Venting Envious of someone's attempt and support...

[XxEstenxX]

So someone in the fandom I'm in tried to kill themselves because of harassment and bullying. Apparently, they're a well known artist and they have a partner that told everyone the news on twitter.

I'm...jealous of the support they got.

I'm a nobody, and an unloveable fuck too. Even without the online support from strangers, at the very least, I wish I had the support of a close friend or partner.

If I fail my attempt, no one will know about it (unless I get caught). If I succeed, well, only my family will know. No one who isn't blood will know that I passed away, that I was suffering...

It just pisses me off that I'm envious over this. Its pathetic and sad and miserable, I know, but I can't help it.

No one gives a shit about you unless you have something to offer. I wish I was a talented artist. I wish I had the talent to make people care and love me.

 

[jengablocks]

yea you're totally valid. there's like some classism or capitalist influence or something, "they were such a bright and talented young individual" is like, a trope. mind numbingly common.

i wish i could say "you have value," but maybe there's a reason that's the go-to message of comfort. i don't think it matters whether you as a person offer value to anyone else, you deserve life and joy after being born into this world with as much control over it as anyone else. your last sentence seeps into the depths of my soul, for me personally i think my own thoughts unravel to just being "i wish i was normal" in a world that's built to support those normal people.

 

[XxEstenxX]

"they were such a bright and talented young individual"

It always irritates me whenever I hear someone say that. What about those of us who weren't intelligent or talented or achieved anything in life? Is my death worth mourning if I'm a nobody?

for me personally i think my own thoughts unravel to just being "i wish i was normal" in a world that's built to support those normal people.

They expect us to live without realizing that the society we live in doesn't want people like me alive anyway...or they dont care about my existence and wouldnt care if I rot.

It'd be so much easier if I was just "normal".