Ending it all when you have very close family members that love you

[lymbo]

He chose SN and seemed to have a very peaceful escape. He was very smart and always researched everything to the point where he knew everything about it, and because of this he nailed the routine. No vomit, no struggling, just laying peacefully in his bed with his favorite music playing as he drifted off. It gives me comfort to know that his final moments were as peaceful as can be.

at home ? dyd the cops start snoopyng qround the house or ask u a myllyon questyons y know they can be very unsencytyve

 

[painstricken]

I doubt he just brushed it off. I imagine it was probably just another source of pain in an already tormented soul.

Who knows though what he thought. I hear though that you want to find some way to ease your own pain here, some way of making sense of it all. And I cannot even imagine what it is like for you. The way you must be missing him, wondering why and wishing there was more you could have done.

I hear you wanting to make sense of his thoughts, I imagine some anger there as if he didn't think enough about the impact it would have on you.

And I don't know what to say here other than maybe pray for him to be in a better place and free from the pain.

That's probably true, but one of the painful aspects is that he didn't leave me a note. How could he have been thinking of me yet not left me any final words? He only left one note that he had delay posted on social media for everyone. Not personalized at all.

You are exactly right, there is not a second that goes by where I don't miss him more than anything. I would give anything to be able to talk to him one last time. Some anger is definitely there because it seems like he didn't think of me at all, but that's why I'm here trying to understand how and why this could be.

at home ? dyd the cops start snoopyng qround the house or ask u a myllyon questyons y know they can be very unsencytyve

Yes, in his bedroom. The cops were somewhat sensitive but they also needed his phone and computer for investigation, which I didn't want to give up because I thought answers might be on there.

 

[Fragile]

I'm sorry to hear you're going through so much suffering. Like you he must have felt like he couldn't take the pain anymore, and our suffering was a necessary consequence for his eternal peace. At least he's in a better place now.

I hope that he got to that place, and that you manage to make peace with this situation, it must be extremely hard.

this is a great place to vent out and share your suffering, so you are not alone.

 

[Are you lost too?]

I'm really sorry for your loss.
Even though he was very young, I don't think you should beat yourself up for "not seeing and not doing something about it". I think that, unfortunately, when you get to that point, there's nothing anybody could do.
I hope you're able you to forgive yourself, in a way.

At the end, we have to think about ourselves. For sure your brother was aware, but knowing that other people love you and would suffer if you left, is simply not enough of a reason to go on when you have lost all hope.

I'm really really sorry you're going through this.

 

[painstricken]

I hope that he got to that place, and that you manage to make peace with this situation, it must be extremely hard.

this is a great place to vent out and share your suffering, so you are not alone.

It is the hardest thing I have ever had to do, and hopefully I won't encounter anything as hard as this ever again. Venting and hearing all of your stories has definitely been helpful, so thank you. It does help to know I'm not alone, and if others have been able to get through it, hopefully I can too. But right now it feels beyond impossible.

I'm really sorry for your loss.
Even though he was very young, I don't think you should beat yourself up for "not seeing and not doing something about it". I think that, unfortunately, when you get to that point, there's nothing anybody could do.
I hope you're able you to forgive yourself, in a way.

At the end, we have to think about ourselves. For sure your brother was aware, but knowing that other people love you and would suffer if you left, is simply not enough of a reason to go on when you have lost all hope.

I'm really really sorry you're going through this.

Thank you, I have been trying to come to terms with the fact that even if I had known, there was probably nothing I could have said or done to save him. And even though we would talk for hours every day, neither I nor anyone else had any idea he was even considering such a thing. Forgiving myself has still been very hard because I feel like I should have been able to see it, but it truly came out of nowhere. He was amazing at hiding his pain.

That is what I'm having to realize. I keep wondering "why was I not enough to keep him here?", but it seems like nothing could be enough for someone overcome with despair like this. It is just so hard to imagine the pain he was experiencing because he always seemed so happy, even when his stomach condition was at its worst. I admired him so much for that, but the pain must have been eating him away inside.

