Drugs ruined my life at 19, I wish I was dead

[wasteofspace22]

I'm a mentally I'll drug addict. Bipolar,adhd, autism, ocd. My life is ruined. I did meth at 17. I got one life, one chance on this god forsaken earth. And I blew it just like that. There are no second chances. I blew it. I can't live with this reality knowing how bad I fucked up. I dream of not existing but more so things being different. A reality where I can experience the other side of life, love, friendships, a sense of belonging. But my destiny is not for that stuff. Looking back I want to cry thinking of myself as a happy child with so much love and zest for life. I'm a shell of a human at 19 already. I don't know what to do, I have a hard time actually bringing myself to commit suicide

 

[freedompass]

So…do you think taking meth triggered all the mental health problems or were they preexisting?I totally hear you on the happy child thing except I feel that about my son who's now 26.

All I can tell you is this. I had a very hard time with bipolar and psychosis when first diagnosed but over the decades I learned to manage it better. Now I actually feel pretty happy and stable. Admittedly not to the degree where I really want to be here…but certainly comfy, mostly content and stress free. Only a few years ago I could not have imagined how well I'm doing. We just don't know what the future holds.

 

[wasteofspace22]

So…do you think taking meth triggered all the mental health problems or were they preexisting?I totally hear you on the happy child thing except I feel that about my son who's now 26.

All I can tell you is this. I had a very hard time with bipolar and psychosis when first diagnosed but over the decades I learned to manage it better. Now I actually feel pretty happy and stable. Admittedly not to the degree where I really want to be here…but certainly comfy, mostly content and stress free. Only a few years ago I could not have imagined how well I'm doing. We just don't know what the future holds.

I really maybe am attention seeking man. I made this post so people could give me reasons or hope not to commit suicide, but today is just one of those days I feel nothing can remedy me

 

[Hollowman]

I fucked myself up with drugs in my teens as well. I didn't think I could live with it. That was over thirty years ago. It mostly hasn't been worth it I probably should've ctb back then. Your outcome could be good you never know.

 

[eldiablo666]

I'm a mentally I'll drug addict. Bipolar,adhd, autism, ocd. My life is ruined. I did meth at 17. I got one life, one chance on this god forsaken earth. And I blew it just like that. There are no second chances. I blew it. I can't live with this reality knowing how bad I fucked up. I dream of not existing but more so things being different. A reality where I can experience the other side of life, love, friendships, a sense of belonging. But my destiny is not for that stuff. Looking back I want to cry thinking of myself as a happy child with so much love and zest for life. I'm a shell of a human at 19 already. I don't know what to do, I have a hard time actually bringing myself to commit suicide

I'm sorry to burst your bubble but I don't think we only have one chance of life .

Drugs ruined my life too.

It's amazing how little info I was given about drugs at young age.

If I was given the slightest bit info I wouldn't have failed this hard

 

[wasteofspace22]

I'm sorry to burst your bubble but I don't think we only have one chance of life .

Drugs ruined my life too.

It's amazing how little info I was given about drugs at young age.

If I was given the slightest bit info I wouldn't have failed this hard

Why do you think we don't only have one chance at life? We can't go back and undo the damage we've done man.

 

[makethepainstop]

I'm a mentally I'll drug addict. Bipolar,adhd, autism, ocd. My life is ruined. I did meth at 17. I got one life, one chance on this god forsaken earth. And I blew it just like that. There are no second chances. I blew it. I can't live with this reality knowing how bad I fucked up. I dream of not existing but more so things being different. A reality where I can experience the other side of life, love, friendships, a sense of belonging. But my destiny is not for that stuff. Looking back I want to cry thinking of myself as a happy child with so much love and zest for life. I'm a shell of a human at 19 already. I don't know what to do, I have a hard time actually bringing myself to commit suicide

That's only a small part of your lifetime. You still have time to recover and begin a new phase of your existence.

 

[FuneralCry]

Living can be very painful as we have to deal with the consequences of our actions and we cannot go back in time and change things. I do believe that as humans get older the amount of problems and suffering do increase which is why the thought of non existence appeals to me so much. It certainly is a very cruel existence.
I wish you the best.

 

[Niirvana]

I also have problems with drugs, added to depression and anxiety, I know that my destiny is ctb, I have no solution

 

[Aeathelina]

You are so young. I can relate because my falling into the bottle started when I was eighteen years old. My family never saw it as a problem and would even buy it for me because they did not want to accept that I was just so unhappy nor accept that they ruined my life. I am 27 now and it is so hard to stop and turn a new leaf because there is just barely anything out there unless you get 5150 or have money to spend in a facility at works.
I am so sorry that you are in pain. I hope one day you find that peace...wherever it may be.

