Does it ever get better...or should I do it?

[whereismymind?]

Hi everyone, I'm very new here :')
I found about this site because my friends have been on here and they told me this is a trustworthy place to seek advice regarding my situation

So anyways... since I was 15 I've been struggling with mental health issues. I became very depressed, suicidal, anxious etc.
Since then, I've gotten better but then I fell in that dark headspace again... I sometimes struggle to find the point of continuing to exist. Lately my days have been unbearable. I've barely been moving, eating, leaving my room...which makes me think is this really a way to live? Should I end this suffering once and for all?
I've planned my suicide a few times before, but "chickened out". SI I guess.

Anyways, does this mean it's really my time to go?

Thanks for the advice

 

[Nothing………………….]

It's gotten better for me, but who knows if it'll get worse again. I think it would be great if you just tried to wait it out but also that's just me, I dunno what's best for you

 

[Tears in Rain]

Anyways, does this mean it's really my time to go?

Thanks for the advice

Only you can know of it's really your time to go. Some people get out of the hole they're in, some don't. Search all available avenues of help before you decide to totally give up.

 

[whereismymind?]

It's gotten better for me, but who knows if it'll get worse again. I think it would be great if you just tried to wait it out but also that's just me, I dunno what's best for you

I'm glad you feel better. Is there anything you did that helped? I guess I'm still trying to find a bit hope... but idk anymore

Only you can know of it's really your time to go. Some people get out of the hole they're in, some don't. Search all available avenues of help before you decide to totally give up.

I've been going to therapy since I was 15. Idk if it's normal for these thoughts to just come and go constantly. It's a battle for sure

 

[Nothing………………….]

I'm glad you feel better. Is there anything you did that helped? I guess I'm still trying to find a bit hope... but idk anymore

The things I did were very much specific to to my problems but here they are:
-reframe my mindset, this is the most vague but there were some things I had to just sit down and think about and sort out in my head
-Get new friends, as you could guess I had some pretty awful friends so I had to make a conscious effort to distance myself from them, and then a conscious effort to go and make new ones, which was hard but definitely a huge step for me
-Get a new hobby/ something to do, for me this was warhammer 40k, it not only is just fun if for me and also allows me to socialise more, but also gives me a sort of purpose, in some of my worse moments (as stupid as this is gonna sound) I didn't resort to CTB because I hadn't yet completed my army, I felt like there was something I was working towards and something for me to live for even if insignificant
-Self improvement, this is the generic answer but It really helped me with my self image, which wasn't the biggest problem I had but it still helps to feel a little more confident

these were the things that helped me but at the end of the day you need to figure out what it is that's pulling you down and find out a solution, or if not a solution then a way to deal with it and keep going.

 

[whereismymind?]

The things I did were very much specific to to my problems but here they are:
-reframe my mindset, this is the most vague but there were some things I had to just sit down and think about and sort out in my head
-Get new friends, as you could guess I had some pretty awful friends so I had to make a conscious effort to distance myself from them, and then a conscious effort to go and make new ones, which was hard but definitely a huge step for me
-Get a new hobby/ something to do, for me this was warhammer 40k, it not only is just fun if for me and also allows me to socialise more, but also gives me a sort of purpose, in some of my worse moments (as stupid as this is gonna sound) I didn't resort to CTB because I hadn't yet completed my army, I felt like there was something I was working towards and something for me to live for even if insignificant
-Self improvement, this is the generic answer but It really helped me with my self image, which wasn't the biggest problem I had but it still helps to feel a little more confident

these were the things that helped me but at the end of the day you need to figure out what it is that's pulling you down and find out a solution, or if not a solution then a way to deal with it and keep going.

Thank you for your answer. It really got me thinking about my situation. I realised that I can't expect to get better laying in bed or expecting meds to "do their thing". The least I can do is try right? It's refreshing to hear that you are trying as well and a lot of it makes sense. Now on to building streinght to find myself a hobby :')

 

[Hotsackage]

It can always improve, do the things that are good for your body and brain. Exercise and eating properly

 

[Nothing………………….]

Thank you for your answer. It really got me thinking about my situation. I realised that I can't expect to get better laying in bed or expecting meds to "do their thing". The least I can do is try right? It's refreshing to hear that you are trying as well and a lot of it makes sense. Now on to building streinght to find myself a hobby :')

Do remember that it's one step at a time, be proud of yourself for getting out of bed in the morning or taking a shower. And if things end up not going to plan or not going your way, always remember to take that first step again. I sincerely hope you can have the strength to keep taking that next, or that first step.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I can't tell you what you should do. (Against the rules anyway)
Others have made some good suggestions. Sometimes life gets better for some, Sometimes it doesn't.
You don't have to go right away. See how things go.
Everyone's circumstances are different. I believe everyone has their own reasons for wanting to CTB.

 

[jbear824]

It might get better. It might not. Only you can decide if you want to find out or not. And there is no shame in either decision. Both are valid.

