KikoKiki
Rismycarrotfriend
- Nov 12, 2023
- 18
Yesterday my family confronted me about doing drugs. I told them I started smoking weed which they had already assumed and said it was due to me sleeping so much. They asked me for how long I've been doing this and I said a week although it's been months. Today I'm getting drug tested at a doctor's appointment and over the past few months I've consumed Ritalin, mushrooms, nicotine, weed, and alcohol. I'm thinking of running away, staying, being put into foster care, going into psychiatric care, or killing myself. I honestly need advice and help. I've considered running away heavily due to the fact that I feel as if I've had no freedom my entire life until a few months ago when I started to do drugs and was allowed to go out more. The people taking care of me are extremely controlling and overbearing, I have no privacy and no freedom whatsoever. Through the very limited amount of privacy I have online I present myself as a very different person and am more open of who I am. Somehow I convinced my family to allow me to go out more instead of staying at home so much, this worked, I started to hangout with my friends and one of them introduced me to weed and nicotine. I had always been interested in smoking weed and especially during this time I considered it because I had been trying to stop cutting myself and considered it harm reduction as I didn't plan to let it last for very long. Over time we both started to consume drugs with each other and considering my friend was very knowledgeable and had a lot of experience with drugs they always watched over me and warned me for things whenever I did drugs not allowing me to go overboard and do too much. This friend has always been here for me and feels more like family than the people who are actually my family considering that we are both young, have similar experiences, and are intelligent, and have mental problems. This person knows about my three suicide attempts two of which happened this year that my family does not know about, my 3+ year undiagnosed eating disorder and body issues which my family does not know about, and my 3+ year ex relationship with my groomer who I am no longer with. (For context my groomer was 16 and I was 12 when we met and started to date online/long distance) which my family does not know about among other things. I'm leaving this uncompleted for now because writing this is causing me extreme distress and I havent even gotten to the important parts.
