catastrophix
and my nightmares will have nightmares every night
- Feb 20, 2023
- 106
I'm so mad at myself. I just fucked up a lot of my progress within a span of two hours.
For background information, I've been trying to recover for a long time now but I just don't have much support due to the limited number of people in my life.
I haven't been doing great lately, just feeling very depressed and unmotivated. A couple days ago, I swore I saw one of my abusive ex partners at the grocery store, and it sent me into a full blown panic. And for the past two hours, I've been looking them up along with all my past friends and partners and they're all doing so well. They're thriving, even. They're all so happy, and part of the reason they're happy because I'm no longer in their lives.
If I get rid of myself, maybe I'll finally be happy, too.
I've had a potential plan in the back of my mind for years now, and I'm just wondering if I should finally take that walk to the nearest train track. It would be an absolutely awful way to go, but I don't really have any other options, and I don't think it gets any better for me. I just need to leave. I wasn't meant for this world.
For background information, I've been trying to recover for a long time now but I just don't have much support due to the limited number of people in my life.
I haven't been doing great lately, just feeling very depressed and unmotivated. A couple days ago, I swore I saw one of my abusive ex partners at the grocery store, and it sent me into a full blown panic. And for the past two hours, I've been looking them up along with all my past friends and partners and they're all doing so well. They're thriving, even. They're all so happy, and part of the reason they're happy because I'm no longer in their lives.
If I get rid of myself, maybe I'll finally be happy, too.
I've had a potential plan in the back of my mind for years now, and I'm just wondering if I should finally take that walk to the nearest train track. It would be an absolutely awful way to go, but I don't really have any other options, and I don't think it gets any better for me. I just need to leave. I wasn't meant for this world.
