Does anyone miss who they used to be?

[blanketyblk]

I miss the chance to see the women i was turning into. by all accounts she was looking pretty darn good. great job. healthy life. friends, loving partner. but all that when one afternoon. and it's never coming back. i miss being the person i could of been. the memory of an idea of my better self.

 

[okaoki]

i miss the 10 year ago me , naive young , working hard even though it's tough alot of humiliating moments
alot mistakes ,alot better than what i'm currently at.

 

[Thinkinaboutit]

I remember 12 to 18 years ago when I was in college, when my biological mother was alive, when the world seemed limitless, before my idiot father decided to marry a crazy woman who directs a great deal of her control freak energy at me; when I was full of energy and confidence and foolish enough to think that I could make a sucess in this world. The years 2001-2007 when I attended undergraduate and graduate school were really like a golden age in my life that I will never get back.

I wish I could go back to the time when I had two coronary arteries that were 95 percent blocked. In December 2017, I was about 5 days away from a scheduled open heart surgery when I awoke in the early morning and had a blood pressure that was in heart attack/stroke territory. Silly me, I had to get medical attention and not let nature take its course.

 

[Quitter]

I used to have so much fun, and actual friends. I wasn't popular or anything, back then being a geeky metalhead girl wasn't cool yet, but I met some seriously awesome people. I was so damn passionate about things. Now I'm just.. meh.

 

[Darkhaven]

I was always a different and troubled kid, but i sure wish i could go back 3 years in time and continue to live from there, as long as i would end getting on the same path i currently am.
I was strong, healthy, had a sharper and smarter mind.
Nowadays i'm a shadow of my former self and i sincerely wish this ends soon.

 

[Throwaway9787]

Yeah my life was much better around 2012

 

[Final Escape]

I miss myself from like 2000. Life was pretty fun then, chaotic but still a lot better than now. I'm now a boring middle age lady :(

 

[Wayfaerer]

Yeah my life was much better around 2012

That was the worst year of my life overall (until 2018-2019)

 

[Élégie]

I wish I could go back in time when I was around 15-16... I had so much potential and I still had some hope left... Life wasn't perfect of course, but it was bearable.
I miss the old me.

 

[Supersadmommy90]

Missing who I used to be is one of my main reasons for CTB. At 30 I'm smashing into the wall hard as a woman, I struck out in love twice and now my beauty is all but gone and I'm stuck in a situation so shitty that I'm not sure I want to be around for too much more of it. I could have been happy at some point but all the decisions have already been made and this is it for me.

 

[Painpleasure]

I have never truly experienced happiness. Much of my adult life was spent in suffering and battling various medical conditions.

I fear I have become incompatible with happiness. When suffering enough, the struggle becomes a place of abode and place of comfort due it's familiarity.

 

[Zal]

While yes, it would be easier to just continue life the way I was earlier to its natural conclusion, if I had the choice, I would want to never return to my former self again. Since I desire truth above convenience.

 

[Fallen_From_Grace]

All the time. Abuse changed me. Old me had a chance at making something out of themselves. I had some scrapes and bruises mentally but nothing I could have gotten over. 6 years of multiple abusive relationships later and I'm flat out broken now. I'm so changed from the person I used to be. She was courageous, ambitious, a bit naive sure, but despite everything she had drive. She saw the bright side to everything and wasn't afraid to stand up for herself when something wasn't right. Now? The person I see is a shell of who I used to be. I'm a paranoid, anxious, depressed doormat. When I try and get back to the old me my husband knows just how to break me down into being scared and compliant and worthless and useless again. I miss who I used to be but I have to accept that I'll never see her again.

 

[hadenoughthanks]

I have never truly experienced happiness. Much of my adult life was spent in suffering and battling various medical conditions.

I fear I have become incompatible with happiness. When suffering enough, the struggle becomes a place of abode and place of comfort due it's familiarity.

I really agree with this

All the time. Abuse changed me. Old me had a chance at making something out of themselves. I had some scrapes and bruises mentally but nothing I could have gotten over. 6 years of multiple abusive relationships later and I'm flat out broken now. I'm so changed from the person I used to be. She was courageous, ambitious, a bit naive sure, but despite everything she had drive. She saw the bright side to everything and wasn't afraid to stand up for herself when something wasn't right. Now? The person I see is a shell of who I used to be. I'm a paranoid, anxious, depressed doormat. When I try and get back to the old me my husband knows just how to break me down into being scared and compliant and worthless and useless again. I miss who I used to be but I have to accept that I'll never see her again.

is your husband abusive? I'm so sorry to hear that

 

[Wayfaerer]

I miss my 10-year-old self so much. If he knew where he ended up and how it would've blown his mind away.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

Absolutely. I used to have a future ahead of me, I had passions, I felt happiness, I had hope and wasn't in pain. I look at pics of myself pre trauma, abuse, mental/physical issues and mourn that person. Life was at least tolerable then.

Accepting that I can no longer be who I was is devastating but what hurts just as much is the people in my life thinking I can be that person again. They say "but you used to be this/do that"....

