Discussion Every time I post here, I end up hating myself afterward. Does anyone else experience that?

[Emerita]

This site is where I've been most active compared to any other online platform. Normally, I'm not interested in participating online, but for some reason, I am on SaSu. The only problem is that whenever I say something, I feel bad and like a poser because I'm not gone yet. I worry that if I fail in my attempt, I wouldn't be welcomed back here. I'm not blaming the community, this is definitely my personal issue and Im probably just egotistical because this is like the safest most peaceful space I've encountered online and hasn't given me a reason to be insecure.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

Yes, many of the same feelings here, and I've read other comments like that here also. I love this place. The honestly is refreshing.

 

[Kali_Yuga13]

Sounds like imposter syndrome. I got it in my early days of using other forums when they became a thing. You are on zero timeline to commit to suicide. If you were ever to attempt and fail, even if were half-hearted or a cry for help, we will welcome you back here. I have seen posts posts from people that came back from a failed attempt apologizing (unnecessarily) and they were given support. I've even seen goodbye threads delayed or aborted mid-process with the member receiving continued support.

From the FAQ -
"We do not encourage, promote, advise, suggest, or aid suicide in any way or form; we only provide a space to talk about it."

 

[FoxSauce]

Oh yeah fr, I hate myself went I sent a thread either beacuse I'm complaining to much over a small issue or I feel like people ole would hate or mock my post in any way.


Idk why that happens moslty but it does.

 

[Actovania]

I've never felt that way, I just use this to talk to people. I don't think I talk about my struggles as often as you may (I stay away from ctb discussions), I think I'm here mostly to make myself feel more calm, just with people who I share experiences with.

 

[CatLvr]

Do not EVER feel like you are "less than" just because you are still here. I can honestly say that if everyone here miraculously found a "cure" for whatever it is that causes them so much pain that they came looking for advice on CTB I would be SO very happy for each and everyone of us!!

I know there is a lot of focus on the Goodbye threads but there is also an entire section dedicated to Recovery. Please ... We are here to support each other -- in life ... And our freedom to choose ... And if need be, in death. We each will travel that path from birth, through life and to our death. It just depends, for each of us, how we want to travel that path. Some are ready to leave earlier than their body is ready for them to go. Not all pain is from the physical wearing out of our bodies. You will KNOW when it is your time. And if that doesn't happen for a long, long time -- or it happens tomorrow -- doesn't matter.

You are here now. And you are loved. Here. Now.

 

[EternalShore]

I've never felt that way tbh~ :) This community is just so nice and welcoming~ :)
I wouldn't worry about the attempting part either~ Sure, it may feel awkward for you, but nobody here will shame you for messing up :) I've been here longer than you and have failed an attempt too (granted, I didn't announce it ahead of time)~ Unfortunately, pro-lifers tend to shame SS members for that, and it's really unfortunate~ :( Supposedly, they want to save us, but they're the ones driving us here and making us feel like we have to go even tho we are here~ >_<

 

[22yearsbroken]

As i have only really posted a couple of threads myself... i find a kind of sense of relief when i do i pkst thise tbings because i need them out of me tbe things that get to me stress me make me feel shit.. getting them out helps me.. my replies are also similar i just give my honest opinion if it is not welcomed or no liked, it doeant bother me its my opinion .. i will never spogise for speaking my mind or feel guilt if i hurt someones feelings ..this is the only platform i talk on ..

No facebollxs
No twatter
No instershite
No tikity - go fuck your self- tok
No Discrap
Or any of the other places where you mostly play nice or get verbal abuse from people for having a different thought or idea or opinion on any topic here i can just be me..
I have got to speak to people witbout judgment or bias...

An actual free speech place .. with people not afriad to discuss the topics that normal people are ao afriad off..

 

[EgoBrained]

Hey, no shame here, afterall, this place is for people to come together and share our struggles without being judged for the unusual views on life we hold.
Many people here would wish you the best in achieveing whatever it is you decide on doing, whether it's to die or continue living and know that you are always welcome here!

 

[Forever Sleep]

No, because the implication would mean there should be an obligation for someone who joins a site like this to kill themselves within a certain time frame. To kill themselves full stop. That would actually be a cult and I don't believe it's what the site is or should be about. It's a safe space for people to discuss their feelings about suicide or, anything else- pretty much.

That said, I do fear making a thread about an attempt and failing. Not that I think people would be unwelcoming on my return but, I just don't fancy the emotional rollercoaster. I think it more likely I would post a scheduled delayed goodbye to avoid that though. But, I've only ever seen people be welcomed back as far as I recall.

People sometines get peculiar when SN attempts supposedly fail. That's one exception. I think because it scares those of us who plan to use it. Plus, people are concerned about pro-life infiltrators spreading misinformation/ fear.

I suppose it's actually weird for me not to feel more uncomfortable here. I certainly do in real life. I sense I'm boring people, irritating them, depressing them, worrying them. I'm very sensitive to that in real life. Here though- I feel like it's a choice. No one has to continue reading my thread if any of the above applies. They can choose to ignore it or, even put me on ignore if I piss them off.

So, I'd say- you do you. So long as it isn't harming anyone else. Some people will relate, some won't. If they get unnessesarily pissy though- just ignore them!

 

[Emerita]

Ok you all have good points. I definitely think its just an internal issue because SaSu has been so welcoming and other places are not as much, I forget that here's different sometimes, anyway thank you for your kindness as always (:

 

[Rust]

Very much so! Although for me, it's more about my comments just being wasted space. I don't really know how to explain it, but I will literally log out the second I make a post, since I fear backlash, despite this community being fantastic. I think I also just fear having an overall negative impact, which I think has been the case a few times. But like you, this place is also pretty much the only place I've been active. Apart from this place, I've made like 3 comments on reddit and got called a hot house plant or something like that before I decided to call it quits. It's very much an internal issue for me as well though.

 

[Rynalia]

I feel like this all the time, albeit probably from a different angle.

For me I know it's part of myself trying to bring the whole ship down to the abyss.

Someone could literally say "hello," and that evil little bastard inside will go like, "Did you see that? That hello seemed pretty passive aggressive. They probably have beef with you. Probably hate your guts. You're wasting their oxygen."

Playing 5D chess when you're both the player and the opponent is exhausting.

 

[Imeavie]

I think that you're experiencing a form of social anxiety. I also have 0 online presence outside of here.
With every thread I have created, I worry that it doesn't belong here, that I'm being narcissistic, and everyone is annoyed by me.

Yet I have only seen evidence to the contrary, with positive support.

That being said, I have ran into quite a bit of posts from you. I have found them to be very intelligent, and interesting. Not once have I felt you were out of place.
In fact its nice seeing someone actively enjoying this place, makes it feel like a real community.

 

[Cauliflour]

I have a habit of looking through sasu at like 1 am where I'm naturally more focused on basically everything, including whatever shit I was bottling up today. Makes the brain think of things it's trying to compress.