Method drowning, hanging, or jumping in terms of difficulty?

[monetpompo]

good morning sasu,

i feel drowning myself or jumping as alternatives to hanging, because i don't think that i can stand trying to hang myself just to fail again. i don't have a way to lower my SI besides otc meds, so once i'm at the location i'm just going to have to do it or go back home.

drowning is a preferred method for me because i don't know how to swim, and i've drowned before. i think that it would probably suck to swim in cold water, though. that's why i wished that i died in the summer instead of in the winter. i like the idea of just letting myself sink into the ocean, even though i know that i'll panic and try to swim up so that i can breathe. eventually, my limbs will get too tired and i'll keep on sinking down until i can't get back up again. i'll need to drive to a beach 2 hours away from me.

with jumping, a cop could arrest me before i make my way to the railing. i'd have to run towards it then jump off immediately after parking next to the bridge. but i think that not being able to go back would be the most comforting part, after dealing with SI for so long. there is real fear that i'll survive, but the bridge height is 175 feet and over water. i'd hope that landing on my head kills me instantly. the bridge is 1 hr and 21 mins away. i think that i'd leave the house around 4 or 5 am. i'm worried about feeling too tired if i left the house at 1 am.

with full suspension hanging i'll need to kick the stool away in the forest so that i have no way to stop myself. that's the hardest part. i need to jump off and give myself no opportunity to touch the ground again. partial has never made me pass out, so i don't have the luxury of doing it. i do get oxygen deprived after partial, but i don't think that i apply enough pressure. i may practice again just to see if i can find a position i pass out in.

i wish that i lived in a city with more high rise buildings or bridges. i've been considering jumping as an option more and more, but it's still mostly inaccessible.

 

[itsgone2]

I'm also having an issue with fsh and have tried thinking through alternatives. The cold water will make it difficult I think. You drowned before? Was it painful?
I parked by a bridge once. Got out, stood there for a bit. No one paid any attention.
I'm having issues with fsh too. Though I have an enclosed space and realized I could stand on chair with wheels, push it away. I'm thinking that's easier than trying to push a stool clear.

 

[monetpompo]

You drowned before? Was it painful?

in a wave pool, but also in a hotel pool. i never became unconscious, i just struggled under the water but got lifted out. i felt myself getting weaker every time i fell back into the water and swam up again. it seems really easy to submerge my whole body underwater after getting too tired from swimming. it seems really easy for me to drown in a regular swimming pool, because i just sink to the bottom instead of being able to float. that's how easy it is for me to drown.

Though I have an enclosed space and realized I could stand on chair with wheels

i'll be doing my method outside, but doing it on a chair with wheels is a good idea. you can push it away with your feet.

it seems easy to just head to a bridge location, but i've never done it before, so i wouldn't know. i've seen the bridge while on a road trip before and it looked really high. i'd just hate to have to go back home.