Venting Eating Disorders are hell

[deletedaccount30982]

This is agony. I sobbed for an hour last night over a piece of cake I wanted yet didn't want at the same time that I ended up purging later. I woke up still feeling the anxiety of it and had another break down today for nearly an hour over it. I can't even drink water because that's not safe. I hate myself. I hate my body. I hate that I can't think about anything but food. I just want to die. I don't want to be in this head anymore. Fuck. I'm so tired.

 

[TheVanishingPoint]

I'm not here to fix you.
I would never dare.
You are not something broken — you're someone carrying a pain that would have already crushed so many others.
And yet you're here. You're writing it. You're speaking it. That alone is an immense act of courage.

This isn't a story about a piece of cake.
It's the story of a body turned battlefield.
The story of a mind where hunger becomes punishment, and fullness becomes guilt.
The story of water that doesn't quench thirst, but terrifies.
And those who haven't lived through this can't begin to grasp its violence.

I won't tell you to hold on. I won't say it gets better.
But I will say this: I see what you're going through.
And just putting it into words — in this raw and honest form — means you're still here, against all odds.

You don't have to be strong.
You don't have to "heal."
You don't have to prove anything to anyone.

You deserve a space in this world that doesn't require you to be okay in order to welcome you.
And if these words can be that space, even for a moment, then hold onto them.

You are not wrong.
And you are not alone.

 

[GeminiButter]

Oh friend, I'm so sorry. I have been there, and I know how horrific and lonely it is. I don't want to give any advice or tips if they're not welcome/wanted, but am very happy to if they are. Sending you lots of love

 

[theboy]

I hear you

The movie "To The Bones" talks about it

 

[deletedaccount30982]

I can feel all the fat on my body. Just sitting there I'm constantly aware of it. I am disgusted by it. Pinch it, poke it, squeeze it, punch it. Every time I eat I hate myself for it. It doesn't matter if I'm restricting, I still disgust myself. I deserve to die. I'm 30lbs heavier than my lowest weight. 30lbs in less than a year. How pathetic. I'm a failure. A weak, fat sack of shit. Ill never look as good as I did at my lowest weight if Im this much of a failure. I need to fucking die.

 

[istherehope]

I can feel all the fat on my body. Just sitting there I'm constantly aware of it. I am disgusted by it. Pinch it, poke it, squeeze it, punch it. Every time I eat I hate myself for it. It doesn't matter if I'm restricting, I still disgust myself. I deserve to die. I'm 30lbs heavier than my lowest weight. 30lbs in less than a year. How pathetic. I'm a failure. A weak, fat sack of shit. Ill never look as good as I did at my lowest weight if Im this much of a failure. I need to fucking die.

You're not a failure and you are not disgusting.
Sending you lots of love and light for the next days