Does anyone on here doubting the existence of true love?

[Stoldy]

I definitely think it's a myth. I'm almost beginning to believe humans weren't designed to love someone that long in the first place.

 

[gizzreid]

i think it exists, but i don't think it always lasts. i don't trust true love, though i believe in it. it's there, it's real, but whether or not it'll be forever is up for debate. in my case, it didn't last cause i'm a selfish asshole and i'm breaking that cycle soon with my death. true love is for mentally healthy people

 

[EmmaD]

As I sit here, lonely and doubting a lot currently, I wonder if anyone here believes in true love. I did, until my heart was crushed and now I don't. I don't really talk to women that aren't my family anymore as I doubt I could handle that pain again, it led me to a failed attempt last time. I still have so much from my ex that I can't bring myself to get rid of. Notes, paintings, gifts, and probably the worst of it, 2 big ass signs I held up to support her at a school event (she was in color guard and we made the signs together) that I have on my wall. I tried to take them down once but began crying pretty intensely.

Anyways, as a result of this heartbreak and not being able to let go, I don't know if I believe that true love exists, anyone else here feel the same?

Well.. it depends how you define true love. Do you mean that there is one person you are meant to be with? Or soulmates or something? I don't believe in that at all. I'm happily married but I truly believe 'love' is a combination of factors including sexual attraction, enjoying one another's company, caring about one another and respect for each others beliefs/ differences. Luck in finding someone who ticks these boxes is a massive factor. I had 2 shit marriages to absolute wankers before I met someone who was right for me.

 

[FadingFast2023]

I could have wrote what you did. You are not alone.

 

[unsaiddes]

I think it probably exists for some people but not everybody. I don't think I'm capable of experiencing that, and others have expressed the same sentiment.

I've definitely had crushes but the thought of spending the majority of my time with one other person, being expected to talk to them and show them affection regularly makes me uncomfortable. Even if they were my "dream" person, no thank you. I'm even currently in a relationship and I care for them deeply, but it's not true love by any means.

 

[bluville]

No, I think there are plenty of people who can be described as im love but it's all comes down to luck. Meeting the right person at the right time, if you have a lot of obstacles in your life it becomes less likely.

 

[Saudade]

As I sit here, lonely and doubting a lot currently, I wonder if anyone here believes in true love. I did, until my heart was crushed and now I don't. I don't really talk to women that aren't my family anymore as I doubt I could handle that pain again, it led me to a failed attempt last time. I still have so much from my ex that I can't bring myself to get rid of. Notes, paintings, gifts, and probably the worst of it, 2 big ass signs I held up to support her at a school event (she was in color guard and we made the signs together) that I have on my wall. I tried to take them down once but began crying pretty intensely.

Anyways, as a result of this heartbreak and not being able to let go, I don't know if I believe that true love exists, anyone else here feel the same?

I think it depends on your definiton of true love. Some say true love is this infite, deep connection you have with someone but maybe it's not. It also depends if you see true love as something that has to be reciprocated to the same level... Some love more than others, does that mean it's not true love?

Personally, I do think true love is possible. Some will encounter it, some won't. True love for me is a soulmate. I found this defintion of what a soulmate is: it's someone you have a strong connection with, who gives you a sense of peace and rightness and yet challenges you to grow and be the best version of yourself.

 

[SpiderLink]

As I sit here, lonely and doubting a lot currently, I wonder if anyone here believes in true love. I did, until my heart was crushed and now I don't. I don't really talk to women that aren't my family anymore as I doubt I could handle that pain again, it led me to a failed attempt last time. I still have so much from my ex that I can't bring myself to get rid of. Notes, paintings, gifts, and probably the worst of it, 2 big ass signs I held up to support her at a school event (she was in color guard and we made the signs together) that I have on my wall. I tried to take them down once but began crying pretty intensely.

