Discussion Does it get any better after high school?

[JollyRogerBay]

Hello friends, glad to be here.

I'm a senior in high school, and well, my life is miserable. I haven't had anyone treat me like a genuine human being since middle school (due to a variety of factors such as appearance, social ability, & mental disorders, but that is not the point), I'm either ignored by everyone or used as entertainment/a punching bag. Home life is horrible since my authoritarian parents don't let me do ANYTHING (not allowed to get on computer or game consoles which I own, not allowed to drive or go anywhere unless it's on the weekends), so I go home miserable every day with nothing to do but sleep and do school work. Being around my psychotic brother who I am incredibly uncomfortable around due to his lies about me causing me to lose the only sparks of kindness I had left at school, and his random violent outbursts against me does not help to ease the suffering. Can anyone who has had a similar high school experience tell me how much it improves after graduating? I plan on going straight to uni afterwards and I plan to live in a dorm so I can at least scratch the evil parents off of my misery list.

Also, secondary question if anyone knows. Is it even legal to deny me access to my electronic devices, and is it legal to not allow me to drive? Since I am 18 it might be. I wonder if I could contact a lawyer and sue them. It's a stretch, but when you have pretty much no reason to live you gotta cling to just about anything you can. My grandparents are much nicer and more relaxed so I could probably live with them if they ended up in prison. I would prefer to live with them. I can't do anything relating to the topic of this forum that would be reliable since they probe any packages I order. I have tried to run away in the past but obviously there was not really anywhere to go due to my lack of connections, so my only choice was to turn around.

Don't recommend me therapy because it has never worked. I've gone through three therapists and none have done jack.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

It probably will get better for you. Kids don't really have the ability to live on their own terms and have to exist in the circumstances that adults impose on them. That generally improves when you grow up and move out and away. In any case, it's impossible to say that it will "get better" with complete certainty, but it is 100% worth sticking around to see if it does.

 

[SexyIncél]

It can be better, yes. Especially if you increase your chances of meeting decent people. Some do this by observing yellow/red flags, and considering what mental states may cause them

Uni is overrated. It too has authoritarian structures overall, and typically punishes innovation except in certain times and fields. Nevertheless, that's the freest point in many people's lives, to explore things. Get experience by experimenting with social relationships. Keeping in mind that experiments can blow up in your face

When you find decent people, it's good to be an overall helpful person. Not a self-denying doormat, of course. Sadly, people often abuse them

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Hello friends, glad to be here.

I'm a senior in high school, and well, my life is miserable. I haven't had anyone treat me like a genuine human being since middle school (due to a variety of factors such as appearance, social ability, & mental disorders, but that is not the point), I'm either ignored by everyone or used as entertainment/a punching bag. Home life is horrible since my authoritarian parents don't let me do ANYTHING (not allowed to get on computer or game consoles which I own, not allowed to drive or go anywhere unless it's on the weekends), so I go home miserable every day with nothing to do but sleep and do school work. Being around my psychotic brother who I am incredibly uncomfortable around due to his lies about me causing me to lose the only sparks of kindness I had left at school, and his random violent outbursts against me does not help to ease the suffering. Can anyone who has had a similar high school experience tell me how much it improves after graduating? I plan on going straight to uni afterwards and I plan to live in a dorm so I can at least scratch the evil parents off of my misery list.

Also, secondary question if anyone knows. Is it even legal to deny me access to my electronic devices, and is it legal to not allow me to drive? Since I am 18 it might be. I wonder if I could contact a lawyer and sue them. It's a stretch, but when you have pretty much no reason to live you gotta cling to just about anything you can. My grandparents are much nicer and more relaxed so I could probably live with them if they ended up in prison. I would prefer to live with them. I can't do anything relating to the topic of this forum that would be reliable since they probe any packages I order. I have tried to run away in the past but obviously there was not really anywhere to go due to my lack of connections, so my only choice was to turn around.

Don't recommend me therapy because it has never worked. I've gone through three therapists and none have done jack.

I'd say it's one of those things that's different based on the person. Also idk much about the law, you would probably have to look up laws in your state but as an 18 year old, if you paid for the electronics, they're yours, if the car is in your name, it's yours, otherwise you don't really have much you can do. You could probably contact a lawyer and find out if anything they're doing is illegal and what the recourse is but they probably won't go to prison. Either way, I hope stuff goes well for you!

