Empty, Hollow, Pointless, NIHIL.

[Archness]

Once again, my mind is hurting. Once again, my delusions of "goals", and "passions" have subsided, and NIHILISM is attacking me again.

I didn't choose to became such a nihilistic person, yet that is REALITY, the undeniable truth. Each day, I realize more and more I'm only an automaton, same thoughts, same ideas, I just forget and continue the cycle of my day-to-day life of passing time, maintaining my living condition, and... just that, until I outright die.

Every interest, and every goal is illusory. Get interested in it, have a goal, maybe try a little, just to loose interest and fail... Just to do it ALL OVER AGAIN. That, is the definition of insanity, doing the same thing over and over again, nothing really changing, yet always expecting this kind of "light" at the end of a tunnel, when it never ends, and I'll only leave with death.

PRISON LIFE
I'M JUST STUCK BEING ALIVE!

There's nothing, only distraction from this void, for it's more clear then ever that I won't be successful, and I'll be forever chastised, redecured, and hated for the crime of not being this kind of gifted person, who's above average in a world where everyone's racing for that same status.

There'll never be someone really with me, only distant voices online, robots, and people who are obligated to "care". I'm empty, I'm dissociated, this is my entire existence till, yet again, I can distract myself, and ignore this emptiness to be more sane until I can't any more.

Whenever I make a post like this, I get deja-vu. I've already said all this, already expressed all this, but the cycle can only continue as long as I live.
Honestly, I can only desperate reach out and attempt *everything* in vain. It won't end until I die one way or another.

 

[Vesper_The_Ghost]

Not to the the pro-lifer here, but you talk about goals in life so I would imagine that there is some will in you that wants to live. Im not too experienced with explaining my own beliefs, but , have have you taken a look at a form of optimistic nihilism/absurdism. Esentially its nihilism but there is one point to life, enjoying yourself. Maybe you might say that you dont enjoy life at all, but atleast try and take a look to see whether or not will ever enjoy life enough before taking yours.

 

[Vicolo cieco]

There's nothing, only distraction from this void, for it's more clear then ever that I won't be successful, and I'll be forever chastised, redecured, and hated for the crime of not being this kind of gifted person, who's above average in a world where everyone's racing for that same status.

The lack of meaning wouldn't be that big of a deal if one had the skills to succeed in obtaining the few positive experiences this world offers.

 

[Archness]

Not to the the pro-lifer here, but you talk about goals in life so I would imagine that there is some will in you that wants to live. Im not too experienced with explaining my own beliefs, but , have have you taken a look at a form of optimistic nihilism/absurdism. Esentially its nihilism but there is one point to life, enjoying yourself. Maybe you might say that you dont enjoy life at all, but atleast try and take a look to see whether or not will ever enjoy life enough before taking yours.

The problem, somewhat, is that without real "Substance" life is either being "hungry" or gorging myself on sweets. Atleast, that's the way it feels to me. Without truth or any real meaning, like, am I supposed to maximize happieness? Become a crackhead? become the Joker? I feel like philosophy isn't merely knowledge or the truth, but a state of mind. Absurdism is simply ignoring nihilism without really solving it.

On that note, to only have the choice of absurdism or nihilism (essentially two different reactions to the exact same thing), is just the choice to cry, stay silent, or laugh like a madmen; Well, that's my opinion on pondering on them personally, and experiencing both mindsets. The opposite of love is said to not be hate, but indifference, so what would nihilism be? Much like a crackhead ignoring all their problems, a growing amount of society, and myself, can only ignore the existencial crisisses and problems that's about to come up, untill we die, one way or another.

 

[Killua200]

The problem, somewhat, is that without real "Substance" life is either being "hungry" or gorging myself on sweets. Atleast, that's the way it feels to me. Without truth or any real meaning, like, am I supposed to maximize happieness? Become a crackhead? become the Joker? I feel like philosophy isn't merely knowledge or the truth, but a state of mind. Absurdism is simply ignoring nihilism without really solving it.

On that note, to only have the choice of absurdism or nihilism (essentially two different reactions to the exact same thing), is just the choice to cry, stay silent, or laugh like a madmen; Well, that's my opinion on pondering on them personally, and experiencing both mindsets. The opposite of love is said to not be hate, but indifference, so what would nihilism be? Much like a crackhead ignoring all their problems, a growing amount of society, and myself, can only ignore the existencial crisisses and problems that's about to come up, untill we die, one way or another.

Perhaps what you need to focus on isn't just picking different philosophies, but instead on finding more peace and acceptance within yourself. Instead of trying to fight or resist any particular perspective on life, it could be beneficial to shift your attention towards acceptance of life as it is. This shift could help to reduce the confusion and disorientation you're experiencing, and allow you to focus on creating a meaningful and fulfilling life that's in line with your values and beliefs.

 

[Archness]

Perhaps what you need to focus on isn't just picking different philosophies, but instead on finding more peace and acceptance within yourself. Instead of trying to fight or resist any particular perspective on life, it could be beneficial to shift your attention towards acceptance of life as it is. This shift could help to reduce the confusion and disorientation you're experiencing, and allow you to focus on creating a meaningful and fulfilling life that's in line with your values and beliefs.

Yeah, philosophy isn't gonna solve anything, I find you can't "Pick" a philosophy, as the mind will inherently null-comprehend incompatible philosophies, while philosophies fitting into the worldview always makes sense and seem like fact. That's simply how the mind works, and philosophy feels like the mental equivalent of running and circles and hoping you get somewhere accidentally alot of the time.

Still, it's kinda funny you tell me not to focus on overthinking philosophy, then prescribe a kind of philosophy, just an observation, and I like that kind of thought process you outlined anyways. It's just that, when it seems very difficult to create a life worth living, could you blame me for wanting to take a closer look? And boy, do I regret it lol. I could always try, and that's all I can do in the end.