Venting don't want to fail this time

[brokenwaves]

i'm planning to ctb soon (hopefully in about a week, if all works out), my only option available to me is jumping. i was originally planning to jump from the nearest cliff to my home that is accessible with public transport (i don't drive) but it isn't very high. there have been deaths there, but there is risk involved because of its height. i'm starting to have doubts about the height, and i really don't want to survive this.

however, a much further distance are some of the highest cliffs in the country - they are much further distance from me, over 4 hours of travel. but i feel this might be worth it to be "guaranteed" my death, since they're more than 4 times as high than the original cliff... i'm kind of just thinking out loud, as i've only started to consider this option now that i'm having fears about my original location.

 

[motel rooms]

You know that a sufficient height is crucial, especially if the jump is into water...

 

[brokenwaves]

You know that a sufficient height is crucial, especially if the jump is into water...

it's not into water, onto a rocky shore basically. but yeah i don't think the original plan is worth the risk. not only surviving, but being in whatever state a jump like that would leave me in, jesus no. i guess part of me just doesn't want to make the journey, for this one thing in my life to just be easy lmfao

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

I hope you can figure it out and whatever you want happens happens. It's such a hard thing. I thought to jump for a really long time. I like your profile picture. I used to listen to Bjork.

 

[Jumping_realms]

I wish you peace in your decision. I'd tried jumping myself, and It literally makes me tremble. I have overdosed 6 times without an SI issue, though. Go figure.

Some of the courage and control people display with some of these methods is fascinating.

Again, I hope you find what you are after.

 

[motel rooms]

i guess part of me just doesn't want to make the journey

Make sure it's a sheer drop. That's extremely important too, for obvious reasons. Do you plan on getting drunk? It's probably not a good idea to get too drunk

 

[brokenwaves]

Make sure it's a sheer drop. That's extremely important too, for obvious reasons. Do you plan on getting drunk? It's probably not a good idea to get too drunk

yeah it's straight down, and no alcohol want to have as much of a clear mind as can be possible. hopefully it can all go according to plan, and it's a quick exit. i'm ready for this shit to end already

I hope you can figure it out and whatever you want happens happens. It's such a hard thing. I thought to jump for a really long time. I like your profile picture. I used to listen to Bjork.

thank you i really hope the universe just allows this one thing to go smoothly, i deserve peace after everything this life has thrown at me. jumping wasn't always my first choice, but is the best option i've been left with, so i'll take it! i really adore bjork, her music feels like the sound i was searching for my entire life

I wish you peace in your decision. I'd tried jumping myself, and It literally makes me tremble. I have overdosed 6 times without an SI issue, though. Go figure.

Some of the courage and control people display with some of these methods is fascinating.

Again, I hope you find what you are after.

it is fascinating the various methods we gravitate towards, and this one seems oddly "fitting," i never imagined jumping to be my method but it does feel right to be out in nature. thank you for your kind wishes, i send equal hopes your way on your journey!

 

[motel rooms]

i really adore bjork, her music feels like the sound i was searching for my entire life

Your method reminded me of a couple of lines from Bjork's Hyperballad, you probably know which ones
Do you have a favorite Bjork song? Mine's Pagan Poetry. On the surface simplicity, but the darkest pit in me...
I wish I could be the good kind of crazy like her & believe that All Is Full of Love. If only that were true

 

[brokenwaves]

Your method reminded me of a couple of lines from Bjork's Hyperballad, you probably know which ones
Do you have a favorite Bjork song? Mine's Pagan Poetry. On the surface simplicity, but the darkest pit in me...
I wish I could be the good kind of crazy like her & believe that All Is Full of Love. If only that were true

holy shit yes lately when i listen to hyperballad it takes on a whole new meaning, especially those lines really hit me — i really love the brodsky quartet version ahh. that's definitely one of my favourites, before and now especially after deciding my method. as for other faves god there's so many it honestly depends on my emotional state lol. i always have Blissing Me on repeat it's just so pretty. Harm of Will !! Bachelorette is great and moody. Venus as a Boy is boppy and nice to sing to. and yess Pagan Poetry is up there in my top tracks too, Vespertine is such a gorgeous album! really no skips on that one for me. Black Lake too is another, ok i'm just naming all her tracks at this stage hahah i could go on all day, my bjork playlist on my phone is hours long