Anyways, as a result of this heartbreak and not being able to let go, I don't know if I believe that true love exists, anyone else here feel the same?

I'm aroace so I have no idea

 

[Unattainable666]

I believe I'm a bit older than most on here and therefore have a few more miles on me. I don't believe there is a true love and quite honestly I doubt that two humans can love each other. I love my cat - that's as far as I can attest to.

 

[SexyIncél]

Another thought! Many spend years learning a trade/profession, just to be good enough to work on a good team

So that's work. How about love? They don't offer university courses on the most important part of your life. So people expect ridiculous things like "spontaneous" love that took zero preparation/engineering

"Does true love exist?" is worse than "How to find and build true love?" Who is willing to truly care deeply about someone, not just sloppily fulfill base urges till they die?

How long will you spend learning to be fun for a broad range of people? To increase pleasure, decrease suffering, demonstrating deep respect? So when luck strikes, you'll win the excitement of someone great for you? And have stuff you'll both enjoy doing?

If someone did that, wouldn't you like to know them? Or is it just me...

 

[_Red_]

I think true love is possible but not everyone will experience it… I also think many are blinded by what they believe to be true love but isn't. Which confuses the actual meaning of true love. If that even makes sens…

 

[Duochrome-Seahorse]

after years of thinking about relationships and love as a concept, love to me is a privilege a lot of people don't exactly get. like how parents have expectations of what they want their child to be in order for them to seem lovable, only to be disappointed of what they got. the word love is used so loosely with people that when someone says they love me I just feel, indifferent.

I've been in relationships where my s/o would say that they love me, only for the reason is that I do things for them no one else wanted to do, mistaking it for love. love can come off intimate, showing respect, liking something, to the point where I question if I should take love as hard as I used to. it's just, a word.

the real "love" that I most definitely like is consistency, action, and communication. a commitment that no matter how rough the road is, they still feel the same as they did when they first met me. to have a love so resilient is a huuuugggeeee privilege nowadays that might as well treat it like a fairytale. tho if the opportunity comes, I wouldn't hesitate to try just a little. I'm just worried the person who's confessing to me doesn't know what they want.

 

[The Unpenetrated]

True love is most fake most scammy thing in this world. It doesn't exist. If God himself cannot provide us with it (which he definitely didn't), then none of us have an iota of chance to.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Have you observed any couples that you'd consider "true love"? I'm guessing your definition's strong enough to exclude "lifelong relationships". Into "soulmate" territory

Hmm maybe the question isn't about the relationship itself, but in finding The One? That is, someone you can joyfully explore the universe with for a lifetime? Those exist. I'm not sure it's feasible to convert someone who's definitely NOT the-one into the-one. In the very first conversation with someone, it may be very apparent if she's potentially the-one

I might have, I can't quite be sure if they're "true love" but it's withstood the test of time and lasted as they've matured. I do believe in "the one", and I think if you look, you'll eventually find someone to fit your puzzle I suppose.

I definitely think it's a myth. I'm almost beginning to believe humans weren't designed to love someone that long in the first place.

Evolutionarily-speaking, monogamy doesn't make a whole lot of sense but it does at the same time. It's confusing for sure and not something I understand enough to speak on.

Well.. it depends how you define true love. Do you mean that there is one person you are meant to be with? Or soulmates or something? I don't believe in that at all. I'm happily married but I truly believe 'love' is a combination of factors including sexual attraction, enjoying one another's company, caring about one another and respect for each others beliefs/ differences. Luck in finding someone who ticks these boxes is a massive factor. I had 2 shit marriages to absolute wankers before I met someone who was right for me.

So it's complicated, I guess my definition would be a love that can withstand trials and time, not just soulmates, love has to be built on in my opinion. I'm glad you found someone though.

I could have wrote what you did. You are not alone.

Thank you, I'm sorry you're going through something similar as well.