 

[Seven Threads]

I'm going to agree with LaVieEnRose here. There's no way to be certain that things will get better. There's also no way to be certain that they won't. They can. They very often do.

Usually it boils down to people. The people who are around you, whether they support or control you, whether or not you feel respected or loved. That's probably the biggest thing. Having someone you can talk to, a person you can rely on who is willing to try and understand you, support you, and empathize with you, can turn a truly awful situation into a bearable one, or even a truly worthwhile one if you're lucky. And the absence of such a person can make regular day to day life feel hopeless, meaningless, and unfulfilling.

If you want things to get better, find that person. Find someone like that. Multiple someone's, if you're able to. They're out there, even if you may need to wait until you're in a different environment to search for them.

In the meantime, maybe you can find someone who fits that description on here? It's not the same as being with somebody in person, but I've only been here a short time, and I've already seen that many of the users here are some of the most compassionate people I've seen.

 

[purella]

if you dont have physical conditions, yes

 

[SexyIncél]

Having someone you can talk to, a person you can rely on who is willing to try and understand you, support you, and empathize with you, can turn a truly awful situation into a bearable one, or even a truly worthwhile one if you're lucky. And the absence of such a person can make regular day to day life feel hopeless, meaningless, and unfulfilling.

Yeah I think this is a vital point! If you're lucky enough to get a flatterer, they can still depress you -- if they don't understand you. So ideally, you first find understanding people. Then you're in better position to enjoy other sorts of people, while finding crappy ones more or less amusing

 

[CantWait2D1E]

Everyone's experiences are unique so It's hard to say. Some of my best years were during high school.
It sounds like your home life is really rough so some time away from that would be in your best interests. Uni has its own set of problems but at least you'd finally be independent and not have parents dictate your every action.
As to your second question, I have no idea if that is something you can sue over. I've always been a believer in the "their house/their rules" policy and I think any judge would agree with that. Is that even something you could afford? And what would you get outa that.. what would be the consequences of trying that? You're about to be out the house soon, possibly forever, so i'd just count your blessings and hold on til you start classes.

 

[outrider567]

High School is usually the worst years of your life

 

[anguila_anguila]

Hello friends, glad to be here.

I'm a senior in high school, and well, my life is miserable. I haven't had anyone treat me like a genuine human being since middle school (due to a variety of factors such as appearance, social ability, & mental disorders, but that is not the point), I'm either ignored by everyone or used as entertainment/a punching bag. Home life is horrible since my authoritarian parents don't let me do ANYTHING (not allowed to get on computer or game consoles which I own, not allowed to drive or go anywhere unless it's on the weekends), so I go home miserable every day with nothing to do but sleep and do school work. Being around my psychotic brother who I am incredibly uncomfortable around due to his lies about me causing me to lose the only sparks of kindness I had left at school, and his random violent outbursts against me does not help to ease the suffering. Can anyone who has had a similar high school experience tell me how much it improves after graduating? I plan on going straight to uni afterwards and I plan to live in a dorm so I can at least scratch the evil parents off of my misery list.

Also, secondary question if anyone knows. Is it even legal to deny me access to my electronic devices, and is it legal to not allow me to drive? Since I am 18 it might be. I wonder if I could contact a lawyer and sue them. It's a stretch, but when you have pretty much no reason to live you gotta cling to just about anything you can. My grandparents are much nicer and more relaxed so I could probably live with them if they ended up in prison. I would prefer to live with them. I can't do anything relating to the topic of this forum that would be reliable since they probe any packages I order. I have tried to run away in the past but obviously there was not really anywhere to go due to my lack of connections, so my only choice was to turn around.

Don't recommend me therapy because it has never worked. I've gone through three therapists and none have done jack.

Although no one can say for sure, it should get better.
I had a horrid time in school and it got worse the last 4 years before leaving - I was practically friendless and had almost daily trouble with bullying. The school was pretty closed minded, the teachers clearly favoured anyone that did sports and weren't supportive of other students. Anyone "different" was ostracised. My home life was strange; it was good at times, then terrible at others, but my father's unpredictable anger made me want to escape. Then, I went to uni. Uni was completely different, you meet people from many different backgrounds, and the city I moved to was really open and had all sorts of people living there. The academic side of my uni was tbh pretty disappointing, but the social life was amazing - I actually made many friends over the years (some of whom I still keep in touch with 25 years later) and I got a freedom that I never got at home. I still had to deal with the demons that school, in particular, had left me with, but it was definitely a much better time than previously.
Also, the study is generally more interesting, because you get to (hopefully) study a subject you are really interested in, rather than the various subjects you are forced to do at many ties in school.

