Discussion Essential Pre-suicide Tasks

[overwhelming]

Hello, all.

I'm in the midst of planning a (hopefully) successful attempt via the night-night method, fingers crossed. I am considering potential dates. Before this attempt, I would like to try and get all things possible in my life in order. (I last was on this site 5 years ago or so, leaving abruptly hoping I could get things to change. I'm in the same place I have consistently been in the years since, so I'm ready to CTB. I came crawling back like a dog, haha.)

What are some steps or tasks you guys have taken in planning before your attempt date to secure personal privacy, comfort family or close individuals, your partner, maybe even considerations for your pets?

I'm debating on writing a singular note, or a series of personalized notes for whoever it may concern, or none at all. I am also wondering how to navigate CTB in the family home and how to reduce potential trauma for whoever has to find me, or ways to circumvent that and get a professional to do so.

Anything and everything is welcome. I'd like to check out as free of responsibility, relaxed, and assured that most everything I can control is under control. For added context, I am also in a 6 year relationship.

TLDR;
What steps/actions have you taken before your planned attempt to perform damage control on those close to you, your privacy, why people think you've attempted, a "legacy", etc.?

 

[monetpompo]

good post. i hope you get responses, since i don't actually know myself lol.

your privacy, why people think you've attempted

i might kill myself in my house even if it's not really optimal, since i'm still trying to find a place far enough outside to die. i think you could post a note on your room door to call the police, and to schedule emails/texts to your loved ones a day after. i've rewritten my suicide note several times so i'm kind of sick of trying to write one, but i think multiple letters would work if you have people that would be personally affected by your death. a letter to your partner would also give them more closure than not giving them one. i would also factory reset my electronics, delete my social media accounts, and delete my gmail. additionally, you could make notes in your suicide note about who you plan on leaving various things to. cleaning your room thoroughly makes it less troublesome for your family to sort through your things.

perform damage control on those close to you

i kind of have no idea how i'm meant to soften the blow of my death, since i expect it to be largely out of my hands. maybe talking abour your reasons in your letters would make others understand it more. that's probably what i would want to be the most in depth about.

 

[StrawberryRed]

The last time I was seriously planning to kms soon I did all the obvious stuff- return library books,deep clean/decluttering, etc. I didnt get this far but I was also planning on closing all my bank accounts, destroying my phone, and detailing my wishes for my funeral to help with planning- at the time I didnt want one though I doubt that would have happened. Detailing my wishes to be an organ donor ( eyes, skin, face idc) if I ended up brain- dead. In some places even if u register generally, ur family can still decide for less common body parts like listed. Not legally holding but could make some things easier.

I lived with other people so I planned for the middle of the night and to call the police myself beforehand. I was planning on poisoning which would take a while so I was planning to wait as long as possible. Part of the reason I changes my mind was so I could find a quicker method and have this be more certain. You can schedule a text I think. Also remembering to leave the front door unlocked so the knocking wont wake anyone up.

I was also very mindful about the date I chose if there was my celebrations or events ( duh) but also of my last conversation with basically everyone in my life. Stopped isolating and put real effort into being more energetic, positive- i think people feel better if they can say there was no real way of seeing it coming. I postponed multiple times because I got into arguments with people and I doubt want them to blame themselves. I didnt want to write a note, but that's really up to u and ur relationships. Idk if this is helpful, its all very basic stuff I think. Grieg is hard and for some life-ruining, ways of softening it are only gonna take way 0.1% in the end. Its just a part u have to accept ig.

 

[plytiene]

The main thing for me is to try and leave as little of a mess as possible. I live alone, so I plan to roughly:
1) Write a suicide note.
2) Leave written bank details so they go to someone, I don't care whom.
3) Tidy up as much as possible.
4) Leave the door unlocked.
5) Prepare a delayed message to the police to find my body.
That's it.

If you live with close ones or a partner, I would definitely try to schedule it so they don't find your body via the delayed text/mail/phone to the police or remote person, or if possible by doing my attempt well outside the common grounds where they can find me. But as others have said, grief is simply not really something in your control, and although the traumatic event can be obfuscated somewhat, the aftermath is out of your hands.

 

[overwhelming]

good post. i hope you get responses, since i don't actually know myself lol.


i might kill myself in my house even if it's not really optimal, since i'm still trying to find a place far enough outside to die. i think you could post a note on your room door to call the police, and to schedule emails/texts to your loved ones a day after. i've rewritten my suicide note several times so i'm kind of sick of trying to write one, but i think multiple letters would work if you have people that would be personally affected by your death. a letter to your partner would also give them more closure than not giving them one. i would also factory reset my electronics, delete my social media accounts, and delete my gmail. additionally, you could make notes in your suicide note about who you plan on leaving various things to. cleaning your room thoroughly makes it less troublesome for your family to sort through your things.


i kind of have no idea how i'm meant to soften the blow of my death, since i expect it to be largely out of my hands. maybe talking abour your reasons in your letters would make others understand it more. that's probably what i would want to be the most in depth about.

Thanks for your in-depth input, these are all fantastic ideas. Wishing you the best.

 

[Douggy82]

I'm starting to think overplanning contributes to SI. "Essential" is the keyword. Just do what is absolutely necessary so you don't put to pressure on yourself.