 

[Hollowillow]

I'm a mentally I'll drug addict. Bipolar,adhd, autism, ocd. My life is ruined. I did meth at 17. I got one life, one chance on this god forsaken earth. And I blew it just like that. There are no second chances. I blew it. I can't live with this reality knowing how bad I fucked up. I dream of not existing but more so things being different. A reality where I can experience the other side of life, love, friendships, a sense of belonging. But my destiny is not for that stuff. Looking back I want to cry thinking of myself as a happy child with so much love and zest for life. I'm a shell of a human at 19 already. I don't know what to do, I have a hard time actually bringing myself to commit suicide

Those are some very cruel labels given to you by psychiatrist psychopaths. I think you took drugs to cope with abuse & would have been suicidal sooner without them.

Bipolar.
I have reactive hypoglycemia. If I eat sugar & grains... I get a manic high then a depressed low. Stuff high in vitamin c (greens) and b (meat) helped stabilize my brain fuel... It obviously affect brain functions & emotions. But psychiatry doesn't even know that lack of vitamin b causes psychosis. Toxic psychiatric drugs do too! Bipolar can be caused if you try too hard anove your limit too, you burn out & crash.

adhd
You can't pay attention in class if you are sleep deprived, lack the b & c to function. Without rest, fuel, oxygen (lack of b cause anemia, a lack of red blood cells to carry oxygen) you get tired, can't think... B vitamins renew nerves. The hyperactivity is because we feed basically pure sugar & caffeine to kids. Zero nutrition in pricessed poison. Fucking crime. And we blame & drug them too!? Butchers. Humanity deserve death.


autism
Brain damage. Can be caused by a lack of b vitamins to renew nerves . Or toxins. Like injecting viruses & brain damaging metals in babies. Sick demented fucks.

ocd.
Coping mechanism. If your brain doesn't gave enough fuel & oxygen to power the rational & emotional brains... They will shut down. Mostly only your primal brain will be left. It specializes in repetitive tasks like walking & breathing so you'll end up stuck doing actions in a loop. It's a way to cope with trauma, I obsess until I find a solution to save myself if it happens again.

There you go. Society starved you, poisonned you, exhausted you... Blamed you... Made you believe drugs are the only hope for relief. They lied to you.

Your entire body renew itself every 6 years. You'll literally be a new you. The materials you'll eat will change your body's shape & functions.

You're not doomed, I got hit by a car & healed stutters and walking problems, seeing double... I still have issues when exhausted... But it improved with nutrition.

If you want to get the hell out of this sadistic slave society... Go ahead.

But stop being ashamed for the abuse that others did to you. You were a kid. They failed to protect you.

I stupidly put poison on everything I own and everywhere in my home. A cheap housing, fought fir it 4 years... I have no where to go. My skin peels to blood from the acid... Eyes burns .. inside too... Agony all over.

You didn't ruin everything. You didn't fail a full hanging into being fully paralyzed & mute... You can still kick jerks.

Rest. Eat. Rest. Focus on healing. You can search for methods here.

Everyone fucks up that's how we learn. I draw the line at raping kids and drinking baby blood...

*Pats your head* you're a good kid. Just stop the drugs and do srlf care of your needs with compassion. No need to deserve it. Life is unfair, it can be unfair in our favor.

 

[Cosmic Joke]

I'm a mentally I'll drug addict. Bipolar,adhd, autism, ocd. My life is ruined. I did meth at 17. I got one life, one chance on this god forsaken earth. And I blew it just like that. There are no second chances. I blew it. I can't live with this reality knowing how bad I fucked up. I dream of not existing but more so things being different. A reality where I can experience the other side of life, love, friendships, a sense of belonging. But my destiny is not for that stuff. Looking back I want to cry thinking of myself as a happy child with so much love and zest for life. I'm a shell of a human at 19 already. I don't know what to do, I have a hard time actually bringing myself to commit suicide

