Discussion Does anyone lowkey want someone to stop them from CTBing?

[whenwillthepainstop]

i wish to be saved all the time. I beg and beg but everyone disregards me. i guess im really unneeded in the world. no one really bothers with me, so i feel like its time for me to start working on a real plan to leave. i wish someone would love me enough to save me. i just want a better life. i dont wanna die but living its just survival. i havent lived in years. Adding: its bad but i genuinely just want to attempt and die and then come back to life as if its temporary. I want to attempt and it fail so people will love me again, but i know the consequences will make it harder for me to attempt in the future so i will make it a one and done. Ive tried to ctb over 20 times and i always fail or chicken out. Its really pathetic. Hopefully i can get SN and finally go for a ride.

You're not pathetic, I understand you. I think everyone here understands each other, at least more than a normal person ever could. If you don't truly wanna die deep down and like you said you want temporary suicide, something that helps me is pretending sleep is temporary suicide. If you're an atheist like me and believe death is literally just nothingness because you're unconscious, sleep is a good simulation for that unless you have dreams but even then dreams can be thought of as the brain playing a bunch of mixed memories from your life for a couple minutes until it fully dies. You may think this is stupid because you know you'll wake up and at first I thought that too, but suicide has so many risks and consequences I don't wanna deal with. Instead of thinking that you'll just wake up from sleep so it's pointless, think that sleep is like suicide but with zero negative consequences and zero chance of getting caught. This should help a bit

i really, really relate to this post. it sums up how i feel about suicide completely. it's literally so hard for me to man up and schedule my suicide note email to my friend because a part of him is waiting for him to text me something like "hey, i love you man. i don't want you to die" and then i'll wipe my tears and say "ok i won't do it". makes me feel like a baby. what is help? how do i get help? i'm unmedicated, have no therapist, and i don't even believe in psychiatry. my parents have just been telling me they want me to die because they're tired of me. it's kind of a lose-lose situation if you have no irl support system.

I can't get help right now either due to circumstances so I feel you. But if you have the money I suggest at least trying, the worst that happens is it doesn't work.

 

[Forveleth]

Nah, I am done living. When I make my attempt it will be because I genuinely want death.

 

[Merocero]

I can relate, i want someone to notice my struggles and help me somehow, but that wont happen,,