I think it depends on your definiton of true love. Some say true love is this infite, deep connection you have with someone but maybe it's not. It also depends if you see true love as something that has to be reciprocated to the same level... Some love more than others, does that mean it's not true love?

Personally, I do think true love is possible. Some will encounter it, some won't. True love for me is a soulmate. I found this defintion of what a soulmate is: it's someone you have a strong connection with, who gives you a sense of peace and rightness and yet challenges you to grow and be the best version of yourself.

True love could be completely different from person to person I imagine, as it's not a one size fits all type thing. I do not think that true love must be reciprocated at the same level, as long as there is any sort of love, as people show love in various ways. I also like your definition of a soulmate, it feels accurate.

Another thought! Many spend years learning a trade/profession, just to be good enough to work on a good team

So that's work. How about love? They don't offer university courses on the most important part of your life. So people expect ridiculous things like "spontaneous" love that took zero preparation/engineering

"Does true love exist?" is worse than "How to find and build true love?" Who is willing to truly care deeply about someone, not just sloppily fulfill base urges till they die?

How long will you spend learning to be fun for a broad range of people? To increase pleasure, decrease suffering, demonstrating deep respect? So when luck strikes, you'll win the excitement of someone great for you? And have stuff you'll both enjoy doing?

If someone did that, wouldn't you like to know them? Or is it just me...

I suppose you're correct there. I do think that there needs to be effort, as going into a relationship not ready to put effort because you think it's "true love" feels like it will surely fail. I don't think you need to learn how to be fun to most people, just to be fun to people who you think will be fun to you.

I think true love is possible but not everyone will experience it… I also think many are blinded by what they believe to be true love but isn't. Which confuses the actual meaning of true love. If that even makes sens…

It makes sense, the meaning is a complicated one for sure.

 

[SexyIncél]

I don't think you need to learn how to be fun to most people, just to be fun to people who you think will be fun to you.

Yeah, good point. Maybe I should've said it in terms of "broadening" strategies. Examples:

• communicate better: more people discover your interests are like theirs
• be generally helpful, with integrity: more people like and trust you
• learn certain things in philosophy: many of your understandings apply more generally

Everyone seems to agree there's a huge luck component. Which means chance. These would up the probability of discovering good companions

And you're basically becoming someone's teammate. Good teammate skills help

I guess there's a deeper question: many societies are structured that families are supposed to love its members unconditionally. So you can be any weirdo, but still be in the family. (As long as you do some basic things.) But "relationships" are different. They're meant to be nuclear-family-forming, and you're supposed to find a fellow founder. Definitely not unconditional

Obviously, these are just ideals that many don't live up to, and many cultures are different: polyamory, arranged marriages...

 

[Kyuumin]

I believe in true love, but I also believe it's not something everyone will have in their life. And I'm one of these people

Not that I care anymore

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Yeah, good point. Maybe I should've said it in terms of "broadening" strategies. Examples:

• communicate better: more people discover your interests are like theirs
• be generally helpful, with integrity: more people like and trust you
• learn certain things in philosophy: many of your understandings apply more generally

Everyone seems to agree there's a huge luck component. Which means chance. These would up the probability of discovering good companions

And you're basically becoming someone's teammate. Good teammate skills help

I guess there's a deeper question: many societies are structured that families are supposed to love its members unconditionally. So you can be any weirdo, but still be in the family. (As long as you do some basic things.) But "relationships" are different. They're meant to be nuclear-family-forming, and you're supposed to find a fellow founder. Definitely not unconditional

Obviously, these are just ideals that many don't live up to, and many cultures are different: polyamory, arranged marriages...

Ahh okay, that makes more sense. Those traits are definitely helpful in making you more likeable and approachable (in my opinion at least).

And I agree, a relationship is essentially all teamwork, if one person is putting in all the work, it will fail sooner or later.