 

[MeltingHeart]

Some friends would be heart broken if I ctb but they already are at seeing me suffering from such severe depression & not being able to help me- I am not even the old me anymore- I'm a fragment of my former self - so in that sense they have already 'lost' me. It will be painful in the short term - but better for all in the long term is how I see it. I'm sorry about yr loss.

 

[Are you lost too?]

It is the hardest thing I have ever had to do, and hopefully I won't encounter anything as hard as this ever again. Venting and hearing all of your stories has definitely been helpful, so thank you. It does help to know I'm not alone, and if others have been able to get through it, hopefully I can too. But right now it feels beyond impossible.

Thank you, I have been trying to come to terms with the fact that even if I had known, there was probably nothing I could have said or done to save him. And even though we would talk for hours every day, neither I nor anyone else had any idea he was even considering such a thing. Forgiving myself has still been very hard because I feel like I should have been able to see it, but it truly came out of nowhere. He was amazing at hiding his pain.

That is what I'm having to realize. I keep wondering "why was I not enough to keep him here?", but it seems like nothing could be enough for someone overcome with despair like this. It is just so hard to imagine the pain he was experiencing because he always seemed so happy, even when his stomach condition was at its worst. I admired him so much for that, but the pain must have been eating him away inside.

your post really touched me.. I can feel your pain.
I get it how it came as a shock to you.
I don't want to sound superficial , I understand how hard it is now, but maybe with time you will be able to better deal with what happened. To digest. Especially if he he seemed so happy.
I would also suggest you doing some therapy, I think it could really help you with dealing with this. Try to fight it ! Give all resources a chance before ctb. I'm not pro life, I just think that all you are going through must be really really tough and you could use some specialized help now.
it's good he went peacefully, and now his suffering is over.
maybe he didn't left you an exclusive note because it might have been so hard on him: deceiving you, maybe for how long, and trying to explain this to someone so close .. I imagine it wouldn't be easy for him either. Anyway, this is just a speculation but try to look at other angles ... at least this may help you in some way.
Sending you good thoughts and strength.

Some friends would be hear broken if I ctb but they already are at seeing me suffering from such severe depression & not being able to help me- I am not even the old me anymore- I'm a fragment of my former self - so in that sense they have already 'lost' me. It will be painful in the short term - but better for all in the long term is how I see it. I'm sorry about yr loss.

I feel just like you, a fragment of whom I used to be. Like I conquered all this stuff in the past and now I just feel incapable, like if not the same person. It's awful :(

 

[cant cry]

I figure some of my family members will grieve, then gradually time will lessen their pain and they'll move on. But time won't lessen my pain.

 

[Misanthrope]

I don't know if this will help. I know it is very personal to you but try not to view it as a rejection of your love or as if you were not good enough to stay for. It likely isn't.

Ask yourself this. You are stood beside a swimming pool. All the people you love and care about are in that pool having fun. Then someone douses you in petrol and lights you on fire. In that state do you think you can enjoy a good book? A sunrise? A tasty pizza and fun outing with friends and family? At what point will you feel compelled to jump into the pool disturbing all the people playing just to extinguish the fire and the pain you are in? How horrifying will the natural span of life look to you if the current flames are anything to go by? How does the sadness of others compare to that. When that sadness will soften eventually?

It is an invisible fire but it is no less agonising and destructive to all that is valued. That is the closest example I can give you to how suicidal thinking feels and why there is a grudging acceptance of hurting the ones we love even though we wish there were a better way that did not involve that hurt. You did the best you could. They may not have left you a note, but how long did they refrain from jumping in the pool for, just so you could go on playing? How long did they mask the true extent of their pain for? That is a serious testament of love right there but pain sadly wins over us all if it cannot be put out. Maybe they told you nothing and lied to your face because they knew you may take it to a place of self blame and did not want to put that strain on you, by leaving you with the thought you could have done more and should have done more.

They made a personal choice in the end. Yes it hurt you, but I doubt there was malicious intent, just pain and the need to escape it. You are not responsible for that. So try and be gentle with yourself. Remember the positive traits and don't let their ends sour who they were to you and the value they had at the time. That love sounds very real. Cherish you had that. It is not a case your love was not enough, it was case of the pain was too great and that is no reflection on you.

 

[Are you lost too?]

