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onlyforever1

Member
Oct 27, 2024
6
Today was basically the clue by four that will probably actually get me to see that things are only going to get worse from here on out and I need to ctb.

It frustrates me that we can't have open and honest discussion with the people we love about the end of our life. My body and brain are deteriorating just like someone with terminal cancer, I should be able to access the same kind of support. It's clear to everyone involved that my brain is slowly dying, that I'm deteriorating right before their eyes. But they all pretend like I can somehow dig my way out of it, like it's my fault that I'm not trying hard enough.
 
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Waterfall500

Waterfall500

Member
Dec 17, 2023
8
I dont really now what to say but I want you to know im thinking about you
 
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dust-in-the-wind

dust-in-the-wind

Animal Lover
Aug 24, 2024
115
If you are talking about suffering from major depressive disorder I can totally relate. I have severely deteriorated this past year and no one can understand it and thinks I will get better, but I won't and want to die. Whenever I mention my death to friends or family they freak out.
 
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Waterfall500

Waterfall500

Member
Dec 17, 2023
8
I dont really now what to say but I want you to know im thinking about you
Also Its only a small thing to add but i completely relate to what you said about people expecting you to get out of your own depression or sad thoughts. I wish I had an answer to even try explain the situation im in to them but I have no idea how
 
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onlyforever1

Member
Oct 27, 2024
6
If you are talking about suffering from major depressive disorder I can totally relate. I have severely deteriorated this past year and no one can understand it and thinks I will get better, but I won't and want to die. Whenever I mention my death to friends or family they freak out.

I have generalized anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder, OCD and ADHD. it is a fucking miracle I have made it to the age of 33 and I wish people would be congratulating me on that instead of trying to throw darts at the wall to see if they'll fix me.
 
dust-in-the-wind

dust-in-the-wind

Animal Lover
Aug 24, 2024
115
I dont really now what to say but I want you to know im thinking about you

I have generalized anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder, OCD and ADHD. it is a fucking miracle I have made it to the age of 33 and I wish people would be congratulating me on that instead of trying to throw darts at the wall to see if they'll fix me.
I'm so sorry. Normal brains can't comprehend mental illness and the internal torment we suffer from. I'm 55 years old and can't believe I made it this far but I am ready to go.
 
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onlyforever1

Member
Oct 27, 2024
6
I'm so sorry. Normal brains can't comprehend mental illness and the internal torment we suffer from. I'm 55 years old and can't believe I made it this far but I am ready to go.
Even my therapist has basically given up, all of our sessions basically consist of her saying she can't help me if I don't want to do the work or trying to recommend me to get ketamine therapy. It's so frustrating, I don't want to die but I want to talk about it, I want that to be an option I can rationally discuss.
 
dust-in-the-wind

dust-in-the-wind

Animal Lover
Aug 24, 2024
115
Even my therapist has basically given up, all of our sessions basically consist of her saying she can't help me if I don't want to do the work or trying to recommend me to get ketamine therapy. It's so frustrating, I don't want to die but I want to talk about it, I want that to be an option I can rationally discuss.
People with normal brain chemistry want to stay alive at all costs, so they can't understand why you would want to die. Talking about death is very uncomfortable to most. That's why I like coming on this website.

I feel if your brain wiring is that messed up, no amount of therapy will help. Also, I've done oral ketamine and it didn't help. I also have done ECT and that didn't help either.
 
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