Hi. I just turned 50 this year. I ran away at 15 from a home where I had been beaten and sexually abused almost every single day until I ran away at 15. By 16 I was an alcoholic, but almost 18 I was a full blown addict. I have bipolar depression, add,anxiety, paranoia, and cptsd. When I first tried drugs I was instantly hooked, there was no more pain at all, NONE. I felt happy, confident, smart and loved. That one time led to 22 years of hard-core daily addiction. I was a alcoholic and a polysubstance abuser, I did anything and everything to get high, to stay high and to not feel. I wasted my entire youth on hiding from my trauma. 11 years ago I entered the mat program after many failed attempts and suicide and rehab. It took me 9 years of intensive therapy after a 3mth hospital/rehab stay. Finally the last two years I have been living life sober. I can't say I am happy, but I'm doing the things. You are so young, therapy and mat saved my life. It is NEVER too late, unless you want it to be. You are not beyond help, if I can get out, I believe anyone can. But please don't think you screwed up your life forever, you have not, you are still here. The time flies by so fast, it feels like yesterday I was a 20 something, now I'm nearly 51 with a lifetime of regrets. I battle Suicidal ideation every day bc of it. If there is anything in you that wants to live, PLEASE SEEK HELP. I have used the suicide text line many times and helped me so much. Text number 741741 then put HOME in message area. A professional will message you back really fast. Hang in there.

 

[Hollowillow]

Hi. I just turned 50 this year. I ran away at 15 from a home where I had been beaten and sexually abused almost every single day until I ran away at 15. By 16 I was an alcoholic, but almost 18 I was a full blown addict. I have bipolar depression, add,anxiety, paranoia, and cptsd. When I first tried drugs I was instantly hooked, there was no more pain at all, NONE. I felt happy, confident, smart and loved. That one time led to 22 years of hard-core daily addiction. I was a alcoholic and a polysubstance abuser, I did anything and everything to get high, to stay high and to not feel. I wasted my entire youth on hiding from my trauma. 11 years ago I entered the mat program after many failed attempts and suicide and rehab. It took me 9 years of intensive therapy after a 3mth hospital/rehab stay. Finally the last two years I have been living life sober. I can't say I am happy, but I'm doing the things. You are so young, therapy and mat saved my life. It is NEVER too late, unless you want it to be. You are not beyond help, if I can get out, I believe anyone can. But please don't think you screwed up your life forever, you have not, you are still here. The time flies by so fast, it feels like yesterday I was a 20 something, now I'm nearly 51 with a lifetime of regrets. I battle Suicidal ideation every day bc of it. If there is anything in you that wants to live, PLEASE SEEK HELP. I have used the suicide text line many times and helped me so much. Text number 741741 then put HOME in message area. A professional will message you back really fast. Hang in there.

You're a hero.

Saying hang in there in a suicide forum can have mixed meanings, hihi!

 

[Hollowillow]

@Hollowillow psychiatry knows about vitamins. We use them to manage acute alcohol withdrawal.

I'm very surprised. But they should with everything. They sent me in psychiatry instead to diagnose my hypoglycemia, which can seem to be psychiatric with depression, even psychosis... Hard core stuff happens when we lack fuel.

You're a psychiatrist? I hope you're not here to save us with drugs?

 

[Hollowman]

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@Hollowillow psychiatry knows about vitamins. We use them to manage acute alcohol withdrawal.

"We"? You're a psychiatrist?

 

[Hollowman]

I am not a psychiatrist but I work in mental healthcare

In what capacity if you don't mind me asking

 

[Superdeterminist]

How did drugs ruin your life? What ongoing consequences are you suffering?

 

[Hollowillow]

In what capacity if you don't mind me asking

I also crave to know... Maybe due to trauma in that deshumanizing industry?

 

[eldiablo666]

Why do you think we don't only have one chance at life? We can't go back and undo the damage we've done man.

Because I believe reincarnation is. Very real

 

[theboy]

Deep...

 

[grp35]

One drug ruined my life at 39. I just did one bad xtc pill. I want to suicide every day now. I'm in agony and cannot focus on anything else. If you have the ability to focus on something else, then your life is not lost. Mine is.

 

[eldiablo666]

One drug ruined my life at 39. I just did one bad xtc pill. I want to suicide every day now. I'm in agony and cannot focus on anything else. If you have the ability to focus on something else, then your life is not lost. Mine is.

What happened when you took it

 

[grp35]

What happened when you took it

I had a drug crash and never recovered. Have crippling anxiety and can no longer focus. Am losing everything. I am the saddest person on the planet and I deserved it for taking drugs.

 

[eldiablo666]

I had a drug crash and never recovered. Have crippling anxiety and can no longer focus. Am losing everything. I am the saddest person on the planet and I deserved it for taking drugs.

How long ago was it since you crashed? Recovery from that can take 5 years

 

[grp35]

How long ago was it since you crashed? Recovery from that can take 5 years

It was 6 months ago. No, I won't recover. I am on AD's now and am filled with regret and in 5 years I will have lost my job and my partner.