I cannot comment on the legal issue - but over the years I've encountered people who had similarly strict parents to what you describe. Almost without fail, those people moved away when they could and have little contact with their family. Often, they went off the rails as soon as they had a little bit of freedom. I don't know why some parents are so draconian, especially at your age, you should be allowed to go out and learn responsibilities (such as managing your time productively), with the relative comfort of being at home so they can guide you. Just be aware, that you might also be prone to overdo it when you do get your freedom.

 

[ChubbyBunny]

Is it even legal to deny me access to my electronic devices, and is it legal to not allow me to drive?

It depends. If you own the devices, that can't legally take them from you, it's your property. Same thing with the car; if you own it, they can't take if from you. They can't stop you form going places (they can't hold you hostage).

Can anyone who has had a similar high school experience tell me how much it improves after graduating?

I grew up in a family where depression was very stigmatized. My dad and sister would call me crazy and whenever I was going through an episode, my mom would beat me pretty bad (like nosebleeds and stuff). But like, things get sooo much better after graduating (when you get to college). I would say people in college are more real than in high school. No stupid high school drama and stuff. I feel like I've made my life long friends here, they're family and I love them so much. We communicate our feelings in an adult way when we have issues. I really feel like my depression was cured when I moved for college (although, it definitely comes back when I go back home for break). I've never been as happy as I am now. Just hold out a little long fam, it's so worth it.

 

[azalea087]

im in highschool but my gf is in college, and from my outside perspective it seems infinitely better (there are still super sucky people in college but its definitely 1000x better than highschool)

 

[anx_out]

i don't mean to be all negative but please don't get too optimistic... because that's what i did. i was miserable throughout middle/high school and the only reason i didn't cbt was because i held out hope for university. well, i'm almost done with that now and the disappointment hits hard. i'm still miserable, no, even worse now because i lost my toxic friend group from back then (any friends is better than none haha). i'm sure it can get better for many people, but don't count on some magic fix once you start your courses. stay realistic, and if you're really determined (i was too hurt and scared for this) join student groups, initiate conversations, etc. if that fills you with dread like it does for me, then you have to decide how to cope: make amends with being alone or cbt. or, if you're very lucky, someone might be your friend regardless.

 

[C_F]

High School is usually the worst years of your life

For some it's their best years... which is worse. haha

 

[Forest Fire]

High school and a few years after were the best years of my life and they were still shit haha I still live with my parents in my thirties and other than going to work i've been a recluse for the last ten years though so your experience may vary.
If you've been bullied at school and you hate your family then your situation is more likely to improve some but nothing is guaranteed

 

[outrider567]

For some it's their best years... which is worse. haha

I'm a little prejudiced because I was sent away to an all boy boarding school for 4 long years, the worst years of my life up until a year ago

 

[Caoine01]

I want to tell you half the truth:

Yes it gets better At least that's what happened to me.
You start life, plan to have a career, maybe even study. You have the opportunity to find a partner and hole up with him in a snail shell.

 

[C_F]

I'm a little prejudiced because I was sent away to an all boy boarding school for 4 long years, the worst years of my life up until a year ago

My HS years were also not great. I'm sorry yours were awful. I'm glad that is your past now.

 

[FireWalkWithMe]

The more things that can drastically change in your life, then the opportunity for improvement increases. Some people don't have the same potential because of illness, or they've been around the block so much with mental health hope feels lost.

So yeah, I would say if you're still at school things are going to massively change over the next 5 years and there is potential. Nobody can promise anything and it also depends on your decisions, but at least the opportunity is there and I think that's important to hold onto and consider.

 

[vewn]

i wouldn't say it gets better but it sure does get fun. You will meet lots of people at uni that are just like you. You will make friends don't worry.

 

[lonelyguy]

I think it all depends on the person and the effort they make. I had classmates in high school but no real friends that i'd hang out with outside of school. I've always had anxiety and felt awkward in social situations. I worked during the summer but never really socialized with any coworkers outside of work. In 4 years of high school i think i went out on 2 weekends and one of those days was for prom.

