Venting drug addiction sucks

[snowee]

I knew coke was addictive af but holy shit. I was struggling mentally before I tried it and I know it's making me feel even worse yet I can't stop. It's 4am and I just got more I literally cannot stop myself. I wish it wasn't so easy to get where i live. It doesn't help that i'm so impulsive and it only takes 10 minutes to be delivered to me. I wish someone would lock me up and delete all of my numbers. I really tried to get help. I told my doctor and was signed off work. The support wasn't enough. I ended up in hospital a few days ago and it made me realise that there's nothing anyone can do. I was left on a chair for hours crying and the nurses kept walking past me and staring at me. Not a single person asked if i was okay. No one gives a fuck. Rehab is too expensive and i'm really afraid of ruining my life even further. Idk what to do.

I beg anyone that struggles with depression and social anxiety not to try it. It helps short term but it's gotten to the point where I need it just to take care of myself. Without it i'm completely out of energy to get out of bed or socialise. I'm very much stuck in a loop.

I've done so much research and it seems cocaine addiction and undiagnosed ADHD go hand in hand. The problem is i can't get a diagnosis or therapy until i'm sober. I need help now I can't wait that long. I doubt i'll get sober and i can't bare living like this anymore. I've given up on professional help and I missed my doctor appointment on Friday. I'm guessing they will want to see me tomorrow and i'm gonna tell them I don't want their help anymore. I'm gonna be honest with them. This will be my final scream for help. I have a feeling they won't give a shit like always.

I just did my last line and I'm gonna be awake for fucking ages now…

Don't do drugz my lovelies :')

 

[black money boys]

i'd love to try coke one day

 

[snowee]

i'd love to try coke one day

Don't get me wrong it can be fun and useful in some situations. I'm not gonna tell you not to, Just be weary it's a slippery slope. I got addicted within a few months and it has ruined my life.

 

[crowwwz]

i know how painful and severe drug addiction can get, i have been sober over a year but every day i struggle not to find some way to relapse. if you have medical insurance, you don't necessarily need drug rehab, your insurance might cover some sort of psychiatric stay, whether that be somewhere to hold you for a few days so you can detox, or somewhere that will let you stay for months while you get sober and get your life together. that is, if you're looking for recovery options. i just had noticed you said no rehab, so i wanted to provide other options.

often times, withdrawal can sometimes be the worst part of getting clean, and being forced through withdrawals until it's over can give some people the courage to keep sobriety.

there are always options to recover, even if it doesn't seem that way. best of luck to you, in whatever road you decide to go down.

 

[gayboy300]

I hope everything works out for you <3

I've made a pretty concerted effort to stay away from coke for a multitude of reasons, including but not limited to addiction running in my family, me having been a xanax addict in high school, and just flat out not being able to afford a coke addiction. I ended up trying it for the first time on New Year's and holy hell I can say I made the right decision to stay away. It felt great… too great

I was jonesing for another bump all night long. I can only imagine how that feels when you have an actual connect :/

 

[Promised Heaven]

I'm lucky I never touched coke, I was hooked on weed after surviving a friendship breakup and I just stopped taking it and on my longest streak yet. If that robbed me of ny sense of purpose, I can't imagine what coke would do to me...

Also, I'm genuinely surprised people aren't willing to help until your sober?? I don't know where you live but a therapist should be able to help if you're willing to go, and they're never going to tell the police you're on coke unless you're intending to hurt yourself and others. I understand the requirement of not going to therapy high, but what's the point of not being accepted while being addicted?

I'd suggest admit yourself to the ER but it seems like you did. Having been to the ER and help brought people to it...they're overloaded. They're busy. Understaffed. We all want compassion and someone to tell us we matter in a world where there is more needing love than giving love. If you're willing to go again as a total last resort (especially since you stated giving up on regulsr doctor help), explicitly state you're there because you need direct support to taper off and medication to help wane withdrawal symptoms, and don't accept a discharge without a plan in action.

I got connected to local resources for drug addiction (never got real support besides a few motivational quotes), did you try researching if your county/state has programs or hotlines dedicated to drug addiction? I don't know where you live but most developed countries have them. There may be anonymous meetings or meetups if you're lucky.

Or you could go the destructive route and tip off police on the dealer so you wouldn't have resources. It's definitely a selfish move, but legally, you've done the right thing.