I believe our ideas/mindsets on this matter are fairly similar, although you word it far better than I'm able to do. I also agree that relationships and family are very different. Me and my family think differently on some core values, but we're still family. You can have different values but when the core values are different, I feel it would be much harder, especially if the two are stubborn in their stance and bash their partner's beliefs.

On a slightly different topic, arranged marriages always seemed so strange to me but who am I to question different cultures honestly.

 

[leavingsoon99]

I, tragically, learned that so-called true love doesn't exists. Humans don't have permanent love, but permanent interests. If you're functional to meeting their interests, you'll have their love. Whatever those interests may be.

 

[SantaTeresa]

The only reciprocal love I experienced was parental, but even that is fading quickly.
Time, distance, failure, and disappointment will all make light work of whatever human bond you deem unbreakable.
I grew to rationalise love to a mere appreciation due to benefice and circumstances, once these two expire, so does love.

 

[xanga]

As I sit here, lonely and doubting a lot currently, I wonder if anyone here believes in true love. I did, until my heart was crushed and now I don't. I don't really talk to women that aren't my family anymore as I doubt I could handle that pain again, it led me to a failed attempt last time. I still have so much from my ex that I can't bring myself to get rid of. Notes, paintings, gifts, and probably the worst of it, 2 big ass signs I held up to support her at a school event (she was in color guard and we made the signs together) that I have on my wall. I tried to take them down once but began crying pretty intensely.

Anyways, as a result of this heartbreak and not being able to let go, I don't know if I believe that true love exists, anyone else here feel the same?

i actually keep believing on true love , but , you need to find a person who ACTUALLY care about you and love you , thing that nowdays seems impossible

 

[WorthlessTrash]

It exists. Just not for me, and fair enough. I plan to CTB eventually so it's better no one gets attached to me.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

i actually keep believing on true love , but , you need to find a person who ACTUALLY care about you and love you , thing that nowdays seems impossible

Yeah I haven't found someone yet, I probably won't anytime soon either

 

[Archness]

No.

Impossible, too autistic for it to rly happen. The time someone "loved" me was so they had someone in their depression... I abandoned them, not wanting to deal with their problems as my own just started to sprout. I loved someone, but they couldn't feel the same due to my stupidity and weirdness.

Atleast I got what I deserved.

I don't think "true love" is a possibility for me... It would always be false. It's another process in the brain that I can never do properly.

 

[agonysgrin]

The way I see it, it's better to have loved then to have never loved at all.

I definitely think it's a myth. I'm almost beginning to believe humans weren't designed to love someone that long in the first place.

I think so too, and if u do love them it's not forever. My soulmate since elementary died of cirrhosis in his 30s. The father of my kids shot himself last year. So many friends gone too some just accidental it's a mess. So anyone that cannot accept death for what it is just needs to take a long look at the world and ask themselves why and what does it matter. Who am I to not take control and leave w dignity. I've watched to many sick ppl wither away. I just don't see why others can't just bring themselves to accept that perspective. Some ppl want honor or peace. Not to be trapped somewhere suffering.

 

[ggetout33]

As I sit here, lonely and doubting a lot currently, I wonder if anyone here believes in true love. I did, until my heart was crushed and now I don't. I don't really talk to women that aren't my family anymore as I doubt I could handle that pain again, it led me to a failed attempt last time. I still have so much from my ex that I can't bring myself to get rid of. Notes, paintings, gifts, and probably the worst of it, 2 big ass signs I held up to support her at a school event (she was in color guard and we made the signs together) that I have on my wall. I tried to take them down once but began crying pretty intensely.

Anyways, as a result of this heartbreak and not being able to let go, I don't know if I believe that true love exists, anyone else here feel the same?

I stopped believing in "true love" years ago.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

I stopped believing in "true love" years ago.

I can understand and respect that. I don't even know where I stand honestly.

 

[Vizzy]

Everything is a transaction, there is no true love!

 

[nureinFuchs]

I do belive, but unfortunely to some folks they are unlucky enough to don't find them