Does anyone in your life know you are suicidal?

[Mia Wallace]

How many people here go about there lives faking it to everyone (minus the ones you are closest to?)
I work and am a top performer at my company, I have my acquaintances and my life to them would seemingly be good. I can joke around and "put it on" long enough for work and the occasional going out w a co-worker, but behind closed doors I'm a complete and utter mess.
The only people who know I struggle with depression and severe insomnia would be my dad, sister, brother and 2 of my closest friends but even then they don't know I am actively suicidal.
I am at my breaking point right now. Barely hanging on and nobody knows. I'm so grateful for this site and everyone here who has allowed me to vent my true feelings and have shown their support. It definitely gives comfort to know I'm not alone dealing with this although I wish none of us had to suffer in this way. Sending love to each and every one of you tonight

 

[Life_and_Death]

The list of who doesn't is shorter (my grandfather and my little brothers). EVERYONE knows.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

No one knows in my life. There is no one to know. Sad, isn't it?

 

[Mia Wallace]

The list of who doesn't is shorter (my grandfather and my little brothers). EVERYONE

The list of who doesn't is shorter (my grandfather and my little brothers). EVERYONE knows.

Did you feel better opening up about it?

 

[Life_and_Death]

Did you feel better opening up about it?

Nope.

 

[Mia Wallace]

No one knows in my life. There is no one to know. Sad, isn't it?

No one knows in my life. There is no one to know. Sad, isn't it?

Yeah it is sad and I send you my love. I have found most people are shit though anyways (my fam) and I basically keep myself withdrawn from this world as much as I can these days

 

[Hope:-)]

Nope. They'd think I wasn't 'brave' enough anyway.

 

[Mia Wallace]

Nope. They'd think I wasn't 'brave' enough anyway.

What shit. So sorry hope :/

 

[Sunny-Pia]

No one knows in my life. There is no one to know. Sad, isn't

Do u mean literally like no one? No siblings?

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Do u mean literally like no one? No siblings?

That's what I mean. No siblings. No parents. No cousins. No Aunts. No Uncles. No friends. No co-workers. I have neighbors, though. They don't know. This alone is a big reason I have to go. I have cousins who live in far-away cities that I haven't had contact with in decades. I don't even know how to get in touch with them, even if I wanted to.

 

[Jrmull1993]

That's what I mean. No siblings. No parents. No cousins. No Aunts. No Uncles. No friends. No co-workers. I have neighbors, though. They don't know. This alone is a big reason I have to go.

I'm sorry your going through that. Always here to chat if needed.

 

[Hollowman]

My mom knows and it breaks her heart she can't do anything about it. Fortunately for me she realizes the psych ward won't do me any good.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I'm sorry your going through that. Always here to chat if needed.

Thanks for that. I guess life has dealt us all some type of blow. It is what it is. I guess you all know I'm suicidal, so I guess virtual friends know.

 

[BitterlyAlive_]

To be honest, my irl friends at the time knew a couple of years ago. I framed it so they wouldn't realize how "urgent" it was, but I decided to tell them that I would likely kill myself within the next 'couple of years'. They were very accepting. I told them because I trusted them and wanted to prepare them.

I also have friends from here that know ofc. And that's it.

 

[Sunny-Pia]

That's what I mean. No siblings. No parents. No cousins. No Aunts. No Uncles. No friends. No co-workers. I have neighbors, though. They don't know. This alone is a big reason I have to go. I have cousins who live in far-away cities that I haven't had contact with in decades. I don't even know how to get in touch with them, even if I wanted to.

I'm sorry my friend. Do u have any pets?

 

[Lily (Osako)]

I just told the first person today and surprisingly they are very supportive.
They know my circumstances and understand.
I was afraid to say anything to anyone but I feel such a relief that I did.
I won't be telling anyone else, though.

 

[outatime_85]

My family has an inkling but no solid idea of the depths of despair I am in, nor about the nightmares every night, etc.

Whenever they do happen to have to interact with me, they are none the wiser.

Furthermore, I would not tell them everything I'm thinking anyway, since their standard response is "they have their own problems."

So I keep a stock pile of everything is fine masks and a stock pile of I got it covered masks.

 

[Lily (Osako)]

No one knows in my life. There is no one to know. Sad, isn't it?

I wasn't going to tell anyone bc I didn't want anyone trying to talk me out of it or try to have a dr intervene.
Today I told one person.
I'm comfortable with my decision, but I could have gone on without saying anything and had been fine.
It's scary trusting anyone with that sort of information.
Sending you a big hug.

