn't think dying is wrong

 

[ctb_warrior]

I'm a lost case I don't want help I want an escape

It's taking too old

It's taking too old

I want someone who doesn't think dying is wrong

Yes, i can totally understand and relate with what you are going through. And it's not easy to be there where one feels there's no way out.
Don't worry, we are all here and you are safe with us. Talk to us as much as you want. My dm is open if you would like to talk about anything, literally anything.
Real life people aren't reliable for this.
I told a sister like close friend about my plan to ctb she scolded me that I'm being kiddish and stopped talking to me. I wanted to spend my last days with her but what I get is a cold shoulder i could have ctb'd without telling her. She would have no way to know if i died or ghosted her. And this is what she gave me for being thoughtful towards her

 

[happysunnydayy]

Same situation... people make it clear that they don't wanna hear another word of it... Also I like Chester Bennington alot he's so relatable. Can you message me I can't seem to message u

Yes, i can totally understand and relate with what you are going through. And it's not easy to be there where one feels there's no way out.
Don't worry, we are all here and you are safe with us. Talk to us as much as you want. My dm is open if you would like to talk about anything, literally anything.
Real life people aren't reliable for this.
I told a sister like close friend about my plan to ctb she scolded me that I'm being kiddish and stopped talking to me. I wanted to spend my last days with her but what I get is a cold shoulder i could have ctb'd without telling her. She would have no way to know if i died or ghosted her. And this is what she gave me for being thoughtful towards her

 

[Widow39]

I want someone who doesn't think dying is wrong

I believe many ppl here who could speak with you believe this. Don't hesitate to pm me if you need, I can't pm you seems you disabled the option.