Does anyone ever feel like they want to die after every minor inconvenience?

[jjnsjso44458]

I'm turning 24 this week and have never had a boyfriend. I hate my birthday, every year depresses me because it's just another stupid year in this world. I want to die so bad but every time I try to (hanging) it hurts really bad and I'm afraid of messing up. I think it's also due to the constant fear of my family's reaction to me dying. I don't want to put them through that pain, but I don't want to be here any longer. It's been like this since I was 12. I might have to try getting into counseling soon. I met someone online and went on two dates with him, I felt almost happy for once that I could finally form a connection with someone. He gave me a dry response when I texted him that I hope he has a good night shift on Friday. He never got back to me and had a habit of inconsistent communication. I was always afraid to look desperate so never tried to chase him, so I ended up blocking him since he just never reached out after that. He's a cop so I was constantly on the fence about dating him since I was afraid he would cheat on me. I guess I read too much bad stuff on the internet for validation. Was I really into him, or the idea of being with him to escape my own personal torment? Now I wanna die more than ever again. Does anyone else feel like everything is finally going well, but once it slips away you feel like everything has gone dark again? I can't take this anymore. I want to know that I'm not alone. I can't even get out of bed, it's messing me up. My mind has become more debilitating. It's really starting to take a toll on me.

 

[FoxSauce]

Whoops sorry. Im so sorry your going through that. Really

 

[tunnelV]

All of the time, I think it's a situation where we feel overwhelmed already. We are at our wits end and any minor thing just sends up over the deep end. I think people can call that "snapping". I feel like dying sometimes when coworkers overtalk to me about their lives. They go on and on and on. It's very rude to force someone into conversation that they didn't ask for simply for your own personal attention needs. I wouldn't feel stressed out about it if I could socially tell them to leave me alone and go away. It's rude to say that but not rude to force someone into listening to you rambling on.

 

[Ros]

I'm turning 24 this week and have never had a boyfriend. I hate my birthday, every year depresses me because it's just another stupid year in this world. I want to die so bad but every time I try to (hanging) it hurts really bad and I'm afraid of messing up. I think it's also due to the constant fear of my family's reaction to me dying. I don't want to put them through that pain, but I don't want to be here any longer. It's been like this since I was 12. I might have to try getting into counseling soon. I met someone online and went on two dates with him, I felt almost happy for once that I could finally form a connection with someone. He gave me a dry response when I texted him that I hope he has a good night shift on Friday. He never got back to me and had a habit of inconsistent communication. I was always afraid to look desperate so never tried to chase him, so I ended up blocking him since he just never reached out after that. He's a cop so I was constantly on the fence about dating him since I was afraid he would cheat on me. I guess I read too much bad stuff on the internet for validation. Was I really into him, or the idea of being with him to escape my own personal torment? Now I wanna die more than ever again. Does anyone else feel like everything is finally going well, but once it slips away you feel like everything has gone dark again? I can't take this anymore. I want to know that I'm not alone. I can't even get out of bed, it's messing me up. My mind has become more debilitating. It's really starting to take a toll on me.

I can relate so much. Youre not alone.

 

[submarinedownsea]

Me to, the first tought that comes in my mind wen something bad happens, even the small things, its to kms, all the time, i feel dramatic to not even consider a solution and for everything suicide its the first option. Maybe cause living is sucks and any reason to give up even the little ones our brain starts to consider it

 

[ObsidianMidnightSky]

I'm turning 24 this week and have never had a boyfriend. I hate my birthday, every year depresses me because it's just another stupid year in this world. I want to die so bad but every time I try to (hanging) it hurts really bad and I'm afraid of messing up. I think it's also due to the constant fear of my family's reaction to me dying. I don't want to put them through that pain, but I don't want to be here any longer. It's been like this since I was 12. I might have to try getting into counseling soon. I met someone online and went on two dates with him, I felt almost happy for once that I could finally form a connection with someone. He gave me a dry response when I texted him that I hope he has a good night shift on Friday. He never got back to me and had a habit of inconsistent communication. I was always afraid to look desperate so never tried to chase him, so I ended up blocking him since he just never reached out after that. He's a cop so I was constantly on the fence about dating him since I was afraid he would cheat on me. I guess I read too much bad stuff on the internet for validation. Was I really into him, or the idea of being with him to escape my own personal torment? Now I wanna die more than ever again. Does anyone else feel like everything is finally going well, but once it slips away you feel like everything has gone dark again? I can't take this anymore. I want to know that I'm not alone. I can't even get out of bed, it's messing me up. My mind has become more debilitating. It's really starting to take a toll on me.

