Everyday I feel guilty about living another day

[Thanksforeverything]

I wish I was never born. But not out of resentment to my parents. They deserved a better son, not someone who's defective on the inside. Every single day, I wake up and I feel so guilty about never meeting their expectations because they really did try their absolute best to support me as much as possible. I know they'll be devastated if I CTB, but I genuinely think that they'll be better off without me after some time passes and they forget about me a little. I had initially planned to try one last attempt at recovery, but I'm considering if I should just not waste any more time and money, and succumb to the inevitable. The longer I wait, the more guilt piles on. In an ideal world, my depression would get better, I wouldn't be drowning in a sea of anhedonia, and could finally work towards being someone my parents could be proud of but it just doesn't seem feasible. And if I'm being honest, after all these years, I'm just really exhausted.

TL;DR: Reconsidering if I should CTB earlier and just get it over with.