Venting embarrassed of my body after death

[bpd_boy]

I want to be free, i really do but a part of me is embarrassed at the thought of my body being found
i have such low self esteem and im so embarrassed at my own body that the thought of someone finding it scares me more than the dying part
i know it wont matter after im gone anyway but i just really hate my body and i dont want people to see it at all. i dont want a funeral where no one will show up but those who are probably forced to go will gawk at my ugly body
i was really hoping to get that top surgery so i could exercise more and finally try to love my figure but insurance just didnt give a fuck i guess.
idk if this is rambling or stupid but its been eating at me these last few months since i feel like im getting closer to the bus
i just dont want to make other people look at me

 

[I'm exhausted]

Hi. I feel your pain. This is why I thought about getting eaten up by an animal, though I'd feel bad about it, especially if I went by poison. So I thought maybe I can just put weights on me and drown myself deep under the water and just sleep there.

 

[requiescat]

Hey.

Nobody will do that to a dead body, never seen it in my life. Most people will be sorrow to the dead, not happy. I hope you can gain the strength to overcome this fear. Can't help much but tell you nobody will care what you look like, who you were, why you were, the only thing at your funeral will be sorrow.

But jumping in a place with a stream could make it hard for the body to be found, as it'll likely float away. Make sure its deep enough and you're jumping far enough.

 

[bpd_boy]

Hi. I feel your pain. This is why I thought about getting eaten up by an animal, though I'd feel bad about it, especially if I went by poison. So I thought maybe I can just put weights on me and drown myself deep under the water and just sleep there.

i would love for my body to be eaten by nature, maybe by then before, if i ever am, found, my body wont resemble what i am right now. Preferably bones.
but the sad thing is is that i dont live near nature, i dont live near a large enough area to vanish into. And being the disabled poor loser i am, i probably never will be able to fulfill that wish

drowning sounds scary tho! so youre stronger than me on that lol

 

[I'm exhausted]

i would love for my body to be eaten by nature, maybe by then before, if i ever am, found, my body wont resemble what i am right now. Preferably bones.
but the sad thing is is that i dont live near nature, i dont live near a large enough area to vanish into. And being the disabled poor loser i am, i probably never will be able to fulfill that wish

drowning sounds scary tho! so youre stronger than me on that lol

I'm sorry it's hard. I wanted to be buried as a tree that would grow fruits for the forest or any animals for that matter. Be part of the nature like snow white. Bring surrounded by beautiful forest creatures. But I do have two cats to worry about that I would want to be with after I die.

As for the drowning, I wouldn't go alive. My thought was to be on those inflatable boats, take meds or whatever means to kill myself, put weights on my legs, and puncture a small hole as I start to dose off. So then whether I'm dead or asleep I would be pulled down eventually and never wake up. I saw this as a trick used on detective Conan lol

 

[wCvML2]

That's why I've been pushing and postponing ctb too, I don't have any big nature resorts in my country to get lost in and never have the body found so I thought of saving for a trip abroad - I'm contemplating different methods. edit: the problem with hypothermia method is that the body might be frozen and never decompose and then get retrieved even months after the fact, so it's a bad method for never being found, never mind. I honestly don't know how it can be done

 

[Bannana]

im kind of the opposite, I want my body to feel all the pain and let it be known that it is wrong and hated and ugly and doesn't deserve to live yk

 

[lachrymost]

I feel the same way, especially because of my medical trauma. The idea of being autopsied is repulsive. I want an assisted death and then straight to the crematorium. If only.

 

[UmbraDweller]

I feel you, can relate to this a lot. For me though, it's not only the embarrassment of other people seeing my body, but also the thought of them digging into it during autopsy or other life forms snacking on it. Because I hate being part of this place by any means and I don't want to contribute to life even by letting the worms in the groud to feed on my corpse.
I've been dreaming of building a contraption that would throw my body into barrel of acid after I overdose or something, to leave zero remains somehow. Wish I could at least ensure cremation, but that's not my decision.

 

[thenamingofcats]

If you can't travel there's the option to ctb in a full bathtub. If you're not found for days or a couple weeks you'll bloat and your body won't resemble your body anymore. Actually, it will be horrendous which is kind of a defense after death.

I relate to your post. I've had medical abuse like someone else above said too, and have spent my life trying to avoid being naked on the table. The fact that it will be the last thing that happens to my body is unbearable.

 

[Jorms_McGander]

Within 24 hours in a warm temperature [100F] and high humidity you will be unrecognisable. Your gut microbes will begin to change the colour of your skin to green by converting hemoglobin to methemoglobin around an hour. If you use a ligature your face will be altered through soft tissue expansion.

I'm so sorry you feel this way. People are not going to be gawking, they are not going to be thinking about what you look like as a dead person. They will be remembering who you were as a living person during their grief