I feel like every little thing makes me jump from zero to one-hundred emotionally. I've had so much stress and anxiety pile up that the littlest thing makes my feelings return to the highest they had been and then a little extra intensity is added for every time I encounter an inconvenience. It is hard to handle the emotions and thoughts that surface especially when you get into a looping and depressive mind-frame. It can feel like a rollercoaster.

Your question asks about "minor inconveniences"… and my answer is "yes, I feel that", but it sounds like you are not encountering just small inconveniences but feeling *big* emotions from *important* events. I think your experiences are more important and impactful. It is natural to feel distressed/sad when encountering the things you described. The Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale lists relationship issues high in their impact on stress. It sounds like you are discounting big things that matter to you and even falling into a self-defeating prophecy, such as by blocking the guy before you even have a chance to see it play out, maybe are you scared of rejection? It's okay to admit the issues you face are big and important and it is okay to feel upset about them. Its natural to try to fill life with things to try to make us feel better and to feel sad when decisions are difficult or when we have a loss, even by our own choices. Birthdays can suck and some people seem like they click with you and then disappear. It does take a toll.

If you think a therapist will help, go for it! Forcing yourself to get out of the house and connect with others can help break the self-defeating and self-isolating cycle. You can't find more people if you don't look.

You aren't alone. Emotions are overwhelming and finding a relationship is hard, but if you look at the past in how you felt from other times you were feeling this way, maybe you will see a pattern that the high intensity doesn't always last as long as it feels. The birthday can pass and you can find another person to enjoy, maybe even a better one that you feel more comfortable with.

 

[theboy]

Me

 

[kopebaldy]

Minor inconveniences stack, at one point any small pebble added to that mountain has significantly higher chance to collapse it than the previous pebble.

I just can't understand how my mountain is so unstable compares to everyone else's lol.

 

[futurecorpse]

I'm turning 24 this week and have never had a boyfriend. I hate my birthday, every year depresses me because it's just another stupid year in this world. I want to die so bad but every time I try to (hanging) it hurts really bad and I'm afraid of messing up. I think it's also due to the constant fear of my family's reaction to me dying. I don't want to put them through that pain, but I don't want to be here any longer. It's been like this since I was 12. I might have to try getting into counseling soon.

I can relate to this and I'm sure you're not alone. Birthdays can be difficult to celebrate because it's potentially another year of misery or something unpleasant. No one likes getting older. The urge to ctb can be so strong yet the fear of messing up and hurting in the process is strong too. It's a tough battle. There's a lot of ambivalence in wanting to die to end your suffering and not wanting to hurt your family. If you do go into counseling, I hope you can find a wonderful therapist who can help you untangle your thoughts.

I met someone online and went on two dates with him, I felt almost happy for once that I could finally form a connection with someone. He gave me a dry response when I texted him that I hope he has a good night shift on Friday. He never got back to me and had a habit of inconsistent communication. I was always afraid to look desperate so never tried to chase him, so I ended up blocking him since he just never reached out after that. He's a cop so I was constantly on the fence about dating him since I was afraid he would cheat on me. I guess I read too much bad stuff on the internet for validation. Was I really into him, or the idea of being with him to escape my own personal torment?

As someone with bpd, I also feel happy and excited when it seems like I'm able to form a connection with a guy who may be interested in me too. But I end up getting ahead of myself and for the most part it doesn't go anywhere. Believe it or not, I also tried dating a cop and it can be hard forming a relationship with them. He was very inconsistent with communication and it was always me trying to make an effort. I can also sympathize with the fact that they are VERY busy people and their job will be first. The cheating, divorce rate, and DV rate is hard to ignore too.. Do you feel like you were into him or did you like the idea of someone who could be your escape from your pain ?

