Does it matter in the end how hard you have tried?

[noname223]

"I tried so hard and got so far
But in the end it doesn't even matter
I had to fall to lose it all
But in the end it doesn't even matter"

This is a part of the lyrics of the Linkin Park song "In the end". My personal philosophy is quite the opposite what is described in this song. I don't think everything is in your own hand but I don't believe in this fatalism. Or at least I don't act like that. I know some people here in this forum who believe in hard determinism and that there is no free will. I partly have the feeling no matter what I do I can't escape my fate (rational suicide). This somehow fits to fatalism. But I try to be more agnostic about that. I am really scared about self-fulfilling prophecies. I try as hard as I can to make the best out of my situation. To play the cards I have been dealt in the best way I can. Though in the past it was quite absurd. I tried so extremely hard to succeed so that I collapsed. First I blamed myself but later I understood this was part of my mania. I tried to be more self-reflective about me and my illness. I think my life is so cynical and in the end the joke is on me. And people who laughed about me during psychosis/mania (due to my behavior) were the cherry on the top. But this cherry on the top metaphor also fits to my final exit. My personal suicide. I have the feeling the game is rigged. My brain is that fucked it completely is on self-destruction mode.

I think this notion of (hard) determinism is quite dangerous. (For further explanation this philosophy describes that everything is predetermined and we actually have no choice.) I think it is dangerous that oneself thinks I cannot do anything about my fate I am simply giving up without even trying to fight. Though my personal situation is different. I personally can think rationally that many things that are fucked up in my life were caused by the severe abuse and bullying. But the abuse started a mechanism in my brain, a pattern of behavior developed. I was extremely pressured during the abuse. Always when I am now as an adult under pressure I am on the edge of collapsing. Twice I have got a psychosis from it. The weight that I carry, the pressure I am doing to myself is unimaginable. I cannot cope with this shit. A part of me is sick of fighting. I would prefer just to do escapism. However if I only did that I barely had a hope that my problems could be solved. When I am trying I am at least deceiving myself that there might be some hope. Partly this tiny hope really helps but I currently I seem to break under the pressure.

So my answer on the question in the title/to Linkin Park would be: No it matters how hard you try. Though it might not fit to my personal situation. I think some people can really fix their problems by fighting hard. Not just me. But in the end I want to say to myself when I am committing suicide that I have made the best out of it. Despite the fact I could not win I at least tried. Though I am not sure how this affects my bitterness. Does it will make me more bitter or less of a bitter person? Though my personal approach might also not be that healthy. I worry so extreme about my life, I have so many sorrows it overwhelmes me. It makes me ill. Maybe this notion it does not even matter in a litte dosage would be more healthy for me. Even if I can say this to me on a cognitive level I don't feel like it. Ironically I probably never had a choice about that.

 

[FuneralCry]

Of course nothing matters, life is completely meaningless. Life is just a pointless experience that we go through for the sake of it, life is just one big distraction from death. Everything is temporary after all. I find it comforting, that the suffering will not last forever and eventually I will be at peace.

 

[Murasa]

It never mattered, I was a worthless daughter from the beginning and I lose precious things because of stupid mistakes. For a long time I've been a cause of pain for those I care about so... It's better to remove the band-aid in one fell swoop than little by little, I don't see any reason to extend this further.

My chances to escape those thoughts are gone and I don't feel like continuing, I just want to rest. It was a good ride overall, but I think it's time for me to get off.

 

[MsSelfsabotage]

Of course nothing matters, life is completely meaningless. Life is just a pointless experience that we go through for the sake of it, life is just one big distraction from death. Everything is temporary after all. I find it comforting, that the suffering will not last forever and eventually I will be at peace.

I agree. But then I also ask myself the question, if life is meaningless why is it there in the first place? What sadist piece of shit invented life and existence? I don't believe in god, I'm not religious at all and I do think we're here randomly. But then I also look into science and what we discovered about the universe so far. We're the only planet that's in the exact right position away/close from the sun so that life was able to evolve. Most of the other planets are either too far away or too close to the sun for things to live on it. I'm sure there must be other planets far away with life on it out there. However are we really that random? Again, if "life" in terms of a person or animal for example is senseless and meaningless why did it even evolve or start to exist. Still looking for answers...

