Venting dont know

[ares0027]

yesterday i was sure today was the day. today, 99%. i have been fasting for more than a day, took all the metoclopramide properly, my only concern is that my sn is not pure enough, or my test sucks or i did the wrong test. according to my test results my SN is only 1/3 as potent as it should be which makes me question it.

but on the other hand i postponed and procrastinated for whole week, never done any work, any studies that i need to do for work and i dont know if i can take it. it will just make everything times and times worse.

i think ill go through with it even if my SN is not right, there are cases of people who managed to do it with 5gr or even less so what if really my SN is not as potent, it would still be ~11-12gr of SN (i will take 35gr because i am 104kg, and since it is only 1/3 as potent...)

i am also thinking secondary and tertiary backups if i dont vomit. but i dont know, maybe i am still hoping for something to happen so i dont "need to" do it but that sign is not coming and i made everything worse for myself.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hate how suicide is so unnecessarily difficult and complicated in this world but anyway I wish you the best with your plans.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry that life brought you to this point. It's so incredibly difficult to leave this world. Should you really be unsure about your SN you should rethink your options because nothing hurts more and is more painful but a failed attempt. I hope you can find peace and I wish you all the best with your plans!

 

[ares0027]

I'm sorry that life brought you to this point. It's so incredibly difficult to leave this world. Should you really be unsure about your SN you should rethink your options because nothing hurts more and is more painful but a failed attempt. I hope you can find peace and I wish you all the best with your plans!

thats what i did. first i sent an email demanding answers to quality and purity of the SN. and found another source (in Turkey getting SN is not that hard) so until i have pure enough and verification i postponed which i think ill be able to do it this week, weekend at worst