Don’t see the point anymore

[cammac55]

I'm new here, but I'm glad I've found this space because I feel that literally no one in my life understands how I feel or what it's like to go through what I've been through. I have a chronic illness that means I've been on lots of steroids for years and my body has broken down because of that, and my mental health is in shambles. I've always struggled with depression and bad anxiety but it's just peaked at this point. And I have complex PTSD so my life feels out of control a lot for me. And all my close relationships are gone. Pretty much alone now. I can't struggle the way I've been struggling anymore and I have wanted out for so long, I just don't want to suffer anymore. I would like to talk to someone who finally can resonate with my feelings. I just want to find a peaceful way to bring an end to my suffering because I feel I should have the right to decide when enough is enough

 

[Overwhelmed52]

I feel the same way, and I've been posting a lot tonight and seeing other posts from people saying the same thing. I have depression and anxiety, too. I went on Lexapro for it recently and at first it kicked my anxiety into really high gear and it was terrible. Then it evened out for a while, I was still depressed but that spike of anxiety had settled down. Today, I had a scare about something and am on a real fear spiral. A lot of it has to do with being alone and not fitting in anywhere. My circumstances aren't the same as yours, but I understand generally how you feel and I definitely agree that we should all have the right to decide when enough is enough. I wish N or something similar was freely available. It would be so great to have a peaceful way out. Hugs.

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds like you've suffered a lot, I just want peace from the suffering as well, all I personally hope for is to never suffer in this existence ever again. But anyway I wish you the best, I hope that you find the peace you search for.

 

[cammac55]

Thank you for your responses. It's startlingly refreshing to hear from others who feel the same way I do. I've tried a couple meds but Wellbutrin gave me auditory hallucinations so I had to stop that and withdrawal from Celexa was hell so I am so terrified of taking a med like that again.
I was also just diagnosed with BPD… so I'm feeling like I'm in an especially dark place right now. I feel like I've been doomed to unhappiness forever.. and if just makes me so angry to think about all the people in the past who have abused and used me and now I'm like this, unable to have a healthy relationship, with a scary rare autoimmune disease and a life that feels like it has no purpose. I don't recognize myself anymore. I wish I knew how to help myself.. everything I try never seems to stick.. at least I know that if things done get better.. I can always ask Dignitas to make it quick for me