Driving home and I felt a sudden sense of peace knowing that I have a way out

[nothirdact]

Had a weird day at work. Cried a bit, got over it. On the drive back I was thinking about work, pros and cons of quitting, wondering if I'm mentally stable enough for this job or any job. And then I realized I don't have to think about all of this or make a decision. I could just leave. Every single day I stress out over something or other. My physical health, my mental health, my romantic life. But I'm starting to think — what's the point? I mean I solve these problems but what am I working towards? The world is getting worse. People are getting worse. Bigotry is getting worse. Literally what's the point in keeping myself alive and going if everything is stressful. I have good things in my life, but that doesn't make me happy with life. Those good things don't motivate me to want to keep going. They're just things that make me happy in the moment.

So I just feel relieved knowing I don't have to deal with this if I don't want to.

 

[Traveller12724]

It's certainly a good feeling to know that you can check out of this game at any time that you want. It sounds like you are experiencing nihilism, well the problem with nihilism is that it undermines your ability to live for sure, once you realize that life is fully meaningless and in many cases not worth it. If there are, however, things that make time pass properly for you (like when engaging in a hobby you are passionate about or seeing that special someone who make you feel desire and everything associated with it) maybe you can try having those or adding those more in your life and check out when you've had enough.

 

[Betsy007]

But I'm starting to think — what's the point? I mean I solve these problems but what am I working towards?

It's ultimately empty, isn't it? Unless one has a religious or spiritual belief that actions here affect an afterlife, then we're just marking time.

 

[ConstantPain]

I couldn't agree more, nothirdact. I also had realizations today that can make the decision to ctb easier. One was that my cats don't love me nearly as much as I love them. They will be fine without me. The second is that my family will get over it easily enough too. It's my elderly mothers birthday and I live 20 hours driving away. Most of my family was there with her. I saw some pictures and got the sense that they've already forgotten me. Or at least, no one cared that I wasn't there. That's good.

 

[popping_candy]

I can't wait to feel like this once I get my SN. SD please come through.