I don't know if this will help. I know it is very personal to you but try not to view it as a rejection of your love or as if you were not good enough to stay for. It likely isn't.

Ask yourself this. You are stood beside a swimming pool. All the people you love and care about are in that pool having fun. Then someone douses you in petrol and lights you on fire. In that state do you think you can enjoy a good book? A sunrise? A tasty pizza and fun outing with friends and family? At what point will you feel compelled to jump into the pool disturbing all the people playing just to extinguish the fire and the pain you are in? How horrifying will the natural span of life look to you if the current flames are anything to go by? How does the sadness of others compare to that. When that sadness will soften eventually?

It is an invisible fire but it is no less agonising and destructive to all that is valued. That is the closest example I can give you to how suicidal thinking feels and why there is a grudging acceptance of hurting the ones we love even though we wish there were a better way that did not involve that hurt. You did the best you could. They may not have left you a note, but how long did they refrain from jumping in the pool for, just so you could go on playing? How long did they mask the true extent of their pain for? That is a serious testament of love right there but pain sadly wins over us all if it cannot be put out. Maybe they told you nothing and lied to your face because they knew you may take it to a place of self blame and did not want to put that strain on you, by leaving you with the thought you could have done more and should have done more.

They made a personal choice in the end. Yes it hurt you, but I doubt there was malicious intent, just pain and the need to escape it. You are not responsible for that. So try and be gentle with yourself. Remember the positive traits and don't let their ends sour who they were to you and the value they had at the time. That love sounds very real. Cherish you had that. It is not a case your love was not enough, it was case of the pain was too great and that is no reflection on you.

Beautiful words. and I loved the pool metaphor!

 

[painstricken]

I don't know if this will help. I know it is very personal to you but try not to view it as a rejection of your love or as if you were not good enough to stay for. It likely isn't.

Ask yourself this. You are stood beside a swimming pool. All the people you love and care about are in that pool having fun. Then someone douses you in petrol and lights you on fire. In that state do you think you can enjoy a good book? A sunrise? A tasty pizza and fun outing with friends and family? At what point will you feel compelled to jump into the pool disturbing all the people playing just to extinguish the fire and the pain you are in? How horrifying will the natural span of life look to you if the current flames are anything to go by? How does the sadness of others compare to that. When that sadness will soften eventually?

It is an invisible fire but it is no less agonising and destructive to all that is valued. That is the closest example I can give you to how suicidal thinking feels and why there is a grudging acceptance of hurting the ones we love even though we wish there were a better way that did not involve that hurt. You did the best you could. They may not have left you a note, but how long did they refrain from jumping in the pool for, just so you could go on playing? How long did they mask the true extent of their pain for? That is a serious testament of love right there but pain sadly wins over us all if it cannot be put out. Maybe they told you nothing and lied to your face because they knew you may take it to a place of self blame and did not want to put that strain on you, by leaving you with the thought you could have done more and should have done more.

They made a personal choice in the end. Yes it hurt you, but I doubt there was malicious intent, just pain and the need to escape it. You are not responsible for that. So try and be gentle with yourself. Remember the positive traits and don't let their ends sour who they were to you and the value they had at the time. That love sounds very real. Cherish you had that. It is not a case your love was not enough, it was case of the pain was too great and that is no reflection on you.

Thank you so much for this, your words are truly touching and I needed to hear them. You are right, there definitely wasn't malicious intent, he just wanted to be at peace. I'm really trying to put the anger and feelings of abandonment aside so that this doesn't taint the 16 amazing years we had together as best friends like you said. I get closer to being able to do that the more I understand. Thank you for helping me do that, and thank you for giving me some perspective.

your post really touched me.. I can feel your pain.
I get it how it came as a shock to you.
I don't want to sound superficial , I understand how hard it is now, but maybe with time you will be able to better deal with what happened. To digest. Especially if he he seemed so happy.
I would also suggest you doing some therapy, I think it could really help you with dealing with this. Try to fight it ! Give all resources a chance before ctb. I'm not pro life, I just think that all you are going through must be really really tough and you could use some specialized help now.
it's good he went peacefully, and now his suffering is over.
maybe he didn't left you an exclusive note because it might have been so hard on him: deceiving you, maybe for how long, and trying to explain this to someone so close .. I imagine it wouldn't be easy for him either. Anyway, this is just a speculation but try to look at other angles ... at least this may help you in some way.
Sending you good thoughts and strength.

