I find the idea of suicide comforting. If things don't work out, I can just exit my life. It makes me feel very selfish, though. Like I'm deliberately preparing to hurt all the people in my life. But sometimes I just feel like everyone else has it all, and I've got nothing, even though objectively I am probably luckier than a lot of other people. I have this deep sense of inferiority that is triggered by little things here and there, and the idea of suicide feels like a comforting thought in moments when I feel down or extremely anxious. I've attempted once years ago, but it was an attention-seeking act, and I never really wanted to die. Sometimes I wish that I truly meant it, was truly ready to go through with it, even though that's probably counterintuitive. Sometimes I wish I could just not feel a thing.
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TheGoodGuy
Illuminated
- Aug 27, 2018
- 3,080
I felt this way since I was 14-15 years old especially as you describe it being comforting to know that "you can just exit" I am now 32 years old and imo it isn´t easy to overcome SI at all so as bad as it sound right now and maybe slightly (pro-life) I think at least for me "the only way out is through" So I just try and improve my life despite it only gets worse and worse by each passing year and pro-lifers will of course tell you "you have to keep going", I don´t agree with that if you´re strong enough to ctb I respect those people sooo much!!! but for me but for me "the only way out is through" and fortunately it´s gonna end someday.
Thanks for sharing. Some days I wish I could end it all because it feels like my entire life is comprised of anxiety and hoping this one thing works out, and then it doesn't. I've had good moments, don't get me wrong, but I still feel inadequate. In a way, I think my SI is based on wanting to show people how much it hurts. So I too have respect for those who decide and do it, meanwhile I feel like I'm just playing pretend. Pathetic and attention-seeking. I just hope it gets better someday, but even then I feel like this sense of inadequacy will stay there, aching away,
bankai
Enlightened
- Mar 16, 2025
- 1,822
I want the method to be foolproof. I want it to be painless. I'm still on this site, just waiting for good information. And I'm just sitting at home simply just looking forward to die and being unable to.Man today is a bad day.
I understand. Yesterday was a terrible day for me. I found myself wishing for a suicide pill. It would make things easier. Nevertheless, the idea of nothingness scares me. I desperately want afterlife to be real in those moments.
WanderingGypsy
Member
- Jan 14, 2025
- 32
I have been thinking about this a lot! I have a lot of things in the air right now and a lot of things changing and shifting. I have felt like ctb for a long time now and have been feeling more ready, including coming up with a plan. Right now I'm waiting to hear if I got a job that I applied for, and I just found out the person I rent from is moving, meaning I'll have to move. Everything is so overwhelming and nothing seems to be working out right now. Right now, I'm kind of thinking if I don't get the job I might ctb. I feel like that would be the best thing considering I'm so broke and have no idea how I can afford to move and afford higher rent.
I'm already on the edge of being done and if these things don't work out, I think I'll go thru with it all and just finally have some peace!
I'm already on the edge of being done and if these things don't work out, I think I'll go thru with it all and just finally have some peace!
I'm the same. If I don't get the job, I feel like my life will be over. And this won't be the first time. Makes me want to come up with a back-up plan, but no methods seem reliable.
I hope things work out for you. Reading your response was like reading my own thoughts. In those moments, I so deeply wish things like manifestation were real. I wish I could have some control over these things.
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EmptyBottle
Friends with Aera23
- Apr 10, 2025
- 412
Sometimes, I feel like CTB is a backup plan, tho thoughts seem to have changed to 'becoming a missing person' as a theoretical backup plan (can end in anything from a few minutes walking randomly to never being able to login again... to put it lightly.)
In practice, I doubt those plans will be activated.
In practice, I doubt those plans will be activated.
voorpret
international diva
- May 29, 2025
- 5
I feel a lot like you. However, I know that I've got many things going for me and this in turn makes me feel ungrateful for not "appreciating" it properly. It's a cycle. It's a backup plan because I still hope someday I'll be able to appreciate it.
Alexandra0
Don't Fear the Reaper
- Sep 30, 2023
- 432
Can't relate to this :/ suicide is my plan A and I'm actively working towards it. Everything else that comprises my waking life is empty and superfluous.
SmilingNoMore
Paragon
- Nov 25, 2024
- 954
I'm looking forward to finally being able to order SN this weekend. It has been on my mind every day since I learned about it here when I joined, shortly after becoming suicidal. A lot has changed for me yet also stayed the same. The one sure thing is I will buy SN to have it, because I never want to feel like I have been without access to it. At this point (today) I feel I will not use it immediately, and that I still have hope in a person. Tomorrow, I may think differently, but I know I will have SN soon and I'm pretty damn excited about it.
Rynalia
Who even am I?
- Apr 22, 2025
- 223
Same here.
Suicide is Plan A, and there is no back up. I am actively neglecting/ruining my health and getting rid of avenues for potential recovery.
There is no meaning for me being here--I just want out and gone.
It doesn't seem easy to me. (Unless I did have a mythical suicide pill in the cupboard.)
VoidButterfly
Flitterby
- May 17, 2025
- 95
My life can be split into the times it was a backup plan and the times it was the plan. It's never not been an option, I don't think I could make it through a day if I was stuck here.
Dyingoportunity
What looks so strong, so delicate
- May 9, 2025
- 54
Anxiety and depression are equal opportunity haters. even though i'm also in a fairly fortunate situation compared to some people as well, there are still a myriad of things that cloud the brain and bring despair.
You are allowed to feel the way you do.
For me it is the last resort, and this site makes it easier to find information should that day come and keeps me from doing something incredibly stupid out of impulse in the meantime. I guess part of that is because I'm a fairly stubborn person, and most of the time I have an unshakeable push in me to keep moving forward in spite of everything.
You are allowed to feel the way you do.
For me it is the last resort, and this site makes it easier to find information should that day come and keeps me from doing something incredibly stupid out of impulse in the meantime. I guess part of that is because I'm a fairly stubborn person, and most of the time I have an unshakeable push in me to keep moving forward in spite of everything.
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whatishope
Member
- May 29, 2025
- 31
I felt SI from time to time for a long time. I often didn't take it seriously. Now I do. Until I still see potential solutions to fix my life, I will try them. Once there are no more options left, I'm out. I've made up my mind about that.
I also often fantasise about going missing, or running away. It's hard to imagine carrying that out in real life, though. But at least then you have the option to exit your life and come back if you decide it's worth it after all. I don't know. It's probably silly.
I'm the same. I just hope it gets better and someday I can be truly happy. If anything, I think I'm one of those people who don't actually want to die, but rather to start living the life they want. Which, weirdly enough, I often think is a shame. I wish I was stronger and just went through with it. Having hope makes me feel like a child play pretending having SI.
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BlockHammer
Losing My Religion
- Oct 25, 2023
- 272
Intresting, honestly i never thought thatvi would make suicide as a back up plan but 2 years ago up until now, i think the idea of suicide being the last plan bring comfort to me, like i try to fix my life but there're no progress at all. My friend at least got a job but i still strugle to find one, seeing people already live their life while im still stuck here makes suicide tempting sometimes
bankai
Enlightened
- Mar 16, 2025
- 1,822
Yeah, it's definitely been a backup plan. And the idea of it has been comforting. That being said, something I've witnessed recently makes me notwant to give up easily.Make no mistake, I completely support the idea of suicide. I think it's wonderful. But life is also wonderful. Yes, life is difficult, but life is also unique and special and just happens once. I don't think it ever happens again.
Major Tom
I found heaven in hell
- Feb 24, 2024
- 65
I i would lose my legs, got face deformed or get dementia i would 100% kill myself!
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