Venting embarrassment of failed CTB attempts.

[letmyheartcollapse]

whenever i look back at my failed CTB attempts it's embarrassing to remember the details and how I failed them. For some reason it makes me feel more stupider like I can't do anything right even when it comes to the thing I've wanted the most I can't do it right.

 

[girlsboysthems]

i think how dumb and naive i was and how stupid i must have been to really believe it would be enough to end me. lol. sad really...

 

[Forveleth]

I don't necessarily feel bad about some attempts as they were honest attempts that I did genuinely research (at least a bit) and thought would work. Unfortunately, killing yourself is difficult. Had a failed attempt yesterday and don't feel dumb at all. Just annoyed that I had to cancel a bunch of scheduled messages and now I actually have to deal with my overgrown yard.

I DO feel stupid over my first attempt when I was 15 where I tried to cut my wrists with my fingernails. WTF was I thinking?

 

[ferrie]

I don't think anyone should feel dumb about making mistakes when they're desperate. I've had my fair share of failed attempts and while yes they could have been better thought out, I was acting within my situation. Ctb is a very high pressure topic. Try your best to take a breath and acknowledge that beating yourself up about past attempts isn't going to help you move forward in any manner

 

[FuneralCry]

Suicide really isn't straightforward after all, in fact to me it's the exact opposite, I find it so incredibly cruel how people cannot just have the option to die in an guaranteed, painless way and have to struggle so much to leave this existence instead, I'm sorry that you had to go through that. But anyway best wishes.

 

[Felodese]

It's a lot harder to ctb than people think. Not only do you have to get over SI, but you also have to find a method that will acctually work, and manage to not mess it up in any way.
Personally I was kind of embarrassed when I failed - but mostly just disheartened for having failed yet another thing.
My latest "attempt" was stopped before it even began, cause someone I care about saw that something was up and kept me from going. Now I can't help but think that if I just hadn't gone to that particular place and hadn't met him there, then it could all have been over now. Not that I place any blame on him - I just feel dumb for going somewhere where I ougth to have known I'd might run into him.

 

[lost_ange1]

I feel you on that. It's just indescribable how bad you can feel about a failed attempt. Sometimes I feel disgusted about that and then I saw someone I knew (irl) succeed and after a bit wondered why I wasn't the one to succeed back then. I think each failed attempt can give you another bad spiral of thoughts and regret.