 

[2messdup]

Hello, all.

I'm in the midst of planning a (hopefully) successful attempt via the night-night method, fingers crossed. I am considering potential dates. Before this attempt, I would like to try and get all things possible in my life in order. (I last was on this site 5 years ago or so, leaving abruptly hoping I could get things to change. I'm in the same place I have consistently been in the years since, so I'm ready to CTB. I came crawling back like a dog, haha.)

What are some steps or tasks you guys have taken in planning before your attempt date to secure personal privacy, comfort family or close individuals, your partner, maybe even considerations for your pets?

I'm debating on writing a singular note, or a series of personalized notes for whoever it may concern, or none at all. I am also wondering how to navigate CTB in the family home and how to reduce potential trauma for whoever has to find me, or ways to circumvent that and get a professional to do so.

Anything and everything is welcome. I'd like to check out as free of responsibility, relaxed, and assured that most everything I can control is under control. For added context, I am also in a 6 year relationship.

TLDR;
What steps/actions have you taken before your planned attempt to perform damage control on those close to you, your privacy, why people think you've attempted, a "legacy", etc.?

I've got an end of life book where I've noted everything important and where it all is.
1.Made sure my will is up to date and written in the above book where the original is kept (solicitor has it) and who is the executor (solicitor).
2. Checked life insurance covers for suicide and added a trust to the policy so my chosen beneficiary gets the money, not family. Left easy instructions for my beneficiary on how to claim because he's no good with paperwork.
3. My will states what I want done with my remains.
4. Listed my private pensions with plan numbers and made an "expression of wish" for each of them so the money goes to my beneficiary. Left a note in each pension file that this has been done.
5. Listed who the utility companies, broadband, etc are so they can be cancelled.
6. Listed my banks.
7. Will leave a note for my beneficiary to contact citizens advice bureau if they're unsure about anything but that the executors should do most of it. Also told them which vet is best to see with our dog - he has the dog but I sort all that stuff out now.
8. Delayed email to mental health team asking them to call police and where my remains will be. Don't want strangers or ex finding me. Didn't want to involve MH team and make them distressed but police dont have a regularly checked email box.
9. Will probably leave notes for ex and family but I know the police take notes and give them back after the inquest, but still id like to leave notes. If anything to stop people blaming other people who weren't to blame.
Think that's everything. I'm in the process of sorting my files so it's easier for those left behind. But that's of minor importance.
Oh one other thing is I don't want it difficult for ex to live in my house or sell my house so I stead of ctb in the house, I'm going to do it in a tent in the garden. Also tents have been my safe place when I'm in any abusive situation.

 

[2messdup]

I'm starting to think overplanning contributes to SI. "Essential" is the keyword. Just do what is absolutely necessary so you don't put to pressure on yourself.

Tbh I think it's the opposite for me because not leaving my dog cared for would stop me. Now there's no pressure but when I get that tunnel vision again, no stray thoughts or worries will be there to stop me. But my ctb will almost certainly be impulsive even though my wish to die is almost constant.

 

[Kali_Yuga13]

1. Explicit medical directives to not autopsy (If leaving my body findable). Decide if I will be found as a suicide, accident or missing person presumed dead for my purposes.
2. Will
3. Timed emails/letters to the appropriate people that deserve some explanation and parting words to help them grieve. *Keep in mind that physical suicide notes are typically seized by law enforcement and either returned after an extended length of time (months) and sometimes never. Make and distribute duplicates with that in mind.
4. Pair down material possessions.
5. Eliminate outstanding debts to the best of my ability.
6. Email/letter of passwords of important sites like banks to the executer of my will.
7. Specify where to direct any donations from me or posthumously in my name.
8. Funerary and burial directives (as part of will)
9. I don't have any pets but I strongly advise anyone going through with ctb to rehome in advance or plan where they will be safely and lovingly rehomed.
10. Figure out where to give my rare books, art and musical instruments.
11.Get rid of or delete any personal papers, emails etc that would posthumously tarnish my memory in others.
12. Consolidate and archive any personal writings for posterity and send them to the appropriate relatives.

This is difficult to accomplish. In actuality it requires a level of functionality, planning and energy difficult for me to muster.

A will consolidates many of these tasks however. Pairing down possessions takes the most physical work. Financials the most mental work, Dealing with personal writings and things of meaning that I would have otherwise loved to keep with me into old age or pass to a legacy I failed to create is the most emotional.

Realizing there's a limit to lose ends I can or even need to tie up should help me keep it manageable. It will always feel like things are undone because my entire life has been undone.

Edit - If I decide to ctb in a remote area in nature, I'd consider printing and laminating some basic info to keep near my body to prevent an unnecessary forensic investigation.

 

[silentcicada]

This post goes over a little bit of everything!

 

[Droso]

I don't have much advice other than be careful with writing your suicide note. There is a chance that you survive the attempt by being found and "saved." If there is sensitive information in the note that you don't want them to know WHILE you're alive, I suggest you don't write it unless you are very certain that you won't be found. Of course, you can write stuff that you would be comfortable with them possibly knowing while you're alive.

Previously, I wanted to write a lot of shit that would probably get me locked in the psychward and then heavily watched for a long time. But now, out of caution, I am going to keep it short and sweet. If I do die and they want to know more, they can try to find this account.