Dying is what feels right

[FuneralCry]

Dying is all that could ever feel right for me, there could never be anything here for me in this life at all. What I want is to forget about this life, and be forgotten about, to just rest, to be nothing. The only positive thing about existing is that it ends. Living always feels so wrong, so empty and pointless. In non existence, nothing can ever hurt me and I see death as being true peace. For me, peace is something that could never be achieved in life, I never feel calm or relaxed, as long as I am alive, I will suffer.

Life is objectively horrifying and to me it is cruel to try and force people to live. Doing this is stopping people being free from everything, and it is just prolonging their pain. Life is so meaningless after all and all humans will die eventually. My existence is also so insignificant, there could never be a reason to live it. Humans suffer and struggle for decades for no purpose and I personally see no point to being here. It frustrates me that I am still alive, still existing for the sake of it, while instead I could be free from it all, in the nothingness where I belong. All humans are destined to be nothing anyway.

I do not want to exist in such a cruel and dreadful world where horrifying things happen. I have never wanted to live at all, and even at a young age the thought of dying has comforted me. Everything that is wrong with my life will be gone when I am dead and all my problems will die with me. At least one day, I will be gone.

 

[Well-Edited Chaos]

I"m sorry you're in so much pain. I wish I had more to offer than those empty words.

 

[September5th]

Yeah, fuck being alive. Such a waste of time. Being happy is a mere illusion, as some months later you'll always be in a shit hole again.
I would rather burn myself than having to live one more second in this absolute wasteland.

 

[Niente]

There was a time I would have argued with you and begged you to find support and solace in those around you, but that time has gone, and I can clearly hear your words and feel your pain. Let us hope that death brings the nothingness we seek.

 

[ornitier199]

Being happy is a mere illusion, as some months later you'll always be in a shit hole again.

I attest.

 

[emptyjokes]

I'm sorry that you've been stuck in this predicament. It really sounds like you have a philosophy that you understand thoroughly. I have a lot of appreciation for the fact that you're seen all over this website acting as a voice of empathy and comfort. I really do hope that you find what you're looking for - peace and quiet, a space where suffering cannot happen. Bliss. I'm sure there are countless ways to describe where you'll end up - your personal heaven (may it manifest however you wish). I am rooting for you to make it to your destination, wherever that is, and however you must get there. I am sure that I'm not alone in this.

You deserve peace and tranquility.

 

[Niente]

Yeah, fuck being alive. Such a waste of time. Being happy is a mere illusion, as some months later you'll always be in a shit hole again.
I would rather burn myself than having to live one more second in this absolute wasteland.

I don't believe happiness is an illusion as I have felt happiness and joy so deep it is forever in my heart, but just as happiness and love can fill a place in your soul so can grief and despair. I believe in happiness and love and forgiveness, I have to, but I also know that life is cruel and hard and unforgiving. I guess it's a balancing act. How much pain can one take before moments of happiness can no longer be trusted?

 

[yıη]

In response to FuneralCry:

Dying is all that could ever feel right for me, there could never be anything here for me in this life at all. What I want is to forget about this life, and be forgotten about, to just rest, to be nothing. The only positive thing about existing is that it ends. Living always feels so wrong, so empty and pointless. In non existence, nothing can ever hurt me and I see death as being true peace. For me, peace is something that could never be achieved in life, I never feel calm or relaxed, as long as I am alive, I will suffer.

To truly find peace; the thought seems laughable to me. How it vexes me to continue on, feigning normality. One wishes for their sentience to be erased, yet how easy it is to find oneself surrounded by those who would stop at nothing to keep one from such a goal. That is, if one has not pushed away the few that had the desire to stay. You speak of the "pointless[ness]" of life; how torturous I find it to be taunted by earthly feelings. Have they not been reduced to but a reminder, that here in this moment, I have not escaped? I feel like a garçon. These predictable responses to set, inescapable, stimuli. It seems one cannot escape them all. I find it to be just as you depicted, "as long as I am alive, I will suffer." How senseless, the 'blind' would find this.

Life is objectively horrifying and to me it is cruel to try and force people to live. Doing this is stopping people being free from everything, and it is just prolonging their pain. Life is so meaningless after all and all humans will die eventually. My existence is also so insignificant, there could never be a reason to live it. Humans suffer and struggle for decades for no purpose and I personally see no point to being here. It frustrates me that I am still alive, still existing for the sake of it, while instead I could be free from it all, in the nothingness where I belong. All humans are destined to be nothing anyway.

I have seen that a lot of the things that people do in the name of 'helping' usually make me regard my surroundings, the world included, as a prison. Sentience in itself, has begun to feel like a prison. The moment I tell someone I want to die, I am seen in a different light. I am infantilized because my views are different. Some will say, "how could they have not told me?" This is needless to ask, as some will not see it. And it is painfully obvious when this is the case. I wanted my death to feel like a logical choice, not an impulsive escape. My surroundings make this goal difficult. I have begun to regard this 'lovely' place as hell, though I hope I am not to be proven wrong.

I see a sense of living in 'limbo,' in that which you depict. To me, it is akin to being forced to play a video game that you do not enjoy, indefinitely. It seems as if I am continuing on both in hope and in fear that the 'joke' will soon be revealed. It is all and well if you can enjoy this place, but individual humans are different. With difference comes different perceptions of reality. I see happiness as ignorance; I do not wish to live in a bubble. Nor do I wish to reconstruct my thinking so that I can become ignorant again. Sentience itself has become tainted so much so that any beauty that lies beneath the tarnish will never be acknowledged again. This is a condition that I have set, and anyone who wishes to plea for a change of heart lacks the knowledge of what a 'condition' is. To nothingness I will return.

I do not want to exist in such a cruel and dreadful world where horrifying things happen. I have never wanted to live at all, and even at a young age the thought of dying has comforted me. Everything that is wrong with my life will be gone when I am dead and all my problems will die with me. At least one day, I will be gone.

I cannot help but laugh at the irony of this world. Yes, my infatuation with death began at a young age as well. It started out as thoughts akin to, "I will kill myself before I lose my youth." But as both media and indoctrination gave me a fantasized vision of the world, I seemed to be able to believe I could hold out to the end of my youth; this is not the case. I will die with a smile on my face, though in comparison to the torrent of tears to be shed over my death, it will be sickening. Sickening to them. I have portrayed myself as whatever I needed to portray myself as to get by. There is no joy left here for me. Unless it is a forced state of being brought about by predictable stimuli resulting in a dopamine high. I have seen this before; it is ignorance.

 

[takemenowpls]

Sounds like you are having a rough day. It's not often I see posts like this from you so I know you must be hurting. I wish I could help you my friend. Just know you are in my thoughts.