I feel just like you, a fragment of whom I used to be. Like I conquered all this stuff in the past and now I just feel incapable, like if not the same person. It's awful :(

Thank you, I started seeing a therapist the week after it happened and while it can sometimes help a little, there is only so much she can do. You're probably right, my therapist said the same thing; He couldn't leave me a personal note because that would have made my pain too real to him and he might not have been able to follow through. I appreciate your good thoughts and I hope I will eventually be able to muster up enough strength to carry on. Much love.

 

[popwhat]

you can't understand how he felt and you never will. even the pain of losing him you're feeling right now might not be the half of his when he was here, you never know. for me, people tell me that they understand but they have no idea. they don't know even when i'm not feeling depressed laughing at their faces deep inside i want to be gone. i want my loved ones to accept the fact that i will be gone and it's going to be in my way because i deserve to have that due to all the suffering i had. life thing didn't work out for me and it never will but i want them to know that it will work out for them and they have to move on because they can. because they are not like me.

 

[Are you lost too?]

I don't know if this will help. I know it is very personal to you but try not to view it as a rejection of your love or as if you were not good enough to stay for. It likely isn't.

Ask yourself this. You are stood beside a swimming pool. All the people you love and care about are in that pool having fun. Then someone douses you in petrol and lights you on fire. In that state do you think you can enjoy a good book? A sunrise? A tasty pizza and fun outing with friends and family? At what point will you feel compelled to jump into the pool disturbing all the people playing just to extinguish the fire and the pain you are in? How horrifying will the natural span of life look to you if the current flames are anything to go by? How does the sadness of others compare to that. When that sadness will soften eventually?

It is an invisible fire but it is no less agonising and destructive to all that is valued. That is the closest example I can give you to how suicidal thinking feels and why there is a grudging acceptance of hurting the ones we love even though we wish there were a better way that did not involve that hurt. You did the best you could. They may not have left you a note, but how long did they refrain from jumping in the pool for, just so you could go on playing? How long did they mask the true extent of their pain for? That is a serious testament of love right there but pain sadly wins over us all if it cannot be put out. Maybe they told you nothing and lied to your face because they knew you may take it to a place of self blame and did not want to put that strain on you, by leaving you with the thought you could have done more and should have done more.

They made a personal choice in the end. Yes it hurt you, but I doubt there was malicious intent, just pain and the need to escape it. You are not responsible for that. So try and be gentle with yourself. Remember the positive traits and don't let their ends sour who they were to you and the value they had at the time. That love sounds very real. Cherish you had that. It is not a case your love was not enough, it was case of the pain was too great and that is no reflection on you.

If you don't mind... could I borrow your metaphor ? I think it will fit my letter very well, so my parents can understand, even a little. think I'm gonna add this metaphor in my letter, of my parents understand more, even just a little, it would be great.

 

[MeltingHeart]

That's probably true, but one of the painful aspects is that he didn't leave me a note. How could he have been thinking of me yet not left me any final words? He only left one note that he had delay posted on social media for everyone. Not personalized at all.

You are exactly right, there is not a second that goes by where I don't miss him more than anything. I would give anything to be able to talk to him one last time. Some anger is definitely there because it seems like he didn't think of me at all, but that's why I'm here trying to understand how and why this could be.

Yes, in his bedroom. The cops were somewhat sensitive but they also needed his phone and computer for investigation, which I didn't want to give up because I thought answers might be on there.

@painstricken - did you find out about this site because he was on it for support and people to talk to? or did you just join seeking answers I guess?

 

[Are you lost too?]

Thank you so much for this, your words are truly touching and I needed to hear them. You are right, there definitely wasn't malicious intent, he just wanted to be at peace. I'm really trying to put the anger and feelings of abandonment aside so that this doesn't taint the 16 amazing years we had together as best friends like you said. I get closer to being able to do that the more I understand. Thank you for helping me do that, and thank you for giving me some perspective.