 

[Ky204]

Sometimes I get physically ill when I think about what I used to be and compare it to how much I've deteriorated over the years. It's best to live in blissful ignorance sometimes other then acknowledging something you can't change anymore.

 

[Dreamwithinadream]

Yes. I can hardly remember what it's like not to be in pain. I used to have hopes and dreams.

 

[BlessedOffal]

Accepting that I can no longer be who I was is devastating but what hurts just as much is the people in my life thinking I can be that person again. They say "but you used to be this/do that"....

To me it hurts much more because it makes it real. It's been over a decade since I was the person they remember, and they all want me back. But people change. It's expected that change is for the better, positively evolving. I hate being a poster-child for the opposite, but here I am.

 

[SickSadWorld]

I'm completely different than at the beginning of this year. I somehow managed to completely sabotage my life. I would do anything to go back to the person I was. I thought it would have been easier to CTB so I didn't care about myself at all. I ruined any relationship I barely had with other people. I was awful to my own parents. I resent them for placing me in a pysch ward on the first day of summer because it made it my situation so much worse. it made me relive the past and was entirely humiliating. I can't even believe what happened to me and what I've done to myself. I drove myself completely insane. My only friend is the constant ringing in my ears. I'm completely disturbed now. My health has deteriorated. I also ruined my hygeine and looks and live more like an animal than a human. There is no joy anymore. Ive been inside for almost half a year which has also driven me insane. I spend all my time alone trapped in my thoughts. Always in bed on my phone watching videos or on this forum. I'm too disgusting to be around anyone. too embarassed to go out in public. I don't know how I live in constant torture. Time just keeps passing. I will miss who I was forever. I hope I find relief soon.

 

[mk47]

I'm completely different than at the beginning of this year. I somehow managed to completely sabotage my life. I would do anything to go back to the person I was. I thought it would have been easier to CTB so I didn't care about myself at all. I ruined any relationship I barely had with other people. I was awful to my own parents. I resent them for placing me in a pysch ward on the first day of summer because it made it my situation so much worse. it made me relive the past and was entirely humiliating. I can't even believe what happened to me and what I've done to myself. I drove myself completely insane. My only friend is the constant ringing in my ears. I'm completely disturbed now. My health has deteriorated. I also ruined my hygeine and looks and live more like an animal than a human. There is no joy anymore. Ive been inside for almost half a year which has also driven me insane. I spend all my time alone trapped in my thoughts. Always in bed on my phone watching videos or on this forum. I'm too disgusting to be around anyone. too embarassed to go out in public. I don't know how I live in constant torture. Time just keeps passing. I will miss who I was forever. I hope I find relief soon.

This resonates with me man. I know this pain and you sound like my doppelgänger.

 

[MeltingHeart]

I've been depressed for 22 years. I have tried so hard to live a life with bipolar. I've got to a point in my life now where medication that once saved me is no longer working. That's why I joined this forum. Not ready to go just yet but when I do I want to do it properly and pain free.

so sorry-it so sad/ bad that there seems to be so so many types of anti-d's out there-but some types of bipolar seem untreatable :( I saw a documentary about this clinic that uses enforced sleep deprivation that had helped previously 'untreatable' people with bi polar, have you tried much alternative stuff? sorry if thats a silly/ obvious question, its extreme but do some doctors ever still use EST? also this thing called DBS (deep brain stimulation) has also been known to help treatment-resistant depression

 

[jayfox]

Been sick all my life, miss walking out in the sun..

I miss it every day

 

[vonvonwantpeace]

That was the worst year of my life overall (until 2018-2019)

same 2012! Hated every minute of it. I was bullied, health issues etc.

 

[qwerty32]

I miss the one who enjoyed being single who use their alone time to do whatever they wanted. Yes there were times I was bored, but I allowed myself to be bored because it was a part of my life.
But after the breakup I haven't been myself. Yes I try to tell myself give time to allow it to heal...... I'm tired of waiting to heal..... I'm tired of waiting for someone to fill that void..... Some time in my life I told myself after turning 30, I experience enough of life where if the grim reaper came and told me it was time for me, I would follow along.

 

[GoBack]

Yeah I miss it so much I'm starting to forget who I was. Ironically I think it's because I was so resistant to some natural changes in life a few years ago. I stubbornly refused to accept them and now made myself and my situation worse than I ever imagined could happen

 

[BPD Barbie]

Yes! Every day! Sometimes she comes out for a moment but it never lasts. I miss her. I hope the real me is doing OK wherever she is. Reminds me of a Nicki Minaj song called Dear Old Nicki.

 

[Pryras]

I regret many choices I've made in the past and present but I never miss who I was back then. I was super naive up until recently and had to learn the hard way that people suck.

 

[morningdew]

yes, everyday. loss on all levels. much less optimistic

 

[throwaway_accountbro]

Absolutely, it's a reason I want to die... Either I'll escape the person I become into an endless void, or (and hopefully this) I'll be reborn, given another chance to be better than who I was.