I thought things would get better in college but my anxiety prevented me from developing friendships. I'm 47 so back then mental health wasn't talked about much. Had no social life and eventually dropped out. Got a job that i've worked at for 20 years and again had a lot of coworkers but never socialized with anyone outside of work. Depression and anxiety has robbed me of my life. It's so hard to make friends as you get older. I've never had a relationship. The only reason i'm still here i because i don't want to hurt my parents. That's been keeping me going for the last 21 years but i've had enough. I have my SN under my bed. Don't know how much longer i can go on.

Unless you make the attempt to get help and live a social life it will pass you by

 

[etherealgoddess]

High School is usually the worst years of your life

I agree. Everyone in high school is insecure to some degree, has no empathy, wants to put people down to feel powerful, and does not think about the consequences of their actions. High schoolers suck so much, lol.

 

[nopride86]

Hi! Okay so let me tell you, it can get better after high school. It did for me, however brief, because I was out of the shithole I grew up in. I never made friends as an adult, but the cool thing about Uni is that you can be acquainted with people without the pressure of having friends and the expectations that come with it. I used uni to have the teenage years I never got to have due to being in a similarly authoritarian home.

Here's where I fucked up:
1) I had to rely on those same family members for financial assistance. You're never truly free of these people if they offer any signatures, W2s, mailing addresses etc. That left cracks in the boundaries that eventually burst open and retraumatized me enough to be in the sorry state that I am today, 10 years later.

2) most likely due to the state of how I grew up, I had bad attachments and allowed bad partners to take control of my life. It's a hard cycle to break.

3) my grades tanked and my mental health couldn't come back up enough to recover them. I was kicked out of two different universities because my mental health was ruined due to the hold my family still had on me. And probably undiagnosed mental illnesses, and getting chronic illnesses. My brain turned to mush.

I will say though, I KNOW there is potential for everything to be better after HS because for about a year and a half it was better. It was amazing and daydreaming about those days are what keeps going (sometimes). Go to uni, live in the dorm, cut as many ties to you abusers that you can. Play it cool, stay curious, and be 100% yourself. You actually got this.

 

[Zaragoza]

Hello friends, glad to be here.

I'm a senior in high school, and well, my life is miserable. I haven't had anyone treat me like a genuine human being since middle school (due to a variety of factors such as appearance, social ability, & mental disorders, but that is not the point), I'm either ignored by everyone or used as entertainment/a punching bag. Home life is horrible since my authoritarian parents don't let me do ANYTHING (not allowed to get on computer or game consoles which I own, not allowed to drive or go anywhere unless it's on the weekends), so I go home miserable every day with nothing to do but sleep and do school work. Being around my psychotic brother who I am incredibly uncomfortable around due to his lies about me causing me to lose the only sparks of kindness I had left at school, and his random violent outbursts against me does not help to ease the suffering. Can anyone who has had a similar high school experience tell me how much it improves after graduating? I plan on going straight to uni afterwards and I plan to live in a dorm so I can at least scratch the evil parents off of my misery list.

Also, secondary question if anyone knows. Is it even legal to deny me access to my electronic devices, and is it legal to not allow me to drive? Since I am 18 it might be. I wonder if I could contact a lawyer and sue them. It's a stretch, but when you have pretty much no reason to live you gotta cling to just about anything you can. My grandparents are much nicer and more relaxed so I could probably live with them if they ended up in prison. I would prefer to live with them. I can't do anything relating to the topic of this forum that would be reliable since they probe any packages I order. I have tried to run away in the past but obviously there was not really anywhere to go due to my lack of connections, so my only choice was to turn around.

Don't recommend me therapy because it has never worked. I've gone through three therapists and none have done jack.

Well, I wanna tell you my own experience. It definitely doesn't apply to other people because everyone lives in a different situation. It all depends on your identity. Me, myself, I'm a useless genetic failure with autism and low IQ. I hardly can learn anything, make jokes, make conversation and by any means "fit in" the society. I'm less than a human being and for that reason it has never gotten easier for me. You can certainly guess your future by knowing who you are. For example, are you physically attractive? Are you intelligent? Do you have great social skills? And other questions about yourself and the answers would most likely reveal your future. Don't forget that a miracle could happen and change it for better, it has never happened to me but it might happen to you who knows

 

[ermurazor]

I would say yes and no.
School has been absolute hell for me since i got bullied and had zero friends.
Adulthood means you basically can do what you want to a certain point. But it comes with more responsibilites like paying bills and stuff and taking care of yourself.
Both have some positive and negative aspects.