Thank you, I started seeing a therapist the week after it happened and while it can sometimes help a little, there is only so much she can do. You're probably right, my therapist said the same thing; He couldn't leave me a personal note because that would have made my pain too real to him and he might not have been able to follow through. I appreciate your good thoughts and I hope I will eventually be able to muster up enough strength to carry on. Much love.

It's great you started therapy right after it ! I do therapy myself and I know just exactly how you feel, in the end it's awesome but you have to do most of the work! For this one really give it some time because the more you talk and she knows you and your relationship to your brother better, at more and deep conclusions You will be able to arrive together. Therapy really is something that takes a lot of time. Unfortunately you feel like you need an answer now, because of so much pain.
in addition keep an eye on your progress and how you're feeling and if in a few months you don't feel any any better or worsening, discuss with her seeing a psychiatrist to maybe take some antidepressants.
you are in crisis, the storm is passing and making you feel like it's taking everything. So you can't see now, but you will get better.it will just take some or a lot of time. But don't rush nor put pressure yourself. Go at your rhythm. In a few weeks try to do something for yourself. Even it is a tiny tiny little thing and you feel like you need to put tons of efforts on it.
Realize that even coming here to talk about it, to try and shine some light on how he felt, this was something you've done for yourself.

 

[Sweet emotion]

My 16 year old brother and best friend took his life a couple of weeks ago and it has absolutely destroyed me. I didn't think it was possible to feel this much pain. We were incredibly close and I would tell him all the time how much I love him and need him. We also have loving parents that would do anything for us, and he also had several close friends that really cared about him. He knew that taking his life would inflict unimaginable pain upon all of us, yet he chose to do it anyway. I feel betrayed and abandoned, and I still can't figure out how he could do something like this to me. I was never suicidal before this happened but now there's not a day that goes by where I don't want to end the pain, but my mind immediately jumps to my girlfriend, parents, and friends and how I can't cause them all the pain my brother caused me. I don't understand how his mind wouldn't jump to the same place as soon as he seriously started considering it.

So here's my question to those of you with very close family or friends that you know love you more than anything: How can you seriously consider leaving them and inflicting a life-changing amount of everlasting pain? He lied right to my face and promised me he would never do this, and I still can't believe he actually did. I really want to understand what was going on in his mind that made him think this was okay, so what do you guys tell yourself as to why this is an okay decision to make despite having loved ones that rely on you? Do you have any insight as to how he could do this? Thank you in advance, I'm desperate to understand.

I'm very sorry for your lost. I just ask that you don't make us feel like awful people because we want to end our suffering. I have the highest ranking pain condition in medical history. I've had it for over 14 years from 20-34. When life is so painful and so miserable all you want to do is leave. Don't take it as your brother did this to you. Like he deliberately did this to you. If you've never been in someone's shoes before you can't judge what they've done. I have no quality of life. Should I just stick around so people can see my lying in my bed? Should I take in years and years of serious physical pain for those I love? No. I'm the only one who has to live this life. No one else. I would want my family to be at peace knowing I'm no suffering anymore. I don't know what caused your brother to take his life and you can't blame him or hold a grudge against him. You can't take what he did personal and you have to have sympathy towards people in pain. The why you've worded your post makes it feel like you're calling us terrible people for want to end our suffering even though we have family. That's not the case. You've obviously never understood physical pain that is so bad you want to die or depression or mental illness. I just ask you to be more considerate with the way you word your post.

He had a stomach condition that caused him to feel like he had the flu all the time. Intense pain and nausea that the doctors had yet to find a cure for, though he had another diagnostic test scheduled for 3 days after he did it that would have determined if it was indeed permanent like he thought. In addition he got very into nihilism, bad faith, and anti-natalism; He thought the asymmetry between pain and pleasure made life inherently bad and not worth living. However on the outside he was one of the happiest, goofiest kids you'd ever meet. No one thought for a second that he would actually do this, and he would tell me that his favorite philosophers were still alive because suicide "isn't legitimate", since once you're dead none of the pain mattered anyway. I guess he didn't really believe that, and he must have been in more pain than I knew. I still find it hard to believe that it could be anywhere near this painful, which is why I wish he stuck around and asked for my help so I could have done something.

