Discussion Even tho you are suicidal does the thought of your mother losing you even made you rethink your decision?

[jawdropped123]

Even tho you are suicidal does the thought of your mother losing you even made you rethink your decision?

 

[Ligottian]

Both of my parents are dead.

 

[Foresight]

Yes. That's something I thought just last night.

 

[jawdropped123]

Both of my parents are dead.

Im so sorry <3

 

[Graytaichi]

Yes, they will be devastated. Im in a same situation. They are pro livers .

 

[Eternal Oblivion]

My mother and father fucked me by neglecting me in several important aspects of my life, so I don't care in the slightest about how they are gonna feel.
I care about my girlfriend tho, absolutely nothing bad that is happening to me is her fault.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I think it used to but this is starting to work less and less. There is literally nothing my mother or anyone else could realistically do that would actually get me to reconsider committing suicide later this year.

The fact that I don't care anymore about breaking her heart and potentially driving her into a life of bereavement and grief just goes to show how severely far gone I've become in terms of how evil I am and thus only further proves my case that I need to be dead.

Plus the fact that I know she does not and would not understand my reasons for needing to CTB just makes me care even less about how she'd treat my own death because she'd probably become yet another typical anti-choice person who'd needlessly blame this site and deserves mockery for caring about me in the first place.

 

[Lost Magic]

I made sure my mother died first, so that I could later re-join her. I didn't want to die first because she already lost a young son.

 

[bigbeatmanifesto]

My Dad has already lost my Mum, I don't think I have it in me to leave too. Fuck, now I feel awful.

 

[FuneralCry]

No, not personally. I know that others would be sad, but death is inevitable for us all. Loss is a part of life, and life is so temporary and meaningless after all. I would never be able to stay alive for others, I have the right to exit at a time of my own choosing. I never asked to be here in the first place and all that I want is to end my suffering and be at peace.

 

[crying]

Anybody knows how to kill yourself fast?

 

[Red]

Never had a mother

 

[Ligottian]

Im so sorry <3

Thanks. They were both in their mid-eighties and died hard deaths from old age stuff. I will never allow myself to get close to their end of life conditions.

 

[jawdropped123]

Never had a mother

Damnn

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

1) That bitch is dead.

2) It never bothered me when I frequently tried to CTB when she was alive.

 

[its-about-time]

I know my mother will be devastated. That's about the extent of thought I can put into it. I just don't have emotions about it so I don't dwell on it. I want to leave her a letter because she's a great mom and deserves one but I don't have a clue what to even say. Like… sorry? You did your best? It's not your fault? Seems so impersonal. But better than nothing. I just have no emotion and so cannot write emotionally.

 

[Graytaichi]

This thread resonates with me. My mum is waiting for death so i holdimg back my ctb. Yeah its a factor big one.

 

[Shouldhavebeendone]

It used to be that thought that helped me continue, but it does not help now. I think in the long term she will be better off with me gone.

 

[ThrownAwayTom]

It used to be something that stopped me, but over the last year or so she's made it clear she couldn't care less and would probably just be thankful for the extra spare room in the house.

It was my birthday last weekend and it's been a few months before that since she's said a word to me.

 

[ornitier199]

No it does not.
When you're told to kill yourself so many times, you lose any chance of rethinking the decision.

 

[LucieInTheDark]

My mother was guilty of fucking me up a lot in the first place. I only hope she doesn't have the power to bury me with my deadname

 

[odradek]

It does slightly but it's not overwhelming sadly. My mother is very unengaged with me. She would be devastated of course and that gives me pause for sure. But ultimately I fear that this would not be something that would stop me.

 

[thedaywillcome]

No.

 

[allesistgut]

no, not for me. it's my friends who make me rethink and delay my plans. to be totally honestly i don't really care at all how my parents will feel about my death.

 

[Freedomindeath4me]

I'm such a sad sack that my life ending would release a huge weight off her shoulders whether she would be willing to admit it or not.

 

[bleedthefreak]

Yeah the strongest emotion I ever felt for my mother was pity, so that outcome weighed heavily on my mind for a while.

When she died I thought I was off the hook, but funnily enough those feelings transfered to my closest remaining maternal family, though to a much lesser extent in part due to the fact that we rarely talk.

In all though I think I largely came to terms with it quite a while before she died by developing a solipsistic view on life. Making any preparations or worrying about things after my death is irrational because for all intents and purposes, things end with me. It's a useful rationalization for the end solution, but I think it made me a worse person in the meantime. Or maybe it's a product of me being a bad person to begin with.

Fwiw my main deterrent for the past few years has been the fear of quantum immortality, which I only learned the proper term for recently. Idc about my family mourning me if I'm dead, but having to face them after destroying my life, or somehow regaining consciousness after death and experiencing their mourning is terrifying.

 

[Lost Magic]

I'm the opposite, losing my mother (a few years ago) has made me want to ctb more. I am glad that she went before me though. She is out of pain and suffering. I want to be out of it too. I wonder when that next bus to the netherworld departs? One way ticket please.

 

[Pain In The Ass]

Even tho you are suicidal does the thought of your mother losing you even made you rethink your decision?

I wish they would all die, so I don't have to feel guilty. I'm sure the guilt will stop once I'm dead though!

 

[Livingvsdying25]

I hope the bitch suffers but she's too narcissistic to feel anything about anyone that isn't herself.

I don't care how my family will feel. They don't deserve to have me in their lives when all they do is mistreat me.

 

[Megneedshelp]

Absolutely. She lost her brother to suicide 10+ years ago and I see how much it still affects her. I know my decision is going to absolutely destroy my family and I really have tried to hold on for as long as I can, but I am in so much pain. You have to put yourself first in this world because no one else will.