Does anyone get fed up with people on here?

[TheNorthernSilence]

Well, it's quite rare. Majority of the ppl here are very friendly and genuine. It's one of the best places for me; it's my safe haven.

 

[Wayfaerer]

I know exactly how you feel.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I will confess that sometimes I will read a story and think 'really, you want to ctb over that?'
Then I remind myself that we can never really understand someone else's suffering and we often don't know the whole story.
I'm only human and I DO judge others by my own standard by default. Then I realise that I want to be better and to understand.
Many times I've read someone's story and ignored it cus I couldn't identify with their circumstances. Then I've felt bad and gone back and read it again and posted a comment, even if it's just to show support for a situation I can't really relate to.
That is all actually not that easy for me to admit. I'm human I'm flawed and I can be judgemental. When I think I'm doing that then I hope I try to rectify the situation.

 

[End Piece]

Ehh this comes across as pretty unempathetic. I don't think it's fair to invalidate people's pain like that. Everyone has a different threshold.

 

[Wayfaerer]

@Underscore What really gets me are the people who do not take suicide seriously. They say they'll kill themselves over something petty as a means to just vent like it means nothing and I find that incredibly frustrating. Of course, these are the kind of people who will never actually go through with it.

 

[MeltingHeart]

@Underscore What really gets me are the people who do not take suicide seriously. They say they'll kill themselves over something petty as a means to just vent like it means nothing and I find that incredibly frustrating. Of course, these are the kind of people who will never actually go through with it.

Do you think is is possible to tell for sure who will and won't go through with it, I have to confess that there was a member that I thought couldn't possible go through with it given their reasons (which in my own possibly narrow view seemed like nowhere near 'good enough' reason to ctb) & they were just venting (which I think is ok anyway) - but apparently they did do it-How wrong I was!. Also does it matter if people don't actually end up ctb-or does that mean they were not a 'valid' forum member? They just feel in that moment/ at a certain time that they do feel like ending their life or have those kind of thoughts-even thinking about it indicates a high level of personal suffering-for whatever reason - or are you only allowed to share/express how you feel on here if you are 100% gonna do it- seems a bit unfair.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

You just can't tell. Best not to judge. Sometimes easier said than done, that's why we have to make the effort.

 

[PDAnnie2610]

Pain is a concept that the brain creates. Social pain and physical pain are processed similarly in the brain and as such the body cannot distinguish well between the two. Pain scales that 'measure' pain are arbitrary, every person has a subjective pain scale and needs to work with that and that alone.
People here, including myself, don't necessary tell you their full story, only the part that 'broke the camels back', if you so want. Would you feel better to hear about my abusive mother? How I was raped at 11? And again at 24? How I was married to abusive alcoholic in my 20s? How I've gone to therapy for 12+ years to fix myself to no avail? I don't think that that would lead to more understanding and compassion. That is also not the reason, but additional and confounding factors. No one kills themselves over their partner, people kill themselves to not feel pain anymore, and that is valid, no matter the source of the pain.

I've to say i agree. I didn't share much about the childhood bullying, being molested as a kid, being carted by the police and sectioned in the mental hospital and being cheated sexually and financially. Let alone my respiratory issues, and other medical issues...

We share what we are comfy with...

 

[Stan]

As the saying says "Do not judge others unless you want to be judged yourself"

 

[Deleted member 1465]

As the saying says "Do not judge others unless you want to be judged yourself"

Haha yeah I write an essay and I should just have said this.

 

[Wayfaerer]

Chronic physical pain adds a new dimension. You can't help but become extremely irritable. God have mercy if you struggle mentally as well.

 

[Jean Améry]

What do you hope to achieve by acting morally superior and judging people you simply don't know? People do not need to justify themselves and if you don't like what some individuals are saying or how they act simply ignore them. Save yourself the aggravation and others guilt-trips like this not to mention the rather naïve pushing of 'therapy' and psychiatry as if that actually solves real problems.

 

[MeltingHeart]

You just can't tell. Best not to judge. Sometimes easier said than done, that's why we have to make the effort.