What could you have done to take away his physical pain? Nothing. Same in my situation. I think it's selfish of people to want you to live in unbearable pain for their purposes.

 

[Whitewash11235814]

Be happy your brother is no longer in unbearable agony. If he took his time researching minutest of details concerning a particular method of Cbt, he was likely deep in despair...Apparently deep beyond repair. People choose to take their lives for a myriad of reasons. You can go with "sadness clouds the eyes" if it suits you.

"He didn't suffer for me" sounds ridiculous to me. This isn't slavery. You live for you, and I believe that if you're saying things such as "my family will be in pain... ahhh." , it just means you haven't surpassed a certain threshold and in reality don't want to cbt all that much.

Some very empathetic and compassionate and beloved celebrities with ginormous fan bases and love mail and great families and all the goodies whether it be material or seemingly emotional decide to take cut their journey early. It is more about one's pain threshold than selfishness. I can assure you that many who CTB are empaths with very very very large hearts. To call them selfish or even hint at them being selfish is doing a disservice to their character. Didn't you love your brother? I'm guessing you didn't love him for his "self-centered personality" but rather for his love for you and your family. You loved that he loved, right?

I don't want to sound rude but this post sounds exceptionally naive to me and ironically very self-centered. That's just a fact, pal.

 

[Wreck-it-Riley]

Be happy your brother is no longer in unbearable agony. If he took his time researching minutest of details concerning a particular method of CTB, he was likely deep in despair...Apparently deep beyond repair. People choose to take their lives for a myriad of reasons. You can go with "sadness clouds the eyes" if it suits you.

"He didn't suffer for me" sounds ridiculous to me. This isn't slavery. You live for you, and I believe that if you're saying things such as "my family will be in pain... ahhh." , it just means you haven't surpassed a certain threshold and in reality don't want to cbt all that much.

Some very empathetic and compassionate and beloved celebrities with ginormous fan bases and love mail and great families and all the goodies whether it be material or seemingly emotional decide to take cut their journey early. It is more about one's pain threshold than selfishness. I can assure you that many who CTB are empaths with very very very large hearts. To call them selfish or even hint at them being selfish is doing a disservice to their character. Didn't you love your brother? I'm guessing you didn't love him for his "self-centered personality" but rather for his love for you and your family. You loved that he loved, right?

I don't want to sound rude but this post sounds exceptionally naive to me and ironically very self-centered. That's just a fact, pal.

A few posts like this and i would have left here immediately. Somebody came here looking for answers and comfort, and expressed himself emotionally. if you real the entire thread, his opinion shifts drastically from the upset int he original post. Much more compassion after receiving some. As a new member, keep in mind we are all here for compassion. not once does he attack his brother or suicidal people, just expresses that it feels selfish, and he cant see why somebody would do this.

I'm very sorry for your lost. I just ask that you don't make us feel like awful people because we want to end our suffering. I have the highest ranking pain condition in medical history. I've had it for over 14 years from 20-34. When life is so painful and so miserable all you want to do is leave. Don't take it as your brother did this to you. Like he deliberately did this to you. If you've never been in someone's shoes before you can't judge what they've done. I have no quality of life. Should I just stick around so people can see my lying in my bed? Should I take in years and years of serious physical pain for those I love? No. I'm the only one who has to live this life. No one else. I would want my family to be at peace knowing I'm no suffering anymore. I don't know what caused your brother to take his life and you can't blame him or hold a grudge against him. You can't take what he did personal and you have to have sympathy towards people in pain. The why you've worded your post makes it feel like you're calling us terrible people for want to end our suffering even though we have family. That's not the case. You've obviously never understood physical pain that is so bad you want to die or depression or mental illness. I just ask you to be more considerate with the way you word your post.

What could you have done to take away his physical pain? Nothing. Same in my situation. I think it's selfish of people to want you to live in unbearable pain for their purposes.

Again, his wording is fine. He is begging for answers, not screaming "you bastards". His brother had an appointment that may have held deeper answers just 3 days after. At 16, medical issues are not always set in stone, the body can recover if they find the issue. He doesnt say if this condition has been around for 6 months or 6 years, but your own physical pain being incurable doesn't mean there wasn't something the doctor could do. I would be a little upset as well.

