Discussion Does physical health play a role in your misery?

[Mljonzy]

Yes i feel tarred up inside from heavy smoking but im never giving up smoking has been there for me through everything.

 

[GoneSeptember2018]

Huge reason. The main reason.

 

[anna]

50%

 

[Steve]

2 weeks of benzos (I didn't know they were that dangerous, the GP said they can be used for sleep) and unknowingly entered withdrawal. As I did, I fell into the hands of psychiatry.

6 months of hell: episodes of sleeplessness up to 7 days in a row, horrific heart palpitations, unimaginable anxiety, strange out of body experiences called depersonalisation and derealisation, tremendous pain lasting for two months in the chest and oddly my groin, difficulty breathing... etc etc.

After that I got polydrugged, and now I have permanent brain damage.

 

[InsidiousDormouse]

2 weeks of benzos (I didn't know they were that dangerous, the GP said they can be used for sleep) and unknowingly entered withdrawal. As I did, I fell into the hands of psychiatry.

6 months of hell: episodes of sleeplessness up to 7 days in a row, horrific heart palpitations, unimaginable anxiety, strange out of body experiences called depersonalisation and derealisation, tremendous pain lasting for two months in the chest and oddly my groin, difficulty breathing... etc etc.

After that I got polydrugged, and now I have permanent brain damage.

I'm also two years into a horrific cold turkey from Benzos, research chemical ones, one called Diclazepam. It's a Diazepam analogue. I was taking a dose equivalent to over 800mg of Diazepam a day when I was forced to stop cold turkey from about three years of chaotic use and severe physical dependency. Unfortunately I did not have a massive seizure and die shortly after the withdrawal, it's taken two years of torture to kill me slowly.

The addictions treatment agency who treat me for my codeine habit also forced me into the cold turkey, they refused to even acknowledge how serious the situation was and that a new law would make it impossible for me to get the stuff online anymore. A doctor agreed not to help me too. A fucking doctor.

I have pain in my groin too, I don't know if it's endometriosis too but I have severe pelvic pain now as well. My whole body feels like every cell inside is vibrating like an electric toothbrush, that is very intense in my groin area as well. You try explaining that to someone.

I cannot put weight on my right leg anymore because of nerve pain all down it, I cannot walk far.

I have awful tinnitus, I cannot stand noise. I wish I could go and live in the woods, with just the birds, the world is too loud. I've lost so much to this symptom alone, I cannot be anywhere where there is noise, kids playing, car engines etc, normal everyday sounds. I carry on hearing sounds long after they've stopped too. This has made me bitter towards anyone who so much as breathes too loudly.

I have lost all my health, this has lead to me losing all my friends, all my hobbies, I am constantly exhausted so I cannot go out and do stuff with people because as soon as I get there, I just want to go and go back to bed. My whole body is forever heavy with exhaustion.

I hate my body, I hate how I look, I hate how I feel, I hate my dry, scaly skin, my body is a corpse, my soul is trapped inside a corpse. I can't wait to cut my soul free from this sack of sickness and decay.

I can't wait for the two things death guarantees and that is to be quiet and still. No more of this, ever, ever, EVER again, I want to be gone, life lasts for a certain amount of time, death is infinite, the peace I hope is waiting for me is forever.

 

[TAW122]

At this point in my life, I don't and while I can't know (with certainty) that I won't have health problems later in life (in my late 20's), bad physical health would contribute even more to wanting to ctb.