Yes, Like as an example it makes me sad when you hear of teens getting bullied at school and they ctb (becoming all to regular in the news) - and like they cant tell themselves at that age that those people are just idiots and not worthy of their friendship- and as they get older they could have moved on and met the right people to hang out with- like i was badly bullied at school by boys alot-for stupid physical reasons- and later in life those same traits I was teased about would make guys attracted to me & also other things that made the people I clicked with really like me as a friend- but I know if i was to try and speak to a teen going through it- they would probably not believe me, not listen- in that moment of their life their suffering 'feels' too great, even though in the grand scheme of things and in the whole length of their lives its just a moment in time and they most likely would be able to move on and to have a good life etc, but at that time the world that they are experiencing is just one of cruelty and hatred and if thats all they know at that time-they cant even visualise the future-they just want out. Thats just one example-but I feel could also be applicable to other situations- I just think the teen thing is a good example- as they dont seem to have the ability to comprehend that the next 60 years of their life-need not be and most likely wont be the same as what they are experincing at aged 15 or whatever. Just as many depressed people-cant construct an imagined future in their mind- the nature of depression stops you from doing so- you just feel the black void you are in and that feels like that is all there is.

 

[BlueWidow]

Haha yeah I write an essay and I should just have said this.

Same here!

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Same here!

Your's was a dissertation

 

[PDAnnie2610]

Try the pain and hurt of being touched inappropriately as a kid, and relieving it later as a teen, and then that plus plantar fasciitis and slipped disc and being on hormones and being told that as a woman with PCOS and mental health issues, miscarriage on conception is a very real and high possibility. As well as the knowledge that my respiratory issues can lead to heart failure. Try coping with those and societal discrimination and tell me it's not painful. And then, oh I never asked for flashbacks and anxiety too. Those are painful like heck and leave me in tears when it happens.

Pain is too subjective for different people to be judged. Suffering is sometimes more real that what people let on. So it's a kindness not to judge and minimise the physical and emotional pain of others.

 

[BlueWidow]

Your's was a dissertation

Yes, I probably shouldn't have posted at all because I was very upset. I actually wrote 3 or 4 posts yesterday and then erased them. But this morning I looked at the thread again and I just couldn't help myself.

 

[Stan]

I'm going to make an assumption. The OP was in a bad place either physically or mentally when they wrote that. I bet there are quite a few people here that have written something that the next day they read back and thought 'I could have done that better'. I am guilty of that for sure. During our bad times our tolerances go out the window. Not saying that the OP does not still have that sentiment at times or always. I am sure we all see some names that we just don't look at their threads or posts for whatever reason. But there is no value in publicising it because what is irrelevant to one person maybe absolute nectar to someone else. I just use self censorship on what I read and what i don't.

 

[passenger27]

Tbh I think I'd just stay off the site if it bothered me that bad.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Yes, I probably shouldn't have posted at all because I was very upset. I actually wrote 3 or 4 posts yesterday and then erased them. But this morning I looked at the thread again and I just couldn't help myself.

Offtopic sorry: I purposely post on the phone rather than the pc otherwise I'd post a thesis for every reply. Unfortunately that means you may get word salad from my autocorrect. And very few commas.

 

[BlueWidow]

Tbh I think I'd just stay off the site if it bothered me that bad.

I try to do that occasionally. I try to take a break from the site. I think it would be more helpful to me though if I didn't have it on my phone. When I'm looking at other things on my phone, it's so easy to just tap on it and check in and see what's going on here.
I've tried to go for two or three days in a row without being on this site, and I don't think I've ever actually gone that long without coming on here at least for a few minutes since I signed up. I'm an addict!

 

[a.n.kirillov]

I will go ahead and propose this: everyone who gets to the point of seriously considering taking their own lives has exactly the same amount of suffering. It's the same with stress; some people have a lower threshhold for chaos and outside pressures and so experience stress more easily, but in the end the high-end-executive who suffers a burnout from his 80h workweek while going through a divorce has the same amount of subjective stress as the person that is overwhelmed by seemingly minor issues.

A lot of people also have the wrong assumption that physical pain is somehow worse than social/ emotional pain, but in the end it all comes down to how much someone is suffering, how much suffering they experience. I have even been to a lot of GPs who do not understand this, which is sad, but understandable if you've never had serious mental issues.

EDIT: saying that as someone who never (aside from serious childhood migranes) had debilitating pain. But there will still be people who will suffer more from a physical ailment and those who will suffer less from it.