Honestly it feels like some people on here want this to only be a "How do we kill ourselfs guide" and keep out anyone who has been hurt or wants to have hope.

 

[Whitewash11235814]

If a highly empathetic person who has been selfless for 20 years in the service of others cbts, then everybody has the capacity to be selfish. It is common to all humans. Since it is common to all humans you ought to not hold it against them...

Simple logic.

A few posts like this and i would have left here immediately. Somebody came here looking for answers and comfort, and expressed himself emotionally. if you real the entire thread, his opinion shifts drastically from the upset int he original post. Much more compassion after receiving some. As a new member, keep in mind we are all here for compassion. not once does he attack his brother or suicidal people, just expresses that it feels selfish, and he cant see why somebody would do this.

Again, his wording is fine. He is begging for answers, not screaming "you bastards". His brother had an appointment that may have held deeper answers just 3 days after. At 16, medical issues are not always set in stone, the body can recover if they find the issue. He doesnt say if this condition has been around for 6 months or 6 years, but your own physical pain being incurable doesn't mean there wasn't something the doctor could do. I would be a little upset as well.

Honestly it feels like some people on here want this to only be a "How do we kill ourselfs guide" and keep out anyone who has been hurt or wants to have hope.

Okay, sorry.


his post clearly states that he thinks it was a selfish act. Posting this type of post here could easily make some members feel like 'bad' guys. I shouldn't have expressed myself maybe as harshly. There are two interpretations to his post. One is that he is confused and asking the experts, and the other is where he is calling us immoral for even thinking about it.

 

[Wreck-it-Riley]

If a highly empathetic person who has been selfless for 20 years in the service of others commits suicide, then everybody has the capacity to be selfish. It is common to all humans. Since it is common to all humans you ought to not hold it against them...

Simple logic.

Okay, sorry.


his post clearly states that he thinks it was a selfish act. Posting this type of post here could easily make some members feel like 'bad' guys. I shouldn't have expressed myself maybe as harshly. There are two interpretations to his post. One is that he is confused and asking the experts, and the other is where he is calling us immoral for even thinking about it.

I see where you are coming from 100%. Point of view matters. My point of view is the same as yours, i plan to shuffle off my mortal coil. But his is of somebody who has had somebody end their life a room or two over. They dont want to die (Current pain aside), and need to know how his brother felt. What could have made him think this was the only way out. In an emotional state, he expressed himself well. I think i would have been cursing us all if i were in those shoes.

 

[Kodama]

Was it an impulsive attempt ?
I'm thinking about CTB every days, I have my plan crystallized in my mind but each time I'm with my beloved children I'm thinking: impossible to do it...
i'm Not 100% sure I'll CTB but if I'll do it, it will be impulsively for sure.
So sorry for you BTW

 

[Littleone]

Thank you so much for this, your words are truly touching and I needed to hear them. You are right, there definitely wasn't malicious intent, he just wanted to be at peace. I'm really trying to put the anger and feelings of abandonment aside so that this doesn't taint the 16 amazing years we had together as best friends like you said. I get closer to being able to do that the more I understand. Thank you for helping me do that, and thank you for giving me some perspective.

As you know, I'm living a very similar situation after my father's suicide. I've read @Misanthrope post and it helped myself as well, thank you. I only wanted to tell you that we have to allow ourselves to feel anger, abandonment and any other painful feeling, because it's part of the grieving process (if you're seen a therapist, probably she has already told you).
Count on me to share any feeling. Obviously, I'm sorry for your loss, but I'm glad we could share this.
Take care.

 

[SlackJim]

I'm really sorry to hear that, and I couldn't imagine what it would be like if my brother did this. Just understand, like others have said, in your brothers mind it really isn't a selfish decision. It can be the most selfless, difficult thing to choose to do. Unfortunately most people in this situation don't have the ability to be honest with people close to them. 'lying to you' was just a result of the world we live in, no bad intentions by him. Having loved ones is the biggest thing stopping most people from killing themselves, so to override that, means the suffering must be truly unbearable.

Yes this is life changing and devastating for you, I hope you can heal and live a fulfilling life. You may never be the same, but time can help with bereavement. Be honest with those close to you, I'm sure you have a lot of support at your disposal.