Now I wanna die more than ever again. Does anyone else feel like everything is finally going well, but once it slips away you feel like everything has gone dark again? I can't take this anymore. I want to know that I'm not alone. I can't even get out of bed, it's messing me up. My mind has become more debilitating. It's really starting to take a toll on me.

Yes. All the time. And it can be frustrating because I thought I made a good amount of progress to not want to die over something that would be seen small by others. But I think there's comfort in retreating back to the "I want to die" thought after a minor inconvenience happens. It's familiar and there's safety in familiarity. You're definitely not alone. Most days I want to stay in bed and cry all day, but I can't. Sending you hugs and I hope therapy is something that will help.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Not meaning to amplify your pain but what you titled as an 'inconvenience' I think hits at deeper worries many of us share- the need to feel loved and fear we may not find someone. I weirdly moved beyond even wanting that.

Now, it truly is the minor inconveniences that make me suicidal. I hate all domestic chores. My brain just puts on repeat what a pile of shit life is when I do them. I also want to die before I have to deal with things- getting people in to fix various broken things. I just don't want to have to deal with any of it anymore.

So many things trigger me into thinking: Why on earth did my parents inflict this on me? Why did they think I'd enjoy this? How long am I going to have to do this for? (I'm waiting for my Dad to go first.) Can I put off certain things indefinitely? Will I be able to die before I need to deal with them?

 

[404BrainNotFound]

Absolutely, it has just become an automatic response from my brain at this point. Reminding myself that it will (hopefully) be over soon is the only thing that calms me down. Sometimes there is literally no external trigger but my brain makes one automatically from some past event where I embarrassed myself or said something stupid etc. and then it is stuck in my head until I think about CRB and suddenly I am mostly calm and able to move on from it.

 

[jjnsjso44458]

I can relate to this and I'm sure you're not alone. Birthdays can be difficult to celebrate because it's potentially another year of misery or something unpleasant. No one likes getting older. The urge to ctb can be so strong yet the fear of messing up and hurting in the process is strong too. It's a tough battle. There's a lot of ambivalence in wanting to die to end your suffering and not wanting to hurt your family. If you do go into counseling, I hope you can find a wonderful therapist who can help you untangle your thoughts.

As someone with bpd, I also feel happy and excited when it seems like I'm able to form a connection with a guy who may be interested in me too. But I end up getting ahead of myself and for the most part it doesn't go anywhere. Believe it or not, I also tried dating a cop and it can be hard forming a relationship with them. He was very inconsistent with communication and it was always me trying to make an effort. I can also sympathize with the fact that they are VERY busy people and their job will be first. The cheating, divorce rate, and DV rate is hard to ignore too.. Do you feel like you were into him or did you like the idea of someone who could be your escape from your pain ?

Yes. All the time. And it can be frustrating because I thought I made a good amount of progress to not want to die over something that would be seen small by others. But I think there's comfort in retreating back to the "I want to die" thought after a minor inconvenience happens. It's familiar and there's safety in familiarity. You're definitely not alone. Most days I want to stay in bed and cry all day, but I can't. Sending you hugs and I hope therapy is something that will help.

Yes, I feel like deep down I just clung onto the hope that everything will work out with him because it is an escape from my own world that I'm constantly suffocating in. But I'm so scared of rejection that I messed it all up. I feel like I was into him but also will admit that it was nice just talking to anyone and having that connection even though it was unrealistic. Thank you for your kind words

 

[NeverHis]

Yes.
It's because I have no more strength left in me to deal with it.
It's minor to everyone else, but to me, my glass is already full, so it's the drop that makes it all spill over.

 

[froggirl9000]

I mean, sometimes. Not all the time. But sometimes it just gets too much. It's just one more goddamn thing. Like, it's always something. Just can't go a moment without there being something.

 

[Pale_Rider]

Yup. What I think it was / is in my case has been misery overload. Just kinda seize on some distraction, or other. Even while knowing I am seriously screwed in the head.

 

[katara]

You and me both. I want a bf so badly but nobody wants me back.