 

[passenger27]

I try to do that occasionally. I try to take a break from the site. I think it would be more helpful to me though if I didn't have it on my phone. When I'm looking at other things on my phone, it's so easy to just tap on it and check in and see what's going on here.
I've tried to go for two or three days in a row without being on this site, and I don't think I've ever actually gone that long without coming on here at least for a few minutes since I signed up. I'm an addict!

I'm a SS addict too but I realize everybody on here has problems. Some seem really petty but I guess if they're posting it it's not petty to them. Even a person who's acting out is basically screaming for help.

 

[Stan]

It becomes divisive if a criteria for 'should you be on this board?' gets talked about. For sure there are people who have solitude and its hard to discuss these feelings on their whatsapp group without being kicked out. If there are a group of members that use the ideology of actually planning the act and talking about it prevents them from actually taking that step, then good for them. Again, going back to my earlier point, you can tell when someone is 'talking' for the sake of 'talking' after you see them for a while. You can either use the ignore button or just avoid their threads or posts.

 

[BlueWidow]

@Underscore What really gets me are the people who do not take suicide seriously. They say they'll kill themselves over something petty as a means to just vent like it means nothing and I find that incredibly frustrating. Of course, these are the kind of people who will never actually go through with it.

That's true, I agree those people are probably just venting and want someone to listen to them. And I agree that could be incredibly frustrating.
A silly example (not meant to imitate anyone on the forum, but a random person who doesn't really know what it feels like to be suicidal): "oh no! I stubbed my toe and now it hurts. I can't take this pain.
I think I'll just kill myself".

I think in the real world they call those people drama queens because they exaggerate every little thing that happens to them way out of proportion. I think that's an entirely different thing than someone who is actually suffering from serious issues. But drama queens are people too and they need to be understood and listened to just like everyone else, though it may be more frustrating and difficult to do so.

 

[a.n.kirillov]

I can also see this site evolving as a place where people can talk openly about their problems with people who really get where they are coming from while at the same time being supportive and non-judgemental about their decision either way. It would be great to get mental health professionals and psychologists as moderators possibly who support the right to die cause, but maybe that's too optimistic.

Replying to @Stan , you're right; it's the conundrum of reaching out to 'sane' friends and family and overwhelming them and possibly only going round in circles and making matters worse on this site that I'm concerned about.

 

[Little Mook]

But when someone wants to die because they find the human body disgusting, I think they're just plain off in the head and I say to myself oh God stop complaining and just do it already.

Wow

Are you talking about Body Dysmorphia?

 

[MeltingHeart]

But when someone wants to die because they find the human body disgusting, I think they're just plain off in the head and I say to myself oh God stop complaining and just do it already.

Wow

Are you talking about Body Dysmorphia?

But in that case could it not reasonably said that you could say to every single person here -whether they are venting about a horrible divorce, a bad pain condition, a broken heart etc - oh just do it already - that could be the stock reply to each and every post- in that theory no? If someone finds the human body disgusting to that extent they clearly have a mental illness or are very emotionally disturbed in some way.

 

[Stan]

Replying to @Stan , you're right; it's the conundrum of reaching out to 'sane' friends and family and overwhelming them and possibly only going round in circles and making matters worse on this site that I'm concerned about.

You can see when people first join, they are desperate and just want a method to get out now. So they are just looking for clear instructions on how to do it. I understand that completely, I was one of them. Sometimes they look around and see conversations, people listening to each other and then they may join in and get some benefit, even if it's just for them to know they are not a freak in the world with their desire to plan and exercise their choice.

However, we are crowded into a few rooms. One is completely off topic so that is not relevant. One is recovery where people help each other onto the journey of giving life a go. Then the is Discussion where a majority of the posting traffic happens. That room is a real mixed bag and my impression is that is where most of the frustration comes from. I suggested in another thread that perhaps a Method room could be opened where the more technical 'I am going to get this thing done' type of posts can happen leaving the Discussion room to be a bit more organic in nature. Seeing a vent next to a megathread can give rise to the question on the purpose of that room. Was just a thought to try and minimise what may or may not be frustrating people.

 

[Little Mook]

I haven't seen one post were I didn't think that person was in real pain, whatever their situation .
I'm shocked you could go through any ordeal and still have so little compassion !