Venting Every direction I turn I am met with a wall

[sadfrogquery]

I don't really know what i hope to get out of posting this and i'm sorry in advance for bad grammar, but i think i just need to get these words out. I have wanted to end things for so long and I remember when I used to be more open about it in highschool everyone just kept saying it would get better. it was all anyone had to say. but it's been years now and it's only gotten worse. i wish every day i had just found a way to do it in highschool so it could all be over. i have no interest in any kind of entry level job and i don't want to go back to school and be in debt forever just to maybe get a job in the field of my degree. i have no friends and whenever i try to make friends or possibly find a relationship online they eventually just stop replying to the conversation before we can even make plans to meet. even if it seemed to me like it was going well.
it's been impossible to find a therapist that can actually help me, and neither of my parents are any help. i was diagnosed with autism a couple months ago and things have just gotten worse and worse since then and i just can't take it anymore. i have no hope in the future, especially with the way things are going with ai and the US government and rising prices. i am too scared to try anything myself because i dont want to hurt my family but every time i leave the house i just hope i get into some kind of accident and die

 

[Another Iteration]

You are doing an incredible job. Coming here and sharing your frustrations is exactly what you can do to remain in control. You are very wise for coming here and asking for help, even if it is to shout at the wind.

I invite you to consider this: when you shout at the world, who is listening? Rest in silence long enough, and these terrible thoughts will diminish. They may come back again too; however, the ebb and flow of our nature will become apparent to you as you continue to experience the world. Keep experiencing, I invite you to keep going.

You can kill yourself too; that's what this website is all about. By accepting that you are fully in control of your life, nobody can impose their will on you. And as soon as you try to impose yourself on others, the dark thoughts will return. So stay connected.

I am on the same road as you and can point you in a multitude of directions--feel free to ask for guidance.

 

[isthisit?]

Sorry to hear that. Recently got diagnosed with autism myself and Ive seen a couple of my friends get diagnosed recently (like a 9 month span) aswell. What Ive noticed is that the moment someone gets diagnosed autism, everything becomes amplified all of a sudden. Luckly, I realised that before I got diagnosed and ever since being diagnosed, Ive fought against all kinds of "taking pride" in autism unlike a lot of my friends. I feel like not accepting it helps a lot, but milage may vary.
Anyways, good luck and Im always open to chat

 

[sadfrogquery]

Sorry to hear that. Recently got diagnosed with autism myself and Ive seen a couple of my friends get diagnosed recently (like a 9 month span) aswell. What Ive noticed is that the moment someone gets diagnosed autism, everything becomes amplified all of a sudden. Luckly, I realised that before I got diagnosed and ever since being diagnosed, Ive fought against all kinds of "taking pride" in autism unlike a lot of my friends. I feel like not accepting it helps a lot, but milage may vary.
Anyways, good luck and Im always open to chat

thank you, i definitely feel like i am regressing ever since my diagnosis. i suspect it before and i always knew there was something different about me but i just thought it was mental illness. what bothers me the most is that there's nothing i can do, no pills or surgery or treatment to make me not autistic. and because it's not severe and i'm high masking no one sees it and im just expected to be able to function like a neurotypical person

 

[isthisit?]

thank you, i definitely feel like i am regressing ever since my diagnosis. i suspect it before and i always knew there was something different about me but i just thought it was mental illness. what bothers me the most is that there's nothing i can do, no pills or surgery or treatment to make me not autistic. and because it's not severe and i'm high masking no one sees it and im just expected to be able to function like a neurotypical person

Yeah, you can still learn a lot of things like social ques and other such stuff, but there is no real cure. For me at least, Ive managed to maintain/fix it it to the point that no one realises it. I havent even told my parents about it. The only people who know are my gf, and 2 friends, 1 who I am really close with and (regrettably) another who betrayed me and dont trust at all.
When I compare myself to my other autistic friends, Im always more mature and competent. I think the difference comes from the lifestyle, I discipline myself and they blame everything they cant handle to autism.

 

[mrwagnerfan]

I've been diagnosed with autism and PTSD and let mw tell you you are very brave for sharing this. Finding a good therapist is hard and many sick lol. Keep trying and at least feel free to vent here.