Venting Every day is a punishment for still being alive

[sleeplessboyinbed]

I can't bring myself to do it. I want to die so much but i can't. Im being punished for my cowardice everyday. Im in constant pain. Maybe this way, life is just trying to push me over the edge so i could kill myself. At this point im doubting in myself, can i actually do it? Am i just going to be miserable for years and years? This can't keep going. I need to actually kill myself, not just dream about it. Sucks that it all depends on me, because i wouldn't trust myself: i already fucked in life, of course I'll fuck up in death too.