 

[LittleJem]

I am sorry for your loss.

Science is now learning that suicidal brains have different circuitry and genetics. I've posted one article below on this, but more are out there. The simple answer is that suicidal people are tortured by their faulty brains.

I have wanted to die for 20 years and for the past few years, am telling family and friends I do not want to suffer much longer. I can't protect them from the grief, and in particular I don't want to upset my mum. But how much longer can I stand this suffering? Trying treatments and nothing helping....?

Brain scans as predictors of suicide

Suicide is this country’s 10th leading cause of death. Among teens and young adults, it is the second-leading cause of death.

medicine.yale.edu

 

[Janebb]

It's a really really long bridge to gap between those that consider ctb, and those that simply never have, or maybe fleeting thoughts, and that's all. To those that have not had to endure utter torment and utter hopelessness to the point that the only way for them to receive peace is to exit, it is impossible to explain. I am not sure it's possible in any way to truly convey what it's like. I am so very sorry for the pain you and your family are in. I have not lost anyone to ctb before, I can not possibly know, or pretend to know, what this is like for you. Love and light.

I totally feel this. I have lost my uncle to ctb and saw how affected the family. He was diagnosed just like me. I figure the 50% suicide rate for Bipolar will give them some understanding. Plus I will do my best to write a thoughtful caring message.

 

[LittleJem]

Here is another article, this one states epigenetics as a cause: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-origins-of-suicidal-brains/

 

[schopenh]

> How can you seriously consider leaving them and inflicting a life-changing amount of everlasting pain?

I am absolutely tortured every day by neuropathic pain and disability refractory to pain meds and other therapy. The flip side of the argument, is how can my friends and family reasonably expect me to suffer like this every single day until I die of natural causes (I'm only 28) because they don't want to deal with the grief of losing me in their lives.
The selfish game goes both ways and in that sense it's useless.

 

[XXX]

I'm very sorry for your loss. My loved ones would very likely feel the same way if I choose to do it.

The reasons wary. Some people are in such a horrible pain that they just can't live with it. I am one of those who has much to live for. But I hate myself. No matter how much others love you, if you hate yourself and feel like an abject failure, with no way out of it - the sad truth is that the love of others won't change it.

I don't know if I can explain it better than that, not knowing why exactly your brother did it.

But it's something different from being disappointed with yourself or disliking some parts of yourself. It is fundamental, visceral loathing - a feeling of being trapped in a body and mind that you want to recoil from. Perhaps that is what all suicidal people have in common - the feeling of being trapped, wanting to escape. Trapped animals can chew their limbs off to escape.

Thank you, I started seeing a therapist the week after it happened and while it can sometimes help a little, there is only so much she can do.

Maybe that will help you relate... for people who feel suicidal, there very often is "only so much a therapist can do".

 

[Farmmaa]

Some friends would be heart broken if I ctb but they already are at seeing me suffering from such severe depression & not being able to help me- I am not even the old me anymore- I'm a fragment of my former self - so in that sense they have already 'lost' me. It will be painful in the short term - but better for all in the long term is how I see it. I'm sorry about yr loss.

This exactly.
I lost my brother and 15 year old niece almost 2 years ago to a horrific accident and the pain for my sister in law, surviving niece , myself and my dad is unbearable.
I have four grown children and the thought of putting them through that pain is the only thing that has kept me here so far.
But, my depression and despair has put a huge strain on my relationship with them. They have told me that they want the old me back again.... quite simply, they don't even much like who I have become. They lost their mom many years ago.
Right now I see myself as nothing but a huge burden and source of pain and disappointment to my entire family.
It may be impossible for those not suffering to comprehend, but in our minds, no matter the grief it may cause, our exit is better for our loved ones in the long run.

 

[BPD Barbie]

I kept myself alive for so long becuase of other people and for their sake instead of mine. But it gets to a point where I cannot keep going for someone else, no matter how much I know it will hurt them. For the first time in my life I have to put myself first and make a decision that will benefit me.

I'm so sorry to hear what you've been through. Can't begin to imagine how this has impacted you. We are all here for you though ❤