 

[Sanva]

tbh this kind of sentiment has always been used against me, like as in "you're just not trying hard enough". I think most people are usually trying their best with the cards they've been dealt.

it does matter in a way & it's obviously good to do your best and try to improve things, especially before you make a big decision like ctb. but unfortunately your situation is not always determined by how hard you try.

 

[Murasa]

What sadist piece of shit invented life and existence?

That is a pretty big irony of life, since most living organisms require killing in some way or another to sustain their own life, which is applicable to animals, plants or even bacteria.

According to our current perception and understanding, life does not have a single and objective meaning, that is something that each of us has to seek, just like everything else.

 

[lobster salad]

Well i dont have anything useful to say but i recently heard that song a week ago and really Like it , its super catchy.

 

[porhtna]

Can relate... I WOULD prefer to see life as a process in which the "trying" itself has value instead of seeing it from a purely consequentialist point of view, but a lot of times overwhelmed with despair and feeling doomed from the start. Might as well end it now and not prolong the meaningless suffering. I guess I do believe in determinism to a large degree, but once in a while I feel a glimpse of hope thinking I could do SOMETHING.

(But imo the argument of "just TRY HARDER and you can achieve ANYTHING n change your life for the better sweetheart don't give up" is equivalent to "let them eat cake".)

You are a brave and strong person! And your philosophy's admirable & inspiring to me.<3 Deciding to hold on or let go are both valid choices I guess, and for me they depend on the day lol. As for the bitterness (I get that too!) unless it's getting distressing I think it's a natural emotion that you don't need to feel overly guilty over?

And a gimmick I use to trick myself when I decide to "try" is the sunk cost fallacy, like "you've gone this far, might as well keep going a little further or all the previous suffering and effort would be wasted." Not very healthy either but it's a way to get by. :')

 

[StarryStarry]

No, I can tell you I've tried for my adult life and my life is shit. I've always been kind to others. I've given money to people who needed it, saved two little girls from drowning, always been there for friends. What have I gotten for it? Not a damn thing. I'm sorry I'm so negative. I'm so angry with my life and the world.

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

I do not think that everything matters in the long run, but I do believe that some things do matter to other people in the short term.

You can make a difference in people's lives in the moment, and it is good to do so.

But the fact remains that humanity is just a blip in the timeline of the world and in the end, we will be gone just like the dinosaurs.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

Continuing to try and improve your life in the face of adversity is truly admirable and you should feel proud of yourself for this feat. Not many people can maintain this conviction when they are on their knees from life's sorrow.

Considering that you have endured mind-breaking abuse and psychosis, I would beg to differ that any of these outcomes were within your control, and feeling some bitterness in the wake of this is completely understandable. What happened to you was unnecessarily cruel, and no human should have to endure continuous torment which serves no purpose but to whittle away at one's determination and yearning for hope.

It is hard not to be deterministic when so many factors are entirely random and out of our jurisdiction. Life can be absurdly stochastic, with random events tossing a spanner in the works out of nowhere and throwing out of whack the meticously crafted plans that are a hallmark of present day civilization.

A man can diligently work towards earning a good, honest living only for his savings to be decimated by an unforetold emergency, like an accident, faulty car part, loss of a loved one, relationship splitting up, etc. No one can predict that, yet the onus tends to be placed on the sufferer for not preparing 382828 assets in advance and having oracle like wisdom as to which tragedy will befall them next.

When it comes to health issues, particularly those that have arisen as a nasty consequence of trauma and abuse, it becomes even more frustrating, because victim's outcomes shouldn't be predetermined. An outcry about the failure of modern medicine, sociology, and psychotherapy is necessary to remedy the cognitive dissonance that orbits around these professions.

Like you, so many ailing and hurt people truly don't want to throw in the towel. They don't want to give up. At the end of the day, there's a certain satisfaction in knowing that you tried everything within the scope of your power/ability to enjoy life and make the most of it, and this is greatly hampered by the misguided notions of onlookers who have no idea what the individual is going through.

It's hard not to feel like ones efforts are misplaced and futile when there's no one standing up and telling the authorities that their methodology is flawed and people who have peered into the depths of hell and treaded on lava to get back out of it, need compassion and therapeutics that go beyond CBT workbooks, haldol booty juice injections, and patronising platitudes uttered in sing song voices to ensure legal culpability has been absolved.

