Venting Don't read this I'm just screaming

[ImNotReal]

I hhhatteee how isolated and lonely I am constantly. I can't keep a friend for more then a year. All my old friends have decided I'm too unstable to be around or they just finally had enough of me and just left me. I've never had a best friend. Nobody's considered me a best friend anyways. I latch on to people and call them my best friends, sure. But it's never??? I don't know???

I've had a plan for. Eons. To move in with this friend I've known forever. This is the one person who've stuck with me and probably means more then she should absolutely. The plan is to move in with her and 2 others and we can split rent 4 ways. Plans keep getting put off one way or another (cuz they all live miles away and they all live near each other and I do not).

She kept adding people to this server and it became a hangout spot rather then anything and now nobody fucking does anything for this move! They all live near each other, see each other regularly. I just feel so fucking dejected.

They added someone that she's known for. Months. And she moved in with her??? Everyone's living comfortably now and I have been. Banking on this for my own safety and happiness for. Eons.

They're like fucking in love too I know I should be happy like "yay!!!" But I can't keep fucking feeling miserable every day and turning on this stupid fucking server and seeing everyone all happy and kind and compassionate and I don't even want to participate in conversations because I get fucking ignored I am constantly ignored in group chats constantly all the time. I feel like everyone's figured it out over there and everyones gonna be ok and I'm just this dejected mess an infinite miles away that's only here cuz she's friends with the server maker.

I know I shouldn't be feeling thissss me and my friend have been thru a lot and I'm glad she's so happy and smiling but it is actual torture lol

It's just. I keep latching on to happy people with my genuinely evil energy and I am this close to just trying to kill myself again God I hate this
I'm so fucking clingy I hate it

 

[Anonymousa]

haha I read this, what you going to do now?

But I would say its totally understandable to feel this way. I mean you had this plan for a while to move in with this friend when someone who this person has known for months has somehow been able to move in first? I feel like you have some right to be disappointed and feel left out and that is really painful. Just cus she is happy doesn't mean your emotions don't matter here.