Does anyone want to die because too many people need things from then?

[Tintypographer]

I feel like I live on phone calls and conference calls and people needing things from me. It's soul crushing. I have had people cancel major projects to wait for me to be involved in three hour meetings. I hate talking to people, I hate making decisions for them and I hate being the person people come to with their problems. Every place I work and everything I do seems to have people who desperately want to have meetings with me and answer inane questions about problems with their projects. I just want to be a silent, single point individual contributor. I don't want anyone to know me, I don't want anyone to need things from me. All I think about is "if I were dead would you just have your work fail?" And then I want to die even more. I've left companies and they come back asking questions to get help with things. Anytime I start a new role I get pulled into doing things that place me in charge of telling people what to do when when I'm not a manager. I keep taking lower and lower jobs but keep winding up in places of more importance. I am a severe anxiety filled introvert and I don't understand why people want to have 1:1 meetings to get my perspective on projects and work. I had a post doc role once at a University and the professor told he that I had to do the following project and present at group meeting in four months. He didn't even speak for me in that four months: it was the most glorious, productivity filled four months of my life!! I don't care about credit, process, team crap or team unity. My only motivation is doing hard work and ensuring it is done correctly.

These constant calls where I seem to be the designated leader and person who answers questions are making me want to die.

 

[Symbiote]

Depends, many people need things from me and I help them out, but the one day that I needed something like a hug or someone to vent to and I all I get is complete silence or a "man up" pep talk makes me want to just CTB. I'm starting to realize the more I help people, the more I get shit on or told that I don't matter or I'm a non-priority. Sucks at times.

 

[WornOutLife]

That sounds exhausting.
I guess I feel a lot of pressure from my students who keep asking me things but I really enjoy helping them because teaching is my passion.

However, if more people needed another things from me, I couldn't cope with it. I even got away from my friends and family because I'm really lonely.

I can barely cope with myself.

Whatever happens, wish you the best, pal!

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

That sounds absolutely gut-wrenching, I can't imagine that level of pain. Sending hugs.

 

[russlinjimmies]

This is definitely a large part of why I'd like to ctb. I feel this both at work and with my relationships outside of work. I'm the one it seems most everyone I know depends upon and it seems like it never stop. It's truly exhausting feeling like I only exist to be a resource for others.

 

[TooConscious]

My elderly relatives always bad mouthed me behind my back, they would help my scrounging cousins and siblings, yet when I needed help, no one was there for me and I was left to rot on the streets.
Once I had myself together, they wanted me in their lives as their independence was wailing, the other family abandoned them after they'd took everything they could get, yet I do things to help them out of some shitty pity/conscience.

Trust me, there's no place for kindness in this evil species, being caring is a disease and pulls you down.
Just an hour in. Company and I'm zapped of any energy I may have had, it slowly deteriorated my health. Worse so the back stabbing, when your helping someone and paying with your health and they talk nasty behind your back.
That's humans.

 

[blue_muse]

Partly the reason, although I've come to realise that a few of the people who need things from me play at being helpless.

 

[BlankUser]

That's why it's good to set boundaries early. It's hard to do sometimes, but if you don't then people will push you and use you.

 

[blue_muse]

But, then, what to do when the people concerned play deaf and push past stated boundaries.

 

[Tintypographer]

I live my life with people continuously needing things and pushing past boundaries. Often my input and taking over a project is literally the only way someone has to finish a project.

 

[tiredplant777]

Honestly yeah. For me it isn't work too much now, but one of my jobs involved taking care of the elderly in their homes. I liked some parts of it, but it burnt me out. In general though I seem to be someone people rely on for emotional support and help. I am better with boundaries now, I won't talk or take a call if I don't want to, but it's still a strain, especially when my phone is buzzing from someone sending me messages about how things are hard for them rn. In the past it was so bad, once I was going through a lot and a friend freaked out at me because I couldn't hold space for her. I am moving to my own place to hopefully just be able to be alone with my own traumas. It's so incredibly heavy to be around people and their problems when I am constantly dealing with heavy trauma. It bothers me sometimes because I know a lot of people who know about my trauma don't see it as real. I have friends who will contact me on a regular basis to open up about stuff they are dealing with, and like on one hand it's cool they feel safe with me, but also sometimes I'm like really? Really? I am so traumatized and I've opened up to them about stuff, and they will have a moment where they are like woah, but it doesn't seem to sink in that I am dealing with this stuff everyday. I was staying with a friend for a bit recently. He opens up to me about a lot of stuff, which is ok, but then gave me a hard time about locking the door while I am home, and acted like it was super irrational. Like I don't know buddy you know I was abused by a serial killer and have endured stalkers and just being a woman in general is scary, but yeah sure locking the door is dumb. Every time someone who relies on me for support just totally forgets about the shit I've been through I get so drained and I wanna die. I get people are into their own stuff but still.

 

[watchingthewheels]

Yup. I was once in the hospital for what I thought was a heart attack while caring for my handicapped brother and sick mother, who was abusive. Turned out it was a panic attack brought on by excessive stress and guilt and running myself ragged. I was receiving phone calls during my followup appointment with my doctor. Once, when I had the flu, I stopped by briefly to help, said I had to go cause I was sick, and was guilted with "well, I'm sick, toooo!!!!" Wore my engine out going across state contantly, leaving me carless, and was guilted when I couldn't get there "because she neeeded mee!!!" Etc, etc, all while talking crap about me behind my back for not doing enough.

This is why Atlas shrugged.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds very stressful, what you are going through. If I had to deal with such intense pressure then I would not be able to cope. I have always been the type of person who has struggled in stressful situations and it has made me feel ill in the past. It can be awful when others place expectations on you. I have never been able to meet them.