 

[slushy]

I've told some of my online friends. I guess it's easier to tell them because it has no consequences to my life irl. Like I can't get in trouble or anything if that makes sense. And communicating over text is also easier for me

I've tried to bring it up to my mom a couple times, but somehow it's always kind of played off as a joke/for laughs, like she doesn't really understand or take what I'm saying seriously, and I never have the guts to really press the issue. She does know I'm depressed but doesn't know the extent of it. I think she probably thinks it's a mild depression. We tried to get therapy for me but we can't afford it. So why make her feel bad? It's not her fault, she works hard for us. Besides, what if she found out about my plan and tried to stop it? I would feel so trapped, like I couldn't get out.

If you couldn't tell, though, there is part of me that wants to tell her because we're very close and love each other a lot and I feel extremely guilty thinking about what my death will do to her. I want her support but I fail to see how it will make me better. If that makes any sense

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I'm sorry my friend. Do u have any pets?

No. I haven't in a long time. I don't think it would be fair to them to have one at this time, since I don't see myself around too much longer.

 

[Mia Wallace]

I can totally relate to many of you. I did tell my mom (who was my best friend) while she was still alive and she cried and cried would have done anything to make me feel better, the only unconditional love I've ever known. I felt so bad telling her of all people who actually cared for me bc of how upset it made her.
If I were to tell my remaining family (dad sis or bro) they would say then fucking doing it then don't talk about it. They are the complete opposite of my mom. But anyways, I guess I don't feel the need to really tell anyone at this point as I've made up my mind. It just gets so exhausting putting on an act each day at work but it's also just so crazy how they think nothing is wrong with me. I wonder how many people I know in my life who feel like I do but I'd never guess it.
You all feel like fam to me even though we don't know each other, we all share a similar pain that most people never have or will experience in their lives. I wish we could all meet in person

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I wasn't going to tell anyone bc I didn't want anyone trying to talk me out of it or try to have a dr intervene.
Today I told one person.
I'm comfortable with my decision, but I could have gone on without saying anything and had been fine.
It's scary trusting anyone with that sort of information.
Sending you a big hug.

I don't think I'd tell someone even if I had someone to tell. I see no good coming from that. Worst case scenario of confinement would sort of mess up my plans. Thanks for the hug.

 

[Sunny-Pia]

No. I haven't in a long time. I don't think it would be fair to them to have one at this time, since I don't see myself around too much longer.

You are right.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I've told some of my online friends. I guess it's easier to tell them because it has no consequences to my life irl. Like I can't get in trouble or anything if that makes sense. And communicating over text is also easier for me

I've tried to bring it up to my mom a couple times, but somehow it's always kind of played off as a joke/for laughs, like she doesn't really understand or take what I'm saying seriously, and I never have the guts to really press the issue. She does know I'm depressed but doesn't know the extent of it. I think she probably thinks it's a mild depression. We tried to get therapy for me but we can't afford it. So why make her feel bad? It's not her fault, she works hard for us. Besides, what if she found out about my plan and tried to stop it? I would feel so trapped, like I couldn't get out.

If you couldn't tell, though, there is part of me that wants to tell her because we're very close and love each other a lot and I feel extremely guilty thinking about what my death will do to her. I want her support but I fail to see how it will make me better. If that makes any sense

Yes, it makes all kind of sense.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

My family, but they're still horribly abusive to me. My previous g.p., my social worker probably, and more. Facebook friends know, and one friend from Steam. Life is still pretty unbearable even when people know how I'm feeling.

 

[KuroiHana]

My whole extended family basically knows at this point as of 2 months ago. As far as friends go, only 3 of them know as they were the ones who called the ambulance on me when I attempted. Feels kind of strange now to have people knowing when I've just been going it alone before then and never even thought to tell people.

I'm not actively suicidal anymore but I still feel somewhat passively about it. Oh well, just how it goes I guess.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Nobody knows. Maybe people suspect extreme despair. If I told people they would freak out and I would have to deal with that weirdness and it's already weird enough.

 

[PigeonDreamzz]

Only Soulpigeon.

 

[suicidalwillreturn]

My mom, but It took a lot of thinking deciding if I should let her know. The stress that I would give her, the risk of her sharing it to other people etc. Well ultimately, I decided to tell her because if I ever successfully ctb at least I tried to reach to someone for a way out

 

[Mia Wallace]

Does anyone else hate that the hug emoji has this smily shiny face on it as much as me? When I reply like that to you it's a big hug w no smiles lol
I think the general consensus here is that it's hard to tell people when you're at the point of what good would it do anyways?
Maybe sometimes we do when we are still at the brink of hope searching for anything at all to save us but when you know for sure you can't be saved, the bad outweighs the good from opening up