There are many things in the world that make me feel so sick, yet I am powerless to change them. Even if I transformed myself, if I became healthy, there would be so many injustices and issues I couldn't turn a blind eye to no matter how hard I tried. Sometimes it feels like a mindless exercise in futility to contemplate it.

 

[Treeline589]

No, in the end it doesn't matter

 

[Foresight]

But in the end I want to say to myself when I am committing suicide that I have made the best out of it. Despite the fact I could not win I at least tried. Though I am not sure how this affects my bitterness. Does it will make me more bitter or less of a bitter person?

This right here for me too. I want to lay my head down on my last day and know I didn't let the suffering steal everything from me. That's why I only focus on two things 1. what I absolutely need to do (for financial reasons to survive) and 2. what I absolutely want to do out of pure love. I feel fortunate to have the chance. I've been in the position where life didn't grant me any leeway. It was all suffering, all day, high intensity nonstop. If your circumstances give you some time to breathe and do some nice things and you have the desire to try then I think you should.

I stopped fighting for my life and I'm just fighting for my loves for however long. I'll read the books I want, learn the music I want, have the revelations I need and then I'm out. I will go easily knowing I tried. If you have life left in you and the opportunity to do so then I think you should go ahead and live it as much as you can before you go. That's my outlook.

Be kind to yourself though, rest up. The fight is inevitable as long as we're alive. It plays out on its own. You have to consciously make space to nurture yourself for the sake of your mind and your body. You have time left for you. It's funny because just the other day I had the thought that you in particular have some time left. Take some of it to rest and let that pressure defuse. I've done a lot of resting and recharging to survive. It's a must when things get too much.

 

[noname223]

Continuing to try and improve your life in the face of adversity is truly admirable and you should feel proud of yourself for this feat. Not many people can maintain this conviction when they are on their knees from life's sorrow.

Considering that you have endured mind-breaking abuse and psychosis, I would beg to differ that any of these outcomes were within your control, and feeling some bitterness in the wake of this is completely understandable. What happened to you was unnecessarily cruel, and no human should have to endure continuous torment which serves no purpose but to whittle away at one's determination and yearning for hope.

You are a brave and strong person! And your philosophy's admirable & inspiring to me.<3 Deciding to hold on or let go are both valid choices I guess, and for me they depend on the day lol. As for the bitterness (I get that too!) unless it's getting distressing I think it's a natural emotion that you don't need to feel overly guilty over?

Thank you both for your nice words. You are so kind. :)

You have time left for you. It's funny because just the other day I had the thought that you in particular have some time left. Take some of it to rest and let that pressure defuse. I've done a lot of resting and recharging to survive. It's a must when things get too much.

My current situation is kind of ambivalent. I would clarify some things but i I have become really careful/paranoid not to post too personal information.
I think I have some time left. On the other hand when my trial to fight backfired I would have to kill myself soon.

 

[Shaylla1998]

If you're not interested in science or prefer to skip this comment, please feel free to do so.

From a human perspective, our efforts may seem important in the short run. However, when we consider the grand scheme of things, it appears that nothing truly matters. We are all composed of atoms, the same particles that emerged from the Big Bang approximately 13.8 billion years ago. Our existence is the result of an incredibly improbable series of events. Upon death, our atoms disperse back into the ground, the atmosphere, and even space.

This cycle of life and death is an inevitable part of the universe's lifespan, not only for humanity but also for unknown civilizations and those yet to emerge.

The actions we take today can have an impact on our immediate future, perhaps tomorrow, next week, or even next year. However, if we look further ahead, 100, 1,000, or even 1 million years into the future, our actions lose meaning. We will be forgotten as if we never existed.

As we approach the end of the universe's lifespan, contemplating the potential occurrence of speculative phenomena like photon decay, we realize that nothing we do will ultimately matter.

You could build civilizations, strive for immortality, unravel the secrets of science, physics, and more. You might even construct colossal structures spanning the universe. However, when matter itself ceases to exist, what will your achievements truly signify? In the end, they amount to nothing.

 

[suicidalloser]

If you gotta ask then you've answered your own dumb ass question.