SecretUser
Student
- Mar 9, 2025
- 4
I need ways to cope with my life. I'm so tired of it all—tired of the guilt I'm carrying for being such a bad person, tired of even trying to have a will to live.
I live with my parents and siblings (they are very observant). I don't want them to notice that my health is deteriorating mentally and emotionally—they are already struggling enough, and I don't want to add to their problem. I bang my head on the wall, shot myself with a pellet gun, punched myself, tried ice with salt, tried to suffocate myself, and tried flicking a rubber band on my wrist—but I need something else stronger (?) for me to cope and be calm.
Please no judgement; I'm bad at words, and English isn't my mother tongue.
I already planned when I'm going to CTB (I want to at least wait for them to have their own life so that me being gone will not affect them that much. I don't want to cause them to have a hard time).
P.S. Idk why Im having a hard time to cut myself, it seems that my body won't do what i want and im not even scared of the pain, i just want some release.
I live with my parents and siblings (they are very observant). I don't want them to notice that my health is deteriorating mentally and emotionally—they are already struggling enough, and I don't want to add to their problem. I bang my head on the wall, shot myself with a pellet gun, punched myself, tried ice with salt, tried to suffocate myself, and tried flicking a rubber band on my wrist—but I need something else stronger (?) for me to cope and be calm.
Please no judgement; I'm bad at words, and English isn't my mother tongue.
I already planned when I'm going to CTB (I want to at least wait for them to have their own life so that me being gone will not affect them that much. I don't want to cause them to have a hard time).
P.S. Idk why Im having a hard time to cut myself, it seems that my body won't do what i want and im not even scared of the pain, i just want some release.