 

[oddetoad]

It just get worse and worse

I wish I did it when I was 20 and not 40

My ocd has fuvked my hands up to the point where I can see my bones through the skin on both my hands

The only way I can see it can get better is if you turn evil and work hard

ALSO , very important I forgot to add that it's YOUR choice. Nobody here can tell you what you should or shouldnt do and ultimately it's only you who can answer the thread question.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Sadly, none of us know our own future, or other people's futures. It could get better. It could get worse. Seems more likey you'll get good times and bad times. Personally, I think the drive to suicide depends on whether you still have hope. Do you still want to feel better? Do you still see life as something that could be good? Good enough to want to experience it?

Then- like other people have said- it's going to be about working out what things you need to do to achieve that. Unfortunately though- the way life's been designed- not all these activities in themselves are necessarily enjoyable. Sometimes it's about doing the more tedious and even unpleasant stuff for the greater good- exercising, eating healthily, pursuing hobbies and careers we may fail at. Worse still- some of the things we may use to get us through may end up causing more harm- eg. alcohol and drugs.

From a personal perspective, my better years were my 30's. It's all about circumstances I think. It's different for everyone. That said- I've had ideation for 33 years but to varying intensities. A lot of it depends on how much you're willing to put up with too I think!

 

[whereismymind?]

It just get worse and worse
Our bodies are dying every day

I wish I did it when I was 20 and not 40

My ocd has fuvked my hands up to the point where I can see my bones through the skin on both my hands

The only way I can see it can get better is if you turn evil and work hard

It just get worse and worse
Our bodies are dying every day

I wish I did it when I was 20 and not 40

My ocd has fuvked my hands up to the point where I can see my bones through the skin on both my hands

The only way I can see it can get better is if you turn evil and work hard

I feel you, honestly I feel really sorry.
It helped me to think that we are aging, not dying everyday.
Is there any other mental illness you are suffering from?

What do you mean by turn evil?

 

[oddetoad]

I feel you, honestly I feel really sorry.
It helped me to think that we are aging, not dying everyday.
Is there any other mental illness you are suffering from?

What do you mean by turn evil?

No, all I have is a personality disorder in cluster B but the doctors then shifted it to another group "unknown personality disorders".

I mean , from my experience and in my perspective the only way to thrive in this world - you have to become evil basically.

Evil is rewarded here and good people are punished.

 

[FuneralCry]

If you are looking for "help"/advice to continue existing then there is a recovery section on here for those who want that. But I feel like if people want to stay here or not then it's just not something for other people to decide, it's very much a personal decision, in my case I'd never want to decay from age in this cruel, undesirable existence but if other people wish to delay the inevitable then that's up to them. I don't really think other people can tell you what to do as that's not what the site is for and anyway other people aren't experiencing your existence anyway so it's not their decision.

 

[whereismymind?]

Sadly, none of us know our own future, or other people's futures. It could get better. It could get worse. Seems more likey you'll get good times and bad times. Personally, I think the drive to suicide depends on whether you still have hope. Do you still want to feel better? Do you still see life as something that could be good? Good enough to want to experience it?

Then- like other people have said- it's going to be about working out what things you need to do to achieve that. Unfortunately though- the way life's been designed- not all these activities in themselves are necessarily enjoyable. Sometimes it's about doing the more tedious and even unpleasant stuff for the greater good- exercising, eating healthily, pursuing hobbies and careers we may fail at. Worse still- some of the things we may use to get us through may end up causing more harm- eg. alcohol and drugs.

From a personal perspective, my better years were my 30's. It's all about circumstances I think. It's different for everyone. That said- I've had ideation for 33 years but to varying intensities. A lot of it depends on how much you're willing to put up with too I think!

Well said, hope for me comes and goes. But that is also a part of life right? Idk if it's possible for me to completely stop having suicidal thoughts forever, since I have periods where I'm completely done and then after a while I do feel better. I've had cancer, was an addict etc and it does something to a person.
I'm willing to work on myself, some days are harder than the others. I have my cats to take care of, and I haven't yet even seen all the good and bad life gives.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Well said, hope for me comes and goes. But that is also a part of life right? Idk if it's possible for me to completely stop having suicidal thoughts forever, since I have periods where I'm completely done and then after a while I do feel better. I've had cancer, was an addict etc and it does something to a person.
I'm willing to work on myself, some days are harder than the others. I have my cats to take care of, and I haven't yet even seen all the good and bad life gives.

Wow- you've gone through a lot. I'm so sorry. Impressive that you are still fighting. I guess the main trouble (I think) is that we don't know how long a low period may last or- there's no reassurance that the effort we put into life will be rewarded. Plus- if it isn't all along the way- that can really get you down. Yeah, I know what you mean. I've had ideation for a very long time. Decades but- to varying intensities. I don't think the thoughts do go once they are so ingrained. But yeah- hope varies. Are you hanging on for your cats? I'm hanging on for my Dad.

 

[whereismymind?]

No, all I have is a personality disorder in cluster B but the doctors then shifted it to another group "unknown personality disorders".

I mean , from my experience and in my perspective the only way to thrive in this world - you have to become evil basically.

Evil is rewarded here and good people are punished.