How long ago was it since you crashed? Recovery from that can take 5 years

How do you know that it can take 5 years?

 

[denix66]

---

Soy un mentalmente drogadicto. Bipolar, TDAH, autismo, TOC. Mi vida está arruinada. Tomé metanfetamina a los 17. Tengo una vida, una oportunidad en esta tierra abandonada por Dios. Y lo arruiné así. No hay segundas oportunidades. Yo lo sople. No puedo vivir con esta realidad sabiendo lo mal que la cagué. Sueño con no existir pero más que las cosas sean diferentes. Una realidad donde puedo experimentar el otro lado de la vida, el amor, las amistades, el sentido de pertenencia. Pero mi destino no es para esas cosas. Mirando hacia atrás quiero llorar pensando en mí como un niño feliz con tanto amor y entusiasmo por la vida. Soy un cascarón de humano a los 19 ya. No sé qué hacer, me cuesta mucho decidirme a suicidarme.

I don't know how right you are... I started taking drugs when I was 17….

I took stimulants every day to go up and benzo opiate barbiturates to go down (sleep)... I had problems with LE derived from consumption and I spent 4 years in prison for crimes of fraud, forgery, fraud... I was not there for any drugs... It's also true that I didn't like heroin... I was lucky...


At 43 due to a job change I gave up drugs completely for 21 years… now I have been consuming Meth snifada and Alprazolam for 3 years… clearly less intensely because in December I turn 67

I live in the extreme south of Europe…

When I registered in this forum, the high number of young people caught my attention. I think that in the US suicide is the leading cause of death in young people. In my country the first is traffic accidents and the second it's already ctb...


I have read many threads here... And I have come to understand that you want to leave this world and abandon suffering….. A large part of those registered here have had a terrible adolescence and I understand their desire….


But I'm going to say something that maybe you don't agree with… and it's that who really screwed you over…. Not everyone, but for most of you it has not been the adolescent experience….. They have been the Rain of Drugs…. With which the "pseudo science" Psychiatry has flooded you


If at the age of 17 I had been prescribed doses increasing them in two weeks to the maximum dose of Antidepressants and Antipsychotics….. I am completely sure I would not have gotten married or had two children nor had I lived through anything but suffering….

I do not mean to say that in very certain cases (schizophrenia, psychosis, very serious alterations in the perception of reality)...

They are justifying the use of a drug that the only thing they know is that it will slow down the brain… it doesn't matter IRIS or SHIT…. we know the functioning of the human body practically 100%....But science has no fucking idea about the brain.... Nobody or anything has discovered how it works... just a few small ideas of receptors... Transmitters... Zones... nothing really, not even 10%...... They only invent new diseases that they put into a boy at the first opportunity @... 40 mg of Olanzapine and 20 of excitalopram and off you go...


I was lucky that a psychiatrist never caught me in other times… but I'm sure that if it were today… they would have screwed me….


I have two children. The boy is 21 years old.

… Well, at 18 as a result of a disappointment in love and some drugs… he ended up in the emergency room and from there to the psychiatric unit of the hospital because he authorized it…. The next morning he asked to be discharged…

And he came out with a prescription for 10mg of Olanzapine the first week and 20 from the second... and Excitalopram the same 10 first and 20 later...


Of course we didn't even get the recipes... With some mild anxiolytic at bedtime for the first few days and… Until today there has been no other problem….


I just don't believe in psychiatrists... They break a lot more things than they fix...


And now you will wonder why I am in SS… I suppose that as a result of the wild intake of Amphetamines and other stimulants which attack the joints and bones a lot among other things… I have spent the last three years mainly the last year that the pain it is constant… walking becomes a torment.. Being upright, stronger pain in the hip.. Etc etc…. My life has completely changed and the constant pain changes also to the

person brutalizes and isolates her……

I sleep with 250mg of tramadol and 1.5 of Alprazolan that I get on my own….. The results of the lumbar MRI… it's scary to read that, I already have a solution….

The relationship with my wife since my retirement and the pain has literally gone to shit….

Well that's why... Because I am tired of so much pain and knowing that only pain and constant suffering await me in the few years that I may have left…. I already have 100Gr of pure pharmaceutical grade SN… Metoproclamide… Propanolol… benzos…. The only thing that holds me back is the idea of doing this to my children….. Although I know that sooner or later I will do it… the SN expires on May 24…….and I hope to get the fent. What do I need to make it easier…


A hug for everyone