Does anyone not feel guilty for the people they are leaving behind

[ctbUniquectb]

I've felt guilt about everything in my life. I've historically done much for others and little for myself. Others have, with honorable exception, done little for me.

I'm not happy they'll hurt, but they'll move on. I, on the other hand, am addressing multiple permanent problems much more serious than missing someone.

 

[Never Free]

To explain better...it's not that I don't feel bad. I feel horrifically guilty all the time but mostly i do not understand why anyone would be affected my my suicide. I feel more guilty that I have tried to CTB so many times and failed. That is what I feel bad about. The stress and panic that has caused. I hate myself so much and feel like such a terrible person that even when I am told they will be way worse off without me I simply do not believe it. I know they will be better without me. They are the ones that are in denial and wrong. I am such a mess and know I can't get better. I know what caused my problems and that I cannot get over that trauma and that the pain surrounding it has made me relentless in trying to end my life. I think they are actually deluding themselves that it won't be better when I am gone. So in that sense no I don't feel bad because I know they are wrong that they will feel worse off without me. I don't want them to think I did this without any concern for their well being but if they think that is the case and they hate me for that then it is almost preferential because it would make it easier for them. I am a lost cause so whatever makes it easier for them is ok with me. Do I want them to hate me and think I was selfish, of course not, but I know it is not only the only option for me to die but also better for everyone else in the long run so if that is they way it has to be, I guess it is ok.

I feel like a lot of people really hate me. Have a 2 yr old family member I'm really worried about. Had thought when he was a baby this could be terrible, if he was old enough to realize I was gone. Just remember getting picked up at my apartment. Him crying his eyes out, and putting my finger his hands. Just needed so much. Thought by not having any kids of my own I could avoid this. So much needs at that age, and really throughout. Couldn't abandon them, even when they were independent. Would just be such a blow if I left them like that.

I feel equally guilty and not guilty. Guilty for the pain I'll cause but not guilty because I feel like a burden and feel like they will be better off in the long run without me here.. tbh I'm getting to the point where what I think about other people's feelings isn't going to even come into it..

Ironically my path to steady death has probably caused me to be a burden. Though everyone I live with hated me, and thinks I'm garbage, so they don't realize my change in mental state from the neuro damage I'm probably getting from malnourished/ metabolic damage. I'm trying to get Refeeding Syndrome. Feel like I'm a nightmare a lot of the time, but this is precisely how they see me

 

[nigelhernandez]

I hate the term "left behind". I find it quite insulting to people who die by suicide.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I hate the term "left behind". I find it quite insulting to people who die by suicide.

Curious as to why you find it insulting, and what terms you would find to be appropriate.

 

[nigelhernandez]

I just think it obliges the suicidal person to stay for other people which is not what should happen.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I just think it obliges the suicidal person to stay for other people which is not what should happen.

Well then how do you recommend those who are impacted refer to themselves in relation to the person who has left them via suicide? The suicide is a major event for them as well as for the one who does it.

 

[I’mDone]

I would feel guilt if I felt that there would be any negative impact on people. I am so completely worthless that most people will be relieved when I'm gone, that they don't have to pretend to like me any more. Those to whom I'm useful will be looked after in my will. Maybe when they receive their inheritance they might like me for a while. The only reason for anybody to regret my passing is that I won't be there to run around doing chores for them.

 

[OhItsZemblanity]

I want to CTB for multitudes of reasons and when I do ultimately come to the when, where, and how, it will be my decision alone. I allowed my cousin 1 chance to help me based on a promise. She did. Now that I'm no longer beholden to that promise, I can with all confidence say that I would not feel guilty about the effect of my passing. Everyone I know will have a tough go of it, but will ultimately move past it. Except perhaps my father. But he's just as ready to CTB as I am.

 

[muffin222]

I don't feel guilty. It is what it is

 

[laserfocus111]

Just guilty that I'm leaving behind a very sad 3 year old son behind very soon..

 

[Genetics]

I have a husband of 30 years, a daughter, a son, and 3 beautiful grandson (3, 7, & 10) and a brother.

The only people I'm concerned about are the 2 older grandsons. They are brothers and live in my town so I have massive contact with them. Tell the truth I'm their only normal grandmother.

That I feel bad about but then I think of my mental health issues and how the others on my list have been affected by them. I think of my childhood trauma, my gang rape in the Navy and everything else that's happened in my life after that.

I'm not afraid to be dead. I mean, you're dead, you're not self aware, there is nothing anymore but nothingness. Sounds glorious to me.

I fear dying just a bit depending on the method chosen. I'm leaning toward following in my dad's footsteps and use inert gas. It just seems much more painless and peaceful (he used helium from Party City). I will also video tape the entire act. I worry that the useless police will latch onto him as a murderer and with their ineptness he would be in trouble then.

I will leave a note for him to not touch any of the setup, call the cops and let them sort it out.

So my question, to myself, is can I wait 11 years for the 7 year old to be an adult? I've waited 59 years so far so I might be able to. Depends on my pesky PTSD and bi-polar.