I guess at this point it all comes down to your morals. Are you willing to become evil to feel good? I think that evil people are actually really miserable and unhappy, that's why they do evil things. I don't know what you've been through and what people in your life did to you. I do hope, if you want to get better, you surround yourself with positive things. I didn't say people cause there is much other things that bring peace (at least to me) I like working with cats and volountering for children with cancer. It doesn't mean I stop becoming suicidal. But at least I'm making a difference for these other beings and I can assure you it feels good.
I stayed awake all night reflecting on my life and where I am. So I got to this point I just told you about.

If you are looking for "help"/advice to continue existing then there is a recovery section on here for those who want that. But I feel like if people want to stay here or not then it's just not something for other people to decide, it's very much a personal decision, in my case I'd never want to decay from age in this cruel, undesirable existence but if other people wish to delay the inevitable then that's up to them. I don't really think other people can tell you what to do as that's not what the site is for and anyway other people aren't experiencing your existence anyway so it's not their decision.

I understand, I didn't really know where to write since I was leaning more to the "suicide side". I wasn't asking anyone what my decision should be, in my mind it was more like "what would you do in my shoes"
Thank you for the reply tho, maybe I will switch to the advice side of this site.

Wow- you've gone through a lot. I'm so sorry. Impressive that you are still fighting. I guess the main trouble (I think) is that we don't know how long a low period may last or- there's no reassurance that the effort we put into life will be rewarded. Plus- if it isn't all along the way- that can really get you down. Yeah, I know what you mean. I've had ideation for a very long time. Decades but- to varying intensities. I don't think the thoughts do go once they are so ingrained. But yeah- hope varies. Are you hanging on for your cats? I'm hanging on for my Dad.

Thank you, you are right. When there is a period where you feel really bad it seems like it will never go away and there is nothing worth staying. It truly fucks with your mind. Then when you feel a bit better you start noticing things that matter to you.
I'd say I'm hanging on for my cats, and my family. My mom has schizophrenia and she has been doing so good, she hasn't been hospitalized in two years! I can't imagine what it would to do her knowing I took my own life.
Sometimes only these two factors keep me here, but currently it's also curiosity for life and I feel good when I volunteer for others.
I do hope you find the same curiosity and a sense of worth.

 

[oddetoad]

I guess at this point it all comes down to your morals. Are you willing to become evil to feel good? I think that evil people are actually really miserable and unhappy, that's why they do evil things. I don't know what you've been through and what people in your life did to you. I do hope, if you want to get better, you surround yourself with positive things. I didn't say people cause there is much other things that bring peace (at least to me) I like working with cats and volountering for children with cancer. It doesn't mean I stop becoming suicidal. But at least I'm making a difference for these other beings and I can assure you it feels good.
I stayed awake all night reflecting on my life and where I am. So I got to this point I just told you about.

I understand, I didn't really know where to write since I was leaning more to the "suicide side". I wasn't asking anyone what my decision should be, in my mind it was more like "what would you do in my shoes"
Thank you for the reply tho, maybe I will switch to the advice side of this site.

Thank you, you are right. When there is a period where you feel really bad it seems like it will never go away and there is nothing worth staying. It truly fucks with your mind. Then when you feel a bit better you start noticing things that matter to you.
I'd say I'm hanging on for my cats, and my family. My mom has schizophrenia and she has been doing so good, she hasn't been hospitalized in two years! I can't imagine what it would to do her knowing I took my own life.
Sometimes only these two factors keep me here, but currently it's also curiosity for life and I feel good when I volunteer for others.
I do hope you find the same curiosity and a sense of worth.

No, you see that's the problem with this, it's not worth it to become evil. If you do, you'll surely regret it later. We're concious and we have a sense of morality.
This reality tries to make us into something we're not. It's unnatural.
This reality gives us an ultimatum and it's either that or you die (becoming a recluse , socially isolated etc just a slower death .. ) And I refuse to become evil. I refuse this reality.

Yes they're guaranteed not happy people but they've been forced into it.

Again, I'm not saying become evil, I hope you know thats not the right answer either, I'm just saying thats how this reality is setup. It rewards evil. Unfortunatley.
I hope that is clear in my post.

My health is getting worse everyday I feel I've gotten way way worse at writing but I hope it's fine.

ALSO , very important I forgot to add that it's YOUR choice. Nobody here can tell you what you should or shouldnt do and ultimately it's only you who can answer the thread question.

 

[LetMeBeSad]

Hi everyone, I'm very new here :')
I found about this site because my friends have been on here and they told me this is a trustworthy place to seek advice regarding my situation

So anyways... since I was 15 I've been struggling with mental health issues. I became very depressed, suicidal, anxious etc.
Since then, I've gotten better but then I fell in that dark headspace again... I sometimes struggle to find the point of continuing to exist. Lately my days have been unbearable. I've barely been moving, eating, leaving my room...which makes me think is this really a way to live? Should I end this suffering once and for all?
I've planned my suicide a few times before, but "chickened out". SI I guess.

Anyways, does this mean it's really my time to go?

Thanks for the advice

I can't tell you it will get better or worse. I cannot see the future. Both are possible. In my case, if I could go back and tell 8 year old me where the